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I am at the end of my rope. My DD (3 years old) comes in my room in the middle of the night EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes it's just once, other times it's 3, 4, 5 times. I am exhausted and so angry because I have no control over this. I have tried everything: punishing, offering rewards, scolding, etc. Nothing works. This has been going on for 9 or 10 months now and while she seems to go right back to sleep, I can't so I am up tossing and turning for hours. Perhaps if people tell me this is normal behaviour I would just let go of the anger and maybe go back to sleep more easily, but as it is, I feel like I should be able to prevent her from doing this and since I can't, I just get more and more angry about it. Any suggestions? I am desparate.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]it's very normal. but frankly, you can control it. close the door to your room. lock it if you have to. she simply can not come in. end of story.
[ Reply | Options ]Do not look your door unless you have a monitor and even then this sound cold and cruel
[ Reply | Options ]the best thing for both of them is for the child to start sleeping through the night and not be in the habit of coming into the parent's room. if this is the only way for the parent to get it done, then this is what she needs to do. rest assured it won't be for more than three nights.
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I have been thinking about putting her back into a crib with a crib tent so she can't physically get out. The issue there is that her little brother currently sleeps in the crib so that would mean he would have to sleep in a pack n play. I hate to disrupt him, but at least she would be prevented from leaving her room. Good idea or bad idea?
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I think this is quite normal behavior for kids to want to be near their parents at night, especially mommy. Can you put a small mattress on the floor of your room and tell her that's where she can sleep if she wants to be in there? Let her know she can come in, but should not wake you up. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]Since you wrote "my room", not "our room", I'm guessing you're a single parent, so trading wake-ups with a partner/spouse is out of the question. Do you know what's waking her up? Street noises? Lights from outside? Could you invest in sound-dampening or blackout curtains to stop it? In the short term, just until you catch up on sleep, could you let her sleep in bed with you, so she doesn't have to wake you up, but is allowed to get into your bed at night if she wakes up (as long as at bedtime she starts out in her own bed)? Then once you are back on track with your own sleep, go back to encouraging her to self-comfort and stay in her own bed all night?
[ Reply | Options ]In my late 40's now, with my own dcs...but I remember doing this as a small child...and my parents locked their door--I can't tell you how scary it was to try to go to my parents and have their door locked...don't lock your door. By age 4, I was happy to be in my own bed...
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks everyone for your advice. I feel better knowing this is pretty normal. I will try to just remember it's a phase (a terribly long one, but a phase nonetheless). And I will just try to put myself if her shoes - if she's scared and just wants a little comfort, locking the door or putting her in a crib tent may just make her feel more scared. I'll try to comfort her and reassure her and maybe that will help things.
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My 3 year old is doing this too, except that she comes to get someone to sleep in her room. I have heard people recommend that you bring the kids back to their bed over and over and over again w/o saying anything to them and after a week they will not get up anymore. I haven't really tried that. I would not personally lock them in or lock my door - if I was going to do something I would try this.
[ Reply | Options ]You are talking my language- welcome to my world- this has been going on in my house for months with almost 3yo ds- it sucks- first, he would come to the side of my bed- once, twice- we would bring him back to bed immediately. Then, one night, it got terrible- he came out every 15 minutes for 1.5 hours- dh and I were desperate- we locked the door to his room and he cried his eyes out for 45 minutes- passed out and never did it again. Now, when we put him to sleep, we have to leave his door open and put in a night light- I think at this age- they are developing their sense of fear - my ds is now all of a sudden afraid of the dark and monsters- I think this has to do with it- Now, when he wakes up he doesn't leave his room but he cries and needs to be comforted- one thing that helps us is running him ragged during the day and shortening his nap- then he's more likely to sleep like a stone-
[ Reply | Options ]yuk! I know that feeling. Two nights ago she came in about 5 times in one hour. Every time I was just drifting back to sleep she would be there again. I lost it! I just started yelling and then she was crying and the whole house was awake. She does much better if I remain calm and tell her to go back to bed, but sometimes, especially in the middle of the night, I lose my patience. It's then that I want to spank her but my husband is adamantly opposed (and when rational, I'm opposed too). Oh, it's just so frustrating.
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My 3 y.o. son won't go to sleep for up to an hour. He comes up with every excuse: I need to pee/poop, can you pull my covers on, can I have some water/a vitamin/milk, can you hold my hand, I need a tissue...etc. It is so maddeningly difficult to stay consistent. He does not ask DH either, who is honorably consistent e.g. pointing to DS's bed without making eye contact or saying a word. I give in all the time. Sometimes DS cries but I stay firm. I can't wait for this stage to pass...but as I've leaned over three years each stage is replaced with a new challenge.
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