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Did we ever reach a consensus on how to raise the self-esteem of girls who aren't attractive and subject to the prejudice of lookism?
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i think it makes sense to try and get them excited about something in their lives that capitalizes on something special they do have. sports, art, music... help them find what they are good at. but i have a little boy! it must be really heartbreaking to try and help your little girl through this. my MIL is still always talking about how tough it was for her growing up and not being cute.
[ Reply | Options ]I think if more parents of girls would teach them not to judge others by how they look on the outside but by what they are like on the inside it would do wonders for girls that aren't really physically attractive. I am one of those unattractive girls and it was so hard to handle all the teasing and to this day (at age 29) I still have really low self-esteem and never think I am pretty enough.
[ Reply | Options ]This is a hard one, isn't it? My dd is cute enough (she's 3, all 3 yo girls are cute!) and I get upset when people say, "Oh, she's so pretty" or "look how pretty your hair is" etc. bc I think this kind of emphasis, while well-intentioned, is really horrible for girls down the line; it makes them feel valued solely for what they look like. Sigh. It seems like trying to stop a runaway train. I just try to congratulate my dcs when they are kind, hardworking or creative - and really show that I think those are qualities to have and emulate.
[ Reply | Options ]beauty starts within. if she thinks she's beautiful and feels good about herself, others will, too.
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people like to say 'beauty is on ths inside' but truth is, if you don't wax your upper lip or eyebrows, it doesn't matter how much inner beauty you have, people are going to look at you with disdain. i never had money to do those things in junior high, and i was a loner. suddenly when i could afford new clothes and hair removal in high school, people became nice. Anyway the good thing is my mom has old fashioned ideas like girls who delay wearing makeup look more innocent and are more beautiful brides. So i never felt ugly at home. now i do the minimum societally mandated stuff (no supershort or superlong hair on head, completely hairless on body) but other than that i stay simple.
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Even if she's not beautiful, help her to be as attractive as possible. Normal weight, take care of face and hair, wear well-cut clothes. Honestly, I respect someone who makes the most of what they have more than someone who's given everything and throws it away.
[ Reply | Options ]I look at someone like the Singer Brandy. Her mother raised her to a have a lot of self-esteem and made her believe she could be anything she wanted to be. She wanted to be a singer and actress. All it took was one White music teacher in the 6th grade to tell Brandy she wasn't attractive, her eyes were too are apart, and she was too dark-skinned to make it. All her mother's hard-work almost went right out the window. It really crushed her. Now how a teacher could speak to a child like that is beyond me but it's hard to hold on to your self-esteem when someone you trust (a teacher or friend) so cruelly crushes it.
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