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DH pushed me down forcefully after screaming at me right in front of 2.5 yr. ds. Called police and they came out. This is second time in front of ds. I know he is under stress, but there's no excuse. How do I deal with this? I feel like the scum of the earth.
38 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Call a domestic abuse hotline, discuss with a knowledgeable counselor, and pursue safe and realistic options that enable you to take you and you child out of a dangerous, potentially fatal, situation. Good luck to you.
[ Reply | Options ]sounds like a good idea. should have done that this afternoon, but i will do it tomorrow during nap.
[ Reply | Options ]awesome, that is a great step forward. I would talk to a counselor before taking any of the advice like "leave" or "change the locks"...these things can often cause the violence to escalate, depending on his temperament and history of abuse. Have someone talk you through this and determine the right pace for your exit strategy...good luck!!!!!
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http://www.nyc.gov/html/ocdv/html/services/services.shtml -- Mayor's Office to Combat Domestic Violence
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okay so what is your role in the altercation--someone who would post this on UB is drumming up support--i think there is more to your story
[ Reply | Options ]son was having a tantrum. ds was trying to force feed him hot food which ds does not like and i told him to just wait a minute and ds would start eating. he got very mad at me for interfering and then it escalated from there. i just kept saying please stop yelling in front of son -- that is all i was asking for, no more.
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He has to get anger management counseling. This is the second time and there are no more passes out. Poor ds and poor you to go through this but it's in your hands to prevent further emotional and physical harm. From now on, always carry a phone with you when he is around and at the slightest worry, call 911 and then it's out the door time (for him). Also call a domestic hotline as suggested to discuss where and what your options are. Good luck. This is serious as it's happened two times already.
[ Reply | Options ]p.s. YOU are not the scum of the earth; you have an abusive husband and it's time to get help.
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Why would YOU be the scum of the earth if your husband can't handle stress without violence?
[ Reply | Options ]Because I would never treat anyone that way -- just can't imagine...and it makes me sad that dh does not value us more.
[ Reply | Options ]But, that is him..not you or your child. He has the problem...your problem is that you are letting him make you feel demeaned. Now, that's the part which would make you less worth...letting him continue to make you feel this way. I didn't grow up in a violent household, but I grew up in one where the arguements were constant. It makes for a miserable, unhappy childhood. For the sake of your child, tell him it is counseling or to pack his bags.
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If my dh ever put his hands on me in a harmful manner (or try to force feed my dd) I would kick his butt to the curb so fast he'd leave skid marks. No amount of frustration or stress justifies physical abuse. I don't understand why woman defend men that obviously need anger management.
[ Reply | Options ]there is always an upcoming trial, a deadline, a stressful date looming which pushes men and women's buttons. he doesn't know how to deal w/stress and anger and is taking it out on you, in front of your ds who will be strongly impacted by this already. you must get him to anger management, counseling and if he refuses you have to protect yourself and ds. this will only get worse. i'm very sorry for you as it is an awful situation to deal with, but you have to be strong for ds and yourself. this will not fix itself.
[ Reply | Options ]My SIL is with a violent man. She will not leave and he is now in jail for assaulting her, she is waiting for him when he gets out. He said he has a mental illness and doesn't remember it...crap.
[ Reply | Options ]~what I was going on to say is that they have a 1 yr DD. I have watched this child go from happy smiley little girl to a silent watchful one. We saw her the other day and she didn't smile all day, even though were were at the beach and she loves playing with my DS. Even at a young age they are very affected by tension, misery and violence. Don't put your DS through this, get some help and make your DH get help. GL
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My husband's verbal abuse escalated to pushing and shoving. I didn't want to wait for the inevitable broken jaw or black eye. Abusers like this usually don't leave. So, I packed up my DC and left, having him served with an Order of Protection at the same time. There's no need to wait to call for help. Every police precinct has at least one Domestic Violence officer. And hot lines like Safe Horizon are open 24 hours a day to get you the help you need. DO NOT LULL YOURSELF INTO THINKING THINGS WILL GET BETTER, THEY WILL ONLY GET WORSE. Please heed our advice and exit for your DS's sake.
[ Reply | Options ]>>>>>Also, you must be absolutely honest when filing a police report. Call the domestic violence officer at your precinct to find out if you can amend the "shoving match" to what actually happened. Those police reports are important for Family Court.
[ Reply | Options ]I have to commend you OR and OP please listen to her. As someone who counsels women who were raped by their husbands or live-in boyfriends, this does not get better. It escalates. I actually had to take a mental break from doing this type of work because it so frustrating seeing these woman literally broken up into pieces and they are worried about the man who did this to them. Wondering how they are going to get the money to bail them out of jail, wondering how the arrest will affect their career, trying to convince there children their husband is a good man, etc. A truly good man, does not shove, slap, or punch the people he loves.
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