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Asian Moms: Do you get annoyed when strangers say "Ni Hao," to you ("Hello" in Chinese?). I get really annoyed at this. My DB is half-Caucasian, and some guy sat down next to us and said Ni Hao to him (never mind that I am Korean). I feel like my Asianess is all they see. It's annoying enough when it happens to me, but DB too?
222 replies [ Reply | Watch | Morei think saying "ni hao" has become popularized especially with shows like ni-hao, kai-lan...and people learn a little and try to use it, or make a connection without realizing it. it's not just a racial issue...i am french but have been here a long time, speak english w/out an accent and people can know me for a while w/out realizing where i'm from originally. when i mention it i usually get stupid frenchie questions like "do you shave your legs", "do you eat cheese" and stuff i've been hearing since the 5th grade.
[ Reply | More ]--what i'm getting at is that people use the (sometimes very) little they know about a culture when they think they know where you're from and try to reach out that way. i try not to take offense and it's a reflection on their ignorance more than anything...but more often than not i try to take it in a positive way.
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Yeah, that happens to me all the time too. In fact, it happens so often that I've stopped being annoyed by it... typically, it's an older guy who was in the army or had a Chinese friend, learned a couple of phrases, and is trying to be friendly. I give him points for trying to be friendly, correct him, and try to teach him the phrase in my language.
[ Reply | More ]I don't feel offended at all. I think they're just trying to be friendly. Don't Korean people say "Hello" to all foreigners whether the foreigner is from Germany or Italy? Do you think this German or Italian should feel offended? You should think about why you feel offended.
[ Reply | More ]In America? Yes, we say Hello, regardless of ancestry. That's my point though. Why am I (and DC) only seen as Korean, and not American? That's why I feel offended (not to mention this thinking that all Asians are Chinese or whatever).
[ Reply | More ]No, in Korea. When Korean people in Korea see foreigners in Korea, don't they try to say "Hello" to these foreigners regardless of their origin? Didn't you just complain they take you as Chinese by saying "Ni Hao" to you? What do Koreans in Korea think when they see a caucasian in Korea? Are Koreans able to distinguish what kind of foreigner this is and to say Hello in the language of the foreigner? If not, do you think this foreigner should feel offended? Do you think Korean people consider a foreigner who is a naturalized citizen of Korea as Korean?
[ Reply | More ]NP: I think this is a faulty example. English is a universal language. Koreans would greet Chinese people with a Hello in Korea, too.
[ Reply | More ]Well, I'm quite sure Koreans don't say "Hello" to Chinese people or to any Asians in Korea. You're assuming a French or someone from Estonia will be pleased to hear "Hello" since it's a universal language. Before you make that assumption, ask them first. However, I don't think a French or an Estonian would feel "offended" when someone says Hello to them in the US or elsewhere.
[ Reply | More ]Um, what do you think Koreans should say to Chinese people in Korea? Korean and Chinese are nothing alike, so of course they would converse in English.
[ Reply | More ]Why do you assume all Chinese or Koreans speak English? I've been to Korea. Most people don't speak English at all. Younger generation can speak some simple English. Korean people just continue to talk to me in Korean whether I understand it or not. That's what they will do to Chinese people. Especially when they see any Asians, they assume you're Korean and will speak to you in Korean.
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not an asian mom, but have a suggestion: why not just take it as a gesture of friendliness? say ni-hao back and then say, actually, i'm korean, and in the korean language, you say xxx. the world would be such a better place if people would just reach out and try to be friendly and not get smacked down in return.
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Thank you. My point exactly. Isn't there a difference between Puerto Ricans and Columbians? South Africans and Jamaicans?
[ Reply | More ]of course there is, but the point is that people often can't tell, so help them out -- they're trying to be friendly, not racist! sheesh!
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ok so you can look at me and tell whether i'm english, french, northern italian, spanish, austrian or german? i don't think so. some people are prickly by demeanor and get so offended if you guess their nationality wrong...give me a break.
[ Reply | More ]oddly enough, i probably could, so this is a bad example. however, i'm not going for this melting pot crap. i'm from somewhere else, and american ignorance about geography is obnoxious.
[ Reply | More ]This is idiotic. There are ethnic Chinese who look more like most Koreans (Jilin province for example) than people from other parts of China. China is a big friggin' country with some really different looking ethnic groups. I'm surprised you didn't know that. (FWIW, I'm as white as the guy from powder.)
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It's not that they got my nationality wrong. Look, like you said, I can't look at you and determine if you're English or French, right? So why would I - in America, where we all speak English - come up to you randomly and say, "Bonjour!" I wouldn't. Why is the rule different for Asians?
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I totally get what you are saying OP. I am an orthodox jew and dress accordingly. I am also an educated mom and born and bred in NY. I cannot even count the # of times, this summer alone, people have said "SHALOM" to me, because obviously I am from ISRAEL and speak HEBREW since I am JEWISH. People judge by what they see. they see me wearing a skirt and long sleeves, they assume I am jewish. jewish people live in israel. therefore she must be jewish. they mean well, they are just ignorant! I am sorry 4 your frustration.
[ Reply | More ]isn't this a bit of an overreaction? so are you saying they are totally incorrect to assume that you have some passing familiarity with Hebrew and that you might know what Shalom means? good grief, people.
