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poll - how much did your life change after having DCs (in terms of work hours, going out at night, seeing friends, going to the gym) also how much did DHs life change? for me - DH is living the exact same life, but i mine has totally changed - i rush home to see dd every night and would prefer to spend a night at home giving dd a bath and putting her to bed over going out for dinner w friends. i wohm and want to be with dd whenever i can, but am thinking that dh is just living in another world sometimes.....
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]You are me! My DH's lifestyle hasn't changed much at all. Still plays in a softball league and a basketball league, both with weekly games, still goes out with the boys on a weekly basis, still gets to the gym every day. Whereas all I do is work and then rush home to see my DS.
[ Reply | Options ]op here - are you resentful? i am not so much at this point because i am happy with my routine - going into work a little late - trying to go to the gym during the day and hten rishing home to be with dd before she goes to bed. i am just concerned that i am going to start to resent him
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Wow - both our our lives changed a TON! DH now runs home from work almost as often as I do and we both work from home in the evenings with equal frequency. He also has cut back a lot on his training (he's a competitive distance runner and triathlete). A lot of his socializing was with me as a couple and obviously we don't do that as much either!
[ Reply | Options ]I think the healthy balance is somewhere in between. How old is DC? If still very young, suspect you will want to get out more once s/he is older and you have settled into the admittedly hectic routine of WOHM. My DH was better at seeing that we needed to maintain adult lives and I have learned from his example. I think there is less inherent guilt for men, for example I felt like a good Mom would want to SAH and feel guilty for say, leaving DD in daycare while I take the occasional day off to have a date with DH or do "me" stuff or even run errands. DH never felt the least bit guilty about working or personal time and he is a very involved father (took 2 months pat leave actually). I learned from his example.
[ Reply | Options ]the older dcs get the more my dh makes an effort to get home. They are more fun now. In the beginning he said it was nothing but 'maintenance'. That said, I made an effort to take time for the gym etc. because he was and rather than get mad about it, I just made plans to do things for myself. Makes time with dcs and dh much more enjoyable
[ Reply | Options ]both changed a lot, but in different ways. my job sort of put me on the mommy track as soon as i got pg, so it became clear that DH needed to step it up at work (since no promotions, etc. for me). so he spends more time working than he used to. on the other hand, because i had to go back to work too but was more physically attached to dd when she was a baby, i learned early on that we would not survive unless i learned not to feel guilty about doing what i need to do (go to work, occasional haircuts, occasional nights out, etc.). for dh, his guilt didn't really kick in until she was more interactive which, coincidentally, was when we stopped bf'ing and when i suddenly had my body and a lot more time back...so, outside of work, i've had to work hard to convince him that it's okay to take some "me" and "us" time now and then.
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