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what was more strain on your marriage? going from 0 dcs to 1 or from 1 to 2? and why? am going to start TTC #2 soon. DC#1 is really easy and dh and i are doing fine, many of my friends with 2dcs say that its harder on relationships wiht 2 - i cant quite figure out why. i wohm btw
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Going from 0 to 1 was much more difficult than going from 1 to 2. I think that we braced ourselves for #2 and were pleasantly surprised that it was not much more work.
[ Reply | Options ]np: i so hope that this is how it'll go for us. expecting #2 in january and we had a tough time going from 0 to 1. dh really felt the weight of carrying the household when we went to 1 income and for almost a year he concentrated on that and wasn't really that engaged with dd, or helpful towards me. i understood and things are much better now, but we work at it every day. i just hope we won't regress w/#2.
[ Reply | Options ]For us, it was that #1 needed so little sleep. Dh and I were so sleep deprived as ds woke up all night long, no matter what we tried. I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia when baby was 6 weeks old. With #2, we were prepared with a sleep, eat, play schedule that we strictly enforced. It was not that difficult and by 4 weeks of age, was sleeping from 7 pm to 7am with only one feed in the night. By 7 weeks of age, she was sleeping straight thru 7-7.
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With 0 to 1, the stress was more acute. With 1 to 2, the stress is more chronic.
[ Reply | Options ]here's my theory. if you had an easy time of it going from 0 to 1, then you'll have a hard time going from 1 to 2. but if you had a hard time with your first, then you finished your major adjustment period and you'll be ok going from one to 2.
[ Reply | Options ]^^and btw, my theory into the reason behind this is as follows. it's not the child that's difficult, it's the adjustment or change from your current life. if you found that having one child didn't require to much personal adjustment (either b/c you were mentally prepared, or between both parents it worked out fairly well, or other reasons), then you will likely find having two kids will require more adjustment. if having one dc was such a change that you had to adjust your behavior and your marriage and your expectations, then you are better prepared to handle the changes with dc#2
[ Reply | Options ]I completely and entirely agree with this theory. I have always told people that having #2 was the hardest (and I have 4 now,) but that was when really had to give up our life. We still lived a fairly close semblance to our pre-kid life with #1. At some point, you learn that you have to barter for any free time whatsoever, and that can take its toll on your relationship.
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I think if your relationship is stable to begin with then it wouldn't matter. The way I figure 2 kids and 2 parents. A lot of regressing, sibling rivalry, adjustment for older child, and other stuff takes more time and patience. I think people say this because the more children you have (assuming you don't have nannies, housekeepers, or weekend babysitters) take more time which means less time for each other. Plus there is the exhaustion factor, it can be hard to find time to be physical after taking care of a baby and chasing a toddler around all day long.
[ Reply | Options ]i felt like i had learned so much from the experience of #1 and our marriage had already become a "family" that with #2 i could relax more and know that this too will pass when night crying occurred, spitting up and rashes and all the othr baby stuff, and i could treasure and embrace the experience of a little baby with more ease and comfort.
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