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I don't know what the hell is wrong with my FIL. He pops by unannounced, just to say hello, even though my dh has told him at least twice now that it would be best if he calls first. I am due any day now and cannot deal with him just popping by when I have a sleeping baby in the house. Not to mention the total disregard for the boundaries we've established. We both work from home so my dh has explained that even though we're home, we're still not available M-F to just hang out and chat on a whim. What is wrong with people?
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No, he's just completely clueless. Doesn't pick up on social cues. Just spoke to my dh about this, however, and he said that he actually never said, verbatim, "we'd rather you call first before coming over." He doesn't want to insult his father. So I guess I have my answer as to why this keeps happening.
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don't answer the door - put on your headset and say you are on a call in pantomime - do not let him in.
[ Reply | Options ]While I realize FIL should be the one to do the right thing and give you space, it's probably not going to happen, so you need to get proactive about it. Invite him over at specific times that are good for you. When he drops by without warning, your husband should go outside and tell him it's a really bad time because you and/or the baby are having a bad day and need to sleep. And (assuming you trust FIL and want him to spend time with the baby), ask him now if he would mind coming over at scheduled times to take the baby out with him for an hour to give you a break and time to make dinner and do laundry. If the only problem is that he's lonely and want to see you more often than you can make time for, use it to your advantage by taking the proverbial bull by the aging horns.
[ Reply | Options ]I wouldn't trust him to watch the db on his own, unfortunately, but neither would my dh. He knows his dad is clueless. But I see what you're saying and it's a good suggestion. I just feel bad bc inevitably dh and I end up arguing over this, and that's his dad at the end of the day. It's not my dh's fault, but it's so frustrating bc if it were my dad, I would have the conversation and be done with it. Easy.
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telling him" it would be best to call first" is a lot different than telling him straight out that it is disruptive to your child and your businesses. why not set a specific time for him to come by. sounds like he is lonely.
[ Reply | Options ]As it is, we see him and my MIL once a week. We live ten minutes away. That is enough for me. I told dh he can hang out with them more if he wants, but once a week is enough as far as I'm concerned. We just moved closer to them from nyc and this was one of the main reasons I was hesitant to do so. God, I miss the city so much.
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Why? What's mean about needing to set up boundaries. I work from home and my FIL doesn't understand that this means he can't come over unannounced. How would you like it if people just popped by your office unannounced and hung out for two hours? Or do you not work and therefore cannot relate?
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We have some similar issues, my parents live a couple of minutes away. Just blame it on the baby--something along the lines of trying to set a schedule and that you can't disrupt the pattern. Then, pick a specific time that is good for you (and the baby), and tell him to come then. And only then.
[ Reply | Options ]let him come over and watch tv if he wants. you don't have to entertain him. just go about your daily lives. if he's uncomfortable, he'll leave. if he doesn't mind and just wants to be around others, he'll stay and watch tv.
[ Reply | Options ]That's tough bc my office is adjacent to the TV room. And, besides, sometimes I like to walk around braless and makeup-less in my house, since I work from home. I don't feel comfortable doing that around my FIL.
[ Reply | Options ]i'm sure an older, retired man can handle you w/o makeup for heaven's sake. and it really shouldn't kill you to put on a bra either, should it?! you can wear noise-blocking headphones if the TV bothers you. Really, i would find a way to accommodate. you'll be glad you did when you need a babysitter. karma has a way of dealing w/these types of things!
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