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There are many things that I would like to give my children that I can't afford: a country house, world travels and yes, private school. Why do some ubers here have such a hard time admitting that private school kids get a better education than public school kids? My kids are happy and healthy, but the education that they are getting in the nyc public school system is not great.
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right. so it's her responsibility to be an advocate for her child's education. if she can't send dc to another school that is better, then she needs to step up at home and supplement the education
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It's called envy. We live in a small two bedroom and if I could afford it, I'd buy a roomy prewar. Dcs attend public school and if I could afford it I'd send them to private. I don't go around claiming that our apartment is just as nice as huge prewar overlooking the park or a loft in Tribeca and I don't go around claiming that my dcs public school is as good as Dalton.
[ Reply | Options ]We have done both public and private and we liked both. The private school has much more emphasis on community service, which surprised us. In other words, the kids in the private school, while wealthier, are not entitled and learn from an early age to give back to the community and to help those with less. My dcs public did a little bit of that, but it was not a priority.
[ Reply | Options ]All of those things are nice...but if we weren't living in a strata where those things appear to be the norm, we wouldn't think that we were depriving our kids if we didn't have them. The average income for a family of 4 in this country is about 45k. And, those kids grow up just fine. As for a great education, value education at home. I went to totally crappy public schools, but my parents limited TV, we all read books, we all talked about them. No flaming please...but oftentime I think that parents believe if they pay big bucks to a school that their child's education is "complete". Love of learning comes from seeing love of learning at home.
[ Reply | Options ]I worry about the opposite. Our DD has a great life...goes to a great school, lots of enrichment programs, doting parents. I had none of that. I grew up very self-reliant, pretty tough and I think those qualities have served me well. I hope to give her that and a great education, etc., but everything is a trade-off. I know lots of upper child, Ivy League adults who are now unemployed. They never experienced anything but a smooth upper trajectory, and now they are completely unprepared for a life that isn't easy.
[ Reply | Options ]My dd went through Dalton K-12. Was it great? No. She needed tutors to learn to write, and never learned to love reading. I thought they would teach her to love learning- No. Her graduating class sent a large number of students to mid-western state schools. You can get that from any suburban public school. Did she make good friends? Yes. But she makes friends easily. Was it worth $$$$? Not so sure....
[ Reply | Options ]Friend of mine had a similar experience. Her daughter had to be tutored through an elite h.s., went to 3 middlin colleges, and now works as a receptionist. Her parents meant the best for her, but she never did develop any drive.
[ Reply | Options ]when we were applying to K and getting sucked into the TT madness, we were at one school sitting with a table with other parents. One was saying she also had a 19 yo who had graduated Dalton and was going to SUNY. A great school isn't going to do much for a mediocre student and a great student will turn out fine in any half way decent school. Of course the overall experience at private will be nicer but if the child doesn't know any different, it doesn't really affect them.
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My Dalton dd made great friends- great connections. A great education- not so much.
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I don't want to talk politics, but I remind myself: Bill Clinton vs. George W. Bush. Clinton grew up in a alcoholic home with an abusive stepfather. Went to public schools in Hope, Arkansas. George W...everything that money could buy. Clinton may not know how to keep his pants on, but I'd say Clinton is the better, more successful person.
[ Reply | Options ]I've been through both private and public. Let me ask you this: What makes private schools better than public? Besides class size? Seriously. Because teacher qualifications are about the same, if not, better in public schools. The way I see it, it's been my experience that I just pour money into private school and they'd "take care of it." Money works.
[ Reply | Options ]We can afford all of the above, but I don't think it is that much important. We finally sent out dc to a private (a good one), but thought long and hard if it makes any sense (vs. sending to public). We can buy a country house but I don't think it is worth the trouble. World travel is important, in my opinion, but you can swing 1 trip a year without breaking your bank. Fwiw, neither I not dh had any things you mentioned, and we turned out to be very successful professionals and very content people. All depends on kid's ability and drive, IMO. Don't sweat it. You kids are fine.
[ Reply | Options ]The only thing we're "giving" our child out of your 3 is world travels. But I love to travel. Other than that, I don't want to have a country house (though I suppose we could) and dc got into a great public school and so far, going in to HS, has had a wonderful education. Better than private school? I don't know - dc has never been to private school.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't think most do (have trouble admitting, etc.) but most would say it doesn't matter so much overall depending on which public, etc.
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I think it depends on your child and the school. We have a driven dc who doesn't need a lot of individualized attention and is willing to ask for it if she needs it. We were in a second tier private and were so NOT impressed. Nice people but we found the kids, though nice, spoiled and not into school. Now at a citiwide and thrilled. Nice families, driven kids (not just with school but extracurricular and fun as well), the teachers seem extremely excited about what they do and the kids. Hoped to be equal to private ended up being so much better. Definitely not a coddling....which we like. Life can be tough we want our dc to be able to handle the real world...not have everything solved for her.
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The school is NOT the key. Their upbringing is! Create an atmosphere at home that promotes creativity and a love of learning ~ Reading, WRITING, travel, stimulating discussions, shared experiences. Don't farm your kids out to nannies and extra curricula activities all the time. Talk to their teachers and find out what is being taught in school and EXPAND on that! That will be meaningful to your child. They will be able to "see and understand" what is discussed in class. Do experiments at home in science and art. Visit historical places. How do things work? Go and SEE! Tour companies, factories, tunnels, backstage at theaters (Madison Square Gardens, Linclon Center, Radio City, NBC~ all do tours!) These experiences will be remembered and your child will be curious and LEARN. It worked for my kids, now very successful adults!
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