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this morning my 3 and 1/2 yo pushed another under water at the pool. i immediately pulled my child out of the water and spanked him and gave him a time out. another parent at the pool, not the parent of the pushed child, chided me for spanking my child. pushing - especially pushing under water - is a serious offense in my book. but was i wrong to have spanked? i feel like i am seriously in over my head most days with this discipline stuff.
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Spanking is a "hot-button" issue. She probably doesn't spank her child--she should not have childed you.
[ Reply | Options ]I think spanking is okay for only very serious offenses. Fear and respect go hand in hand.
[ Reply | Options ]What a lot of crap. I do not respect people who use fear to manipulate. I fear and loathe them.
[ Reply | Options ]Sweetie, if you've ever taken any psychology it is a proven fact that to have respect there needs to be some level of fear. Look it up. It's true.
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but i wasn't using fear to manipulate. i actually was pretty afraid myself. i admitted i feel like i am in over my head with this discipline stuff. you probably won't believe me, but most of my friends say i am the most patient mom they know. i have two children 18 months apart - and as they get older the pushing, shoving, etc of their ages is hard.
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I am against spanking but I would never tell a parent not to, and what your dc did was pretty bad. If spanking is reserved for serious situations, that would be one.
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I am for spanking but would not do it in public. There's no need to add humiliation for your child. And it should be done when you're not pissed off.
[ Reply | Options ]i agree w/your time out and you spanked because you got scared? i dont agree w/the spanking. at all actually.
[ Reply | Options ]i think she did it as a reflex it sounds like..life if someone slapped you across the face your first instinct might be to hit back...she got scared nervous shocked grabbed him and lashed out...it wasnt right but i can understand her reflex kicking in. like she wanted to wake him up
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Parenting requires so much self control ( I have yelling issues) and you were frightened. I why you did it. I good tug out of the water, admonish and leave probably would have worked. That said, I bet he never does that again. No harm, since you probably don't spank in general.
[ Reply | Options ]take away things that matter to child. This is what has currency for my 2 yo ds. I don't believe in spanking, ever. Came from that, was spanked inpublis, it is humiliating and i do not believe it is good ever. And like other posters say, you are reacting to moment, not usualyy making the best discipline choice. And also reacting to being embarassed by child. Get over your embarassment, we have all been there, take child home, go to room with garbage bag and collect favorite toys. Keep them for a few days. He will get it.
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At 3.5, with a non-sibling, dunking is a serious offense, but I've always been in the "don't use violence to teach non-violence" camp. Plus, if you spank in public, people tend to wonder how violent you get at home when there are no witnesses. If you feel in over your head with discipline, take a time-out with your spouse and decide what kinds of discipline you do and don't like, what really works with your own kids, and what kinds of discipline are appropriate for different levels of bad behavior. Then you'll feel better about having made calm, rational decisions not in the heat of the moment, and your punishments will make sense to you and you'll feel more confident telling other parents that you have it under control.
[ Reply | Options ]Well...I am a spanker, but I probably would not have in this case. Dc probably does not have a grip on how dangerous it can be to push someone else under water. I would have given a time out with a stern lecture, make him apologize. If he did it again, then I would swat. And the other parent was out of line to lecture you. She needed to mind her own business.
[ Reply | Options ]oh, please. i think the spank was appropriate. he won't do it again. and it's better than having another kid's drowning or injury on your hands. you can't necessarily watch kids every single millisecond, and it only takes a minute for an injury or death to happen. better that his minor humiliation stop future bad acts than to have someone get injured.
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