advertisement
Click Here
On BNET: Fix your remote like MacGyver
Sign up | Log in
new post » see more posts »

  • Our DD is a donor egg baby. The topic of sex and how babies are made hasn't come up yet, but when it does, how do I approach it? When is the appropriate time to tell her? Do I have some obligation to tell other members of our family. She looks just like me.

    9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    07.19.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag ]

    • I'm surprised your DE program did not require you to meet with a counselor to discuss this prior to proceeding. We looked into DE and some of the things our counselor pointed out were that its likely that genetic testing will become so much more common during our lifetimes that your DD will find out for herself and usually if she finds out without you telling her she feels like you are ashamed and is hurt by the betrayal. There are loads of ways to bring this up - in the beginning you can just talk about different kinds of families and as her understanding grows you can explain that you wanted a baby so much that you had to use someone else's eggs etc. Anyway - thats some of the suggestions I remember from meeting with a counselor who specialized in this - you might want to find someone and invest in a couple of hours to discuss your situation and what they typically see and how to broach these topics with your kids and family. GL!

      [ Reply | Options ]
      07.19.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I think you handle it the same way you would if she were adopted. Tell her that instead of her being created in your tummy she was created in your heart. That you were always destined to be together as mommy and daughter and it just took a little different path for you to find each other.

      [ Reply | Options ]
      07.19.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • Thank you. Part of that will work, but I carried her in my tummy so that part won't.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        07.19.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • I'm adopted, so I've got a bit of perspective. The tummy thing, I was thinking about how we're born with every egg we're ever going to have. So, her potential egg wasn't with you before but you were so lucky that she found you and you were able to be together and she could grow inside you.

          [ Reply | Options ]
          07.19.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • NP: There is a really great yahoo group called Parents Via Egg Donation (PVED) they have a ton of resources on this.. everything from books (developmentally appropriate) to how to tell the story about the "nice lady who gave us a special part of herself so we could have you" or some version thereof. I am currently preg via DE and the poster above is right, they told us tons about this during our prep at the clinic.

          [ Reply | Options ]
          07.19.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • call dr elizabeth grill at cornell - ask her (or her assistant) for books you can read on the topic. she might even have a consult with you and dh to discuss the topic and options for dealing. She recommends early telling btw - like 4 years old.

      [ Reply | Options ]
      07.19.09, 02:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • OP here: Since there hasn't been an opinion on this: Do I have an obligation to tell other members of the family?

      [ Reply | Options ]
      07.19.09, 04:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • OR w/ currently preg.. hell no (obligation). It really depends on the dynamics, your comfortability level as a family with disclosure, etc. We have been highly selective as to who we have told, and told no one in my husband's family (they are insane) and a select few on my side.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        07.19.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • As of right now, I have no plans in telling dc about de. A couple of friends and one family member know. Like poster above, parents are insane and no regard for privacy so the entire family would find out and dc would be told before I was ready to share info. While you have no obligation to tell family, you may want to after you explain it to dd as she may end up sharing with them.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        07.19.09, 08:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
advertisement
Click Here
advertisement
Click Here

UrbanBaby Asks...

Are you or your partner ever naked in front of your children?

Already voted? View Results

See previous polls »

Boards Help

Abbreviations
More Boards Help


Flashback