UrbanBaby Asks...
Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
- Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really dull and aggravating
- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Our playground is near some housing projects and there are often kids there who are being "supervised" by other kids. They play pretty rough, use foul language and knock over toddlers. On a couple of occasions, my husband has said something and they got mouthy and said, "what are you going to do about it?"
43 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreSo don't go to that playground. Similar situation at one near us (Lex and 96th), so I don't take my kids there.
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It's the closest playground to our apt, but I far prefer the two in CP at 5th or even the one by the Ruppert buildings. The 96th one has such a nice water feature, but the behavior of many of the kids is so atrocious that it's not even vaguely pleasant to go there.
[ Reply | More ]NP -- we have been to that playground many times and haven't had a problem. Sure, there are many black children there, but we have had only good experiences there. It is actually one of our favorite play grounds.
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really despise veiled posts like this -- the fact that it's near housing projects is of absolutely no relevance to the issue. your choices are: tolerate it, lay down the law with the kids so that they don't mess with your kids, or go someplace else. you don't really need UB to tell you that, though, do you?
[ Reply | More ]its not really veiled, I didn't know if other people encountered this problem with unsupervised children who have no respect for adults, does one go to the police about this? Have other neighborhoods hired park monitors? Is the city responsible for having supervision in the park? I mean really, if a kid is knocking down my 18 month old and my husband tells him to stop and the kid tells him to go F himself, what can you do, run away? Should we as responsible adults let other children act like that? Would it be any different if it was on the subway, or on the street?
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It's just that it's summer now and these kids don't have anywhere else to go. Once school is back in session, go during school hours and it will be fine. And, honestly, this is an issue anytime you have a mix of ages on the playground - we had issues with older kids at the playground when we lived on Roosevelt Island, we still have issues now that we are in the suburbs.
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I've probably watched one too many of those movies where a caring adult swooped in to change the lives of the poor underprivileged projects kids, but this seems like a great chance to cross some culture lines and give these kids a better example to learn from. You should forget about the swearing and horseplay for a few weeks while you try to meet and get to know these kids and let them play with your kids. Talk to the "supervising" kids like you would talk to any other parent or caregiver, ask them which kids are there with them, ask if their little brothers & sisters want to play with your kids. It's not their fault they were born into poor families and have been put in charge too young and have no one else to teach them to do better. Be the someone who shows (not tells) them how we can supervise our kids without swearing or being physical, and how kids can get along and play together without hurting each other. And even if you can't influence the older kids, at least when you tell the little kids "no", you won't have their parents telling you that you can't tell their kids what to do!
[ Reply | More ]LOL. So, they'll suddenly stop cursing and pushing because a caring adult swoops in? A huge part of the issue here is that people don't want their kids emulating the language and behaviors these kids exhibit.
[ Reply | More ]Thats a good point, it really makes me sad. The projects are revelant because they were created by our government ( that means us) to house a large concentration underprivileged people and they remain underprivileged, generation after generation. To me, it is a crime to let a 9 year old think its ok to mouth off to an adult like that, do you think that his life is going to be better because of it? I was born into a poor family, we ate plenty of government cheese and I would like to help these kids and teach them its not ok to act that way. Should the cops get involved? Have other communities hired park monitors?
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the problem is that white UMC folks feel guilty putting the minority project kids in their place for misbehaving. if that were a snotty park ave 9yo that was mouthing off, your dh would do something about it. my nanny (yes, she is of color and with attitude) has NO problem telling off the mouthy older kids if they are acting up around the younger ones. she's all of 5 ft tall, but they listen to her and it's bc she is not intimidated by the fact that they might be poor minorities.
[ Reply | More ]part of that is probably that those kids are more likely to lsiten to her because she is also of color.that is different from a white lady yelling at them.
[ Reply | More ]absolutely that's part of it. i would not suggest mouthing off to those kids. better to treat the supervising ones like adults (as another op suggested) and getting cred for being "cool" than to try to be the disciplinarian, which won't work for a whole host of historical and other reasons.
[ Reply | More ]itd - dh has had to put older dcs in their place (both white and minority) and he is over 6 ft tall and commanding and takes no SH*T and they DO listen to him. he doesn't reprimand them, he tells them to STOP or LEAVE. the "older" dcs are NOT thugs or criminals or all that old (8-12yo tops). they may be mouthy, undisciplined and unsupervised but they are still kids - not scary or anything.
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probably not the advice you were looking for but in my neighborhood (harlem) i find that if we go early morning (before noon) the kids with parents and supervised and well behaved are out, so that's when we go. once the afternoon crown shows up (more unsupervised, more unruly kids) we go elsewhere. so maybe try going at different times and you'll notice a different crowd?
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