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  • My mother in CA claims that she can't afford to fly out to visit me since I've had my DCs, yet she just emailed with news that she just bought a new car. She's been out to see me once since my DCs were born, #1 is 22 m/o and #2 is a newborn. Typical, yet I am still hurt.

    22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    07.14.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag ]

    • Maybe she really needs a new car. I know how you feel though my parents are overseas and have visited once in 3yrs.

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      07.14.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • She was driving an older car that has been giving her problems, but the car she bought is $45K. Couldn't she have put buying off the car for one month? One payment on the car is equal to 2 flights out here.

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        07.14.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • so sorry, i understand what you are going through. I find that the friends in my are more my family. It is hurtful, and i know nothing takes the place of a present mother who comes to visit. Enjoy your babies and be present in their life.

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      07.14.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • why don't you send her a ticket?

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      07.14.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • ita - we always pay for MIL to visit us because we want her to be able to come regularly.

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        07.14.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • We are going through a rough time right now. I am a SAHM/PhD student and DH took a huge pay cut in March. This is the first month in almost 6 months where we've finally started to put some money away again.

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        07.14.09, 01:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I think we have this stereotype of doting Grandmothers. My MIL barely liked her own children, was only too relieved when they left the house, and never gave DS a single toy. Perhaps your mother loves being a grandmother from a distance.

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      07.14.09, 01:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • Perhaps. But in her daily emails to me she talks about how she cries when she see their pictures and how she's so sad that she's not a part of their lives.

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        07.14.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • np. My Mom is the same but she rarely visit and when she does she shows very little interest in dcs. Sad but true.

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          07.14.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • Actions speak louder than words. Your mom doesn't "need" a $45K car. Some of that can be put aside to visit you/dc's IF she actually wanted to.

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            07.15.09, 07:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I totally agree that people cling onto the doting Grandmother stereotype. Not my mom! She doesn't admit it but she doesn't like the grandkids until they're old enough to listen to her and pay attention to her. Then she swoops in and comes up with treasure hunts, fun games, activity charts, etc. Prior to that though, they're invisible. My advice to OP: take your Mom for what she is, don't expect a lot, and you will never be disappointed again.

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        07.14.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • get webcams so you can talk over the internet and she can see the babies. not everyone likes to travel, stay in others' houses, arrange for things to be taken care of at home, etc., etc. it's not nec about the cost of the ticket and it doesn't mean you're not loved.

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      07.14.09, 02:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • But this isn't about OP, this is about her kids, the woman's grandkids. She sounds pathological.

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        07.14.09, 06:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • of course it's about op -- her feelings are hurt. it's a way for everyone to stay closer connected via webcams since her mother doesn't want to fly to visit. people seem to do a lot of kvetching to me when they can find other ways to work things out to everyone's satisfaction. and if op is just desperate to have mom visit, fly her out.

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          07.14.09, 08:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • she doesn sound self-centered. i would offer to split the cost of a ticket with her.

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      07.14.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Some people are relieved to have their life back after raising their own kids and really don't want to be bothered with kids again. Sad, but true. They kid that the best thing about being grandparents is that they can give the kid back to the parents. Sorry, op.

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      07.15.09, 08:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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