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I know my friend's boyfriend (also a friend) is cheating on her. Should I tell her?
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Don't tell her. When I was in this position in college I told the cheating boyfriend that his secret would no longer be safe with me after one week and he better get his act together. It worked like a charm - he dumped the hoochie on the side, and he and my dear friend ended up getting married. There were never any hard feelings between the then cheating boyfriend and me - he knew that he was in the wrong and that I had to say or do something as he was cheating with one of my sorority sisters - and I just couldn't let that happen to one of my best friends. We're still best of friends 20 years later (not including the hoochie)!
[ Reply | Options ]i would tell a friend. nothing worse than being cheated on and THEN finding out everyone knew...it's humiliating. i would go to him since he's a friend and say "if you don't tell her, i will" and if he doesn't, tell her. friends are supposed to care and look out for each other.
[ Reply | Options ]I like this approach. Give him a chance to tell and if not, you should tell. Ask yourself if you would want a friend to tell you. She might not happy in the short run, but it's the right thing to do and eventually she'll get over the hurt from you.
[ Reply | Options ]i was on the receiving end of a cheating relationship my first year in college. not that big a deal looking back on it (young college relationships being what they are) but the one thing that still smarts a bit is knowing how many people knew about it before me. not one person came forth until bf's male friend basically felt sorry for me and told me. i will always be grateful for that.
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I'm on the fence about doing this. I did something similar and it blew up in my face. The cheater went to my friend and told her I was coming on to him and that I was spreading rumors about him. She believed him. Our friendship was severed which in the end was probably for the best. I heard later, like 10 years later, lol, that they had major marital problems and he left her for a side-piece. She tried to friend me on Facebook but I ignored her. So if you take this approach, I hope that the cheater is really a decent person who just made a mistake and will do the right thing.
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My boyfriend after college became roommates (through me) with a friend of mine who had been one of my closest friends for many years. Long story short, my bf started cheating on me with someone while I was out of town for a few weeks and my friend never told me, even though she knew and saw them coming and going. When I got back and found out (ick), I confronted my friend and she said she didn't know what to say or do. The betrayal by my bf was bad - but the betrayal by my friend was horrible, unfixable. I could never really speak to her again.
[ Reply | Options ]to OP: very wise perspective given here, but it's still not easy. i can see how one would feel betrayed if a friend didn't tell them esp. if your friend thought the relationship was serious.
[ Reply | Options ]OR: Before that experience, I probably might have agreed with those who say to mind your business, but now that I'm on the other side, I say she should either confront the bf or tell the friend. Doing nothing, imo, is a betrayal. What would you like someone to do if you were being cheated on? I wish my former friend had saved me at least some of the humiliation I endured.
[ Reply | Options ]Would you have believed her? I find that majority of women will always side with the boyfriend and think they close friend is lying or misinterpreted what she saw. Women always proclaim, we are family, we are all sisters under a goddess moon. But tell them that their spouse or boyfriend is cheating and they will kick you to curb in a heartbeat.
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A DH I might advise differently. I never told my Mom went I found out about my Dad. I knew if she wanted to know, she could see it. I am very comfortable with that. However, my Best Friend in the world, had the guts to tell me when a boyfriend with whom I was devoted to and recently got back together with, told me he had been with a girl I had always had issues with. When I confronted him, he lied. I found out the truth because I wanted to. I am forever grateful that she told me and saved me years of heartache with this jerk. She remains my BFF. A lot depends on what you "know". If you saw them directly versus hersay. I might tell her " I have been thinking about this and I am not sure if it is true or not but ....XYZ" If she wants to investigate, she will. If she doesn't want to hear it, you told her and it was her choice.
[ Reply | Options ]I think you should tell HIM first that you know, and try to get him to fess up to her. If he won't, tell him you will before actually talking to her.
[ Reply | Options ]please tell her! would you let your friend marry this guy, a cheater? no way. and she shouldn't be wasting her time dating him. you are there to love and protect your friends, even though that's sometimes hard. she deserves to have all of the information and decide for herself what to do. also, in knowing and not telling, you are complicit in the betrayal.
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