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How many hours typically do you keep your dc at daycare (I have 2) and refusing to continue to work if I have to leave dcs in daycare for 11 hrs. dh seems unmoved, we really don't need my salary, but dh want to save the little money we will have left after we pay for daycare (aprox $600 a month) am I being completely unreasonable or he is
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]my ds is 2 and dd 6 months old. I think I can come with long list of things we can live without. I also threw the idea of looking for p/t job closer to home. But he wants me to keep the job in Manhattan it is secure and pays well.
[ Reply | Options ]here would be my advice. first make a list of all work related expenses. obviously daycare would top the list. if you live in the suburbs, add your commuting expenses. add the dry cleaning of your work clothing. if you buy lunch at work, add that expense. then add the more loosely related work expenses: how many times a week you end up buying take-out for dinner. be honest about what is really a work related expense and what you'd end up doing anyway. then make a list of work-related compensation, both the take home pay and the retirement contributions. then make a list of intangibles on both sides: the security of your job, the wear and tear it takes on you, etc. Bear in mind that a huge (huge!) issue for your dh will be that being the sole provider can be very stressful for him. Then lastly make a list of anything you are willing to cut back on to make the financial burden easier for him. are you willing to give up a vacation? are you willing to give up cleaning help? are you willing to follow a strict grocery budget?
[ Reply | Options ]^^^whoops. being the sole provider can be very stressful. also make a list of things you are willing to give up on to make it financially feasible (vacation? clothing? follow a strict grocery budget?). also think if you'll end up joining all sorts of expensive classes with your dc that will just increase the financial burden.
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I leave my DC for 10-11 hours a day, but I love my job. We don't need my salary, either. I think you both have reasonable grounds and should sit down and discuss it.
[ Reply | Options ]Is there a way to stagger your schedules so someone can go to work later and the other one to go early and come home early? That's what many people do to limit the time kids are in daycare. You'll have to do it once kids are in school, too.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: not really, we just moved to the suburbs so we have a 1hr+ commute, we depend on trains for drop off and pick up schedules. Yes,I know we should have thought of that before moving, but I really thought it was doable. My parents are currently watching the kids while I continue to work, so I don't have to worry about cooking meals, drop off etc.
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Ditto. We live in the city and its easy enough for us to each do a couple early mornings at the office and drop off later the other days, and the same for pick up. We're only had to do 10 or 11 hours if one was travelling. I don't think its good for dc. Could you work from home 1 or 2 days a week? Still use daycare, but you could have them there only the hours you were working without the commute time.
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This is going to sound really snarky, so I will try to express it with as much respect and as little judgment as possible. Please consider keeping daycare a little longer while you take an English composition course at a community college or night school program. If you leave work to SAH, you will be the one helping your kids with their homework, and your writing is nearly indecipherable. I know it's just a bulletin board, but you can't set the example for your kids until you understand the basics of usage and punctuation. As for the actual topic of your question, there is a discussion going on right now on this board, and it is getting very long, because of all of the varying views on whether one parent can unilaterally decide not to work and how two parents can work out the issue together. It's near the top of the board now, so you should be able to find it pretty easily. Every family is different, but it seems to me that in your case, if the kids are really at daycare 11 hours a day, then neither of you is getting to spend any quality time with the kids, and it is time to talk to your husband about reducing work hours for both of you.
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I think it's reasonable for your DH not to want to give up the second income in this economy, but it's also reasonble to want to limit the # hours DC are in daycare. DH says he will do drop-off and pick-up a few times a week - why not give that a try and not just dismiss the offer with "I know he won't"? Plus you say your parents are local and helping out right now - could they still take DC part-time (maybe 1-2 days/week, maybe doing early pick-up a few days a week, etc.)?
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Could you get a job in your suburb? Commuting costs must be a couple hundred a month so you could afford to take a job paying a little less.
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it will also make BOTH of your lives less stressful. You'll be closer in case dc gets sick, you'll be able to take to Dr's appts and go to work a little late rather than missing a whole day, and you'll be able to run errands on the way home (with dcs so not ideal) instead of all day Saturday.
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