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Am I overreacting: We were having a small family gathering for dd's birthday. Right before the party my mom was asking my brother if he remembered this story from when he was younger. He responded with "I don't talk about my childhood. It sucked." I could have slugged him. I was sexually molested for 11 years by 3 different men while he was off hanging out with his friends. I know it never happened to him because he said it didn't and has gone to visit the abusers (2 uncles) and still has contact with 3rd (step-father). He had friends, did well in school, and everything while I was diagnosed with a ton of mental disorders, tried to commit suicide 3 times as a teenager, and have had to deal with my lost childhood ever since it happened. He doesn't realize how easy he had it. I would have traded with him in a second if he wanted to find out what a totally sucky childhood REALLY was!!!
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]i agree...he wasn't saying it was worse than yours...where the f*ck was your mom when all of this was going on?
[ Reply | Options ]So was around but not AROUND. She was newly divorced and so we moved in with my uncles and grandparents when I was 4. That's when it started. Pretty much everyday, one uncle molesting me during the day and one at night. I have no idea if they both new but she was also molested by them and never received help so I think she was also having her own problems. Then with my step-dad he threatened to kill me so I told anyone.
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OP here: He doesn't have issues. He is successful, handsome, smart, good with people, liked by everyone. I, on the other hand, am not successful, not pretty, still at 29 have no friends. It's not so much what he said it's that he said it in front of me and he KNOWS my past and how hard I had it.
[ Reply | Options ]At risk of sounding like amateur fake psychologist, I think you are transferring anger to your brother that you should be directing at other people. Your childhood is not his fault, and his still could have sucked (and probably did, if he was in the care of the same set of adults).
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Maybe he is uncomfortable discussing his childhood in front of you and this was his way of shutting your Mom down. I think you are transferring blame here, he was not the abuser. And honestly it seems like abuse victims rarely get the validation they want/need from un-abused siblings. Not saying you don
[ Reply | Options ]It's obvious that your childhood was traumatic. But everyone is entitled to their perspective on their experience. If he says that his childhood sucked, then it sucked to him. It doesn't matter what you think about his childhood and how great it seemed. There's no reason for you to be competitive about whose childhood sucked more; I think that's just childish. He probably is an asshole in some ways if you have all this venom toward him, but I do think you're overreacting in this situation; it's not like he's saying his childhood was worse than yours.
[ Reply | Options ]a dh: I can think of few things which would fuck up a childhood as much as seeing that happen to your sister and being powerless to stop it. Your brother's childhood did suck. It didn't suck as much as yours but he didn't say that. I think you need to cut him some slack or tell him how you feel.
[ Reply | Options ]i have to say i am realy curious about this post. you still talk to your mom even though all of this horrible stuff happened to you? presumably, she brought the step-father into your life. where was she when the abuse by the three men was happening? did she somehow not know? were you too afraid to tell her? i think you must be a much nicer and forgiving person than i am, to be able to maintain a relationship with her. i am so sorry that happened to you. i can't imagine how i would feel if something like that happened to one of my kids on my watch.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes they are the mom's brothers. They ALSO molested her and she never received the help she needed. She moved back there because it was the only choice she had when my dad divorced her, she had no money of her own. She is in my life and lives with me a couple days a week. I forgave her because she went through something similar and never got help, how could I blame her for that. I know she didn't protect me and ignored me most of my life until just recently when dd came along but try as I might, I just can't hate her. I still feel like a little girl who needs her mom. Don't know why because emotionally we live on different planets but I guess it's the longing.
[ Reply | Options ]well, you sound like a strong and compassionate woman. i don't know if i could be as big a person as you, but i think your mom was very lucky to have a daughter like you. i'm just so sorry that you both had to go through this. your dd is very lucky that you can be strong for her.
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OP: I guess I am just more upset that he said this in front of me when he KNOWS how much I was hurt as a kid. He was just being selfish because he once told me that since I was so messed up he never got any attention. The fact of the matter was I never got any either because my mom felt so guilty that she ignored me because it was to painful. I was there and he had a damn good childhood - believe me.
[ Reply | Options ]OK, now you sound crazy. you had my sympathy because i have had abuse in my family and know it affects people different ways and profoundly. you are completely unwilling to entertain the possibility that your brother either had a negative childhood experience because your mom was awful, or that he just didn't want to talk about something he knew would upset you. Your only belief is that he is saying this to make you feel bad. How could he have a good childhood with divorced mom moving in with molester brothers? And with a messed up sister? You are delusional.
[ Reply | Options ]First of all I don't want anybody's sympathy, it's useless. I guess you can never understand the pain unless you've lived it and you apparently haven't. I don't think a lot of people here have. I know my brothers life because I was there. Just having divorced parents doesn't mean that you had a sucky childhood. Also, I was MESSED up for a reason but it didn't take a huge toll on him. By this time he was the center of the families world, the reason he still maintains contact with the same men who abused me. He was the 'golden boy' and he may have said what he said because he felt that way (but since people are not listening) it makes me upset that he say that in front of ME, knowing full well what I went through. When my mom asked him he could have just said no.
[ Reply | Options ]Okay. You asked a question on an anonymous board and now you are overreacting to the responses. Your brother gave an answer to your mom's question you didn't like and now you're going postal and playing the game of who had the worse childhood? As if your brother has no right to complain about his life or childhood or no right not to discuss it. You clearly want everyone to walk on egg-shells around you. Watch their words, don't dare say they had some tough times too. You are selfish. You had a terrible trauma. I too had a similar set of circumstances. But does not give me a right to preach to my siblings about how they feel about their childhood.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, I do understand the pain, and I have lived it. Do you feel you need to say that the abuse I experienced wasn't as bad as yours in order to discount my view now? My 2 suicide attempts weren't 3 so I can never understand? Look, I used to hold a bunch of anger at the wrong people, too, but the difference was I Knew it and controlled my emotions. Having had a bad thing happen to you does not excuse you from facing reality.
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