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you're obviously a person, that's why they're trying to talk to you. like it or not, the way you present sends a message about who you are, your beliefs, the chances that you might understand hebrew, etc. to me, it's something to be celebrated, not to get annoyed at other people for trying to reach out.
[ Reply | More ]I understand what you are getting at. Look, at times (when it happens 5x/day - like you walk into coldstone and someone in line is like "oh you can have ice cream? but arent you jewish and like cant you just eat vegan?" etc, it gets old. but I AM proud of who I am and I know how I dress and act sends a message. I was just saying I understand how the OP feels-the whole stereotyping based on how you look thing.
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Do you think Americans should feel offended when French people say "Hello" to them when they're in Paris?
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I don't know the ethnicity of the other responders, but I am Chinese and yes, I get offended, too. It sucks when people make assumptions about you based on the way you look.
[ Reply | More ]if you are chinese, how on earth is it a problem to assume that you know what ni-hao means? i really do not get this.
[ Reply | More ]Because I feel the same way that OP feels, that I'm reduced to just being Chinese, that's it.
[ Reply | More ]so please let me know (this is an genuine question)...should we make any assumptions? make no conversation about your culture in case we're wrong? do you prefer to be referred to as "asian" IF you have to be referred to as anything at all? i'm honestly trying to learn more sensitivity but am at a loss after all the posts above.
[ Reply | More ]I prefer to be referred to as Chinese, but if you didn't know then yes, I would prefer Asian rather than an incorrect assumption. Korea, China, and Japan are three vastly different countries. As to conversations about my culture, I have no problems getting into a discussion about the significance of the Moon Festival or the Lunar New Year, provided that's not all we talk about and that I am not treated like an exotic oddity.
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you're not REDUCED -- they're trying to celebrate it by saying ni-hao, and trying to reach out. I think a lot of people are bringing their own baggage to this situation.
[ Reply | More ]NP: Celebrate our differences, because I am different than you. Why don't people go up to random white people and say Bonjour?
[ Reply | More ]because you can't tell as easily what international affiliation they might have, if any.
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right, but it's about trying to reach out and the probability of success. that, too, is the point. the chance that they'll understand ni-hao is higher than the chance a random white person will understand privet (phonetic) given that nyc has one of the largest chinese-american populations in the western hemisphere.
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I'm white and married to a Korean. If someone said Ni Hao to DH or my kids, we would both be seriously pissed off.
[ Reply | More ]Thank you. I feel like only Asians can relate to this. Has anyone responded that they wouldn't be offended and were Asian - just curious.
[ Reply | More ]I did, above, but I pointed out that this has happened so often that I've worked it out of my system... as I have also worked out the compliments to my excellent English (born in the U.S.) If it's kindly meant, I'll take it kindly, and use the opportunity to educate people a little about Asia and Asian-Americans.
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then you've got too much anger -- as a white person married to a korean, i'm guessing there was some education in your own past, and that your own parents didn't teach you the complicated geopolitical history of various asian countries. why not give that same information to others?
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why is the post confusing? the white responder married to a koren at some point learned about the differences between cultures and why koreans might be offended to be called chinese, etc. s/he wasn't born with that knowledge and it likely wasn't instilled by his/her parents. why not give others the same opp at education? that's the point. it's nothing to get angry about.
[ Reply | More ]Seriously, WTF is wrong with you???? Yes, I married a Korean, but jesus christ, no one had to educate me that Koreans and Chinese are not different cultures while we were dating.
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Don't be obtuse. being different cultures is different from getting ANGRY that people would see your dh and mistake him for being chinese. there's a lot of cultural history built into the anger statement and that's what I'm saying is the result of some cross-cultural education. i mean, REALLY!
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One possible issue is that Korea, Japan, and China (and probably all the different regions of China) have complicated geopolitical histories. So it's somewhat on a par with mistaking Irish for English, or Pakistan for Indian, or [insert names of warring or sometimes hostile neighboring countries here.] I'm second generation Korean, I'm pretty chill, but my parents get annoyed to be considered Japanese, given that my grandfather was disappeared by the Japanese, mother's uncles were imprisoned for decades by the Japanese, they were forced to speak Japanese as children, etc.
[ Reply | More ]I think OP is just insecure about herself. Whether you take it as friendly gesture or feel offended depend on how you view your origin as Asian, Korean or whatever.
[ Reply | More ]Please enlighten me as to why I am insecure. I speak perfect English (no accent) and fluent Korean. I am completely secure in my identity as a Korean-American. What I am not, however, is happy being considered as a "foreigner." How does that make me insecure?
[ Reply | More ]I think this is key and needs to be repeated many times. It needs to be repeated as many times as it takes. Asian Americans are not foreigners. This is deep, white and black people, think about it until you know it.
[ Reply | More ]what are you talking about? no one is saying anyone is a foreigner. this is a chip on your shoulder. people are just acknowleding that you, like everyone in this country, are a hyphenated american and they're trying to reach out. relax!
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a bunch of people, including me, have already decided that we're done with you. Zai Jain ;o)
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LOL. Aside from the Angry WASP poster and Angry Asian poster, I'm having a really good time with this thread - OP.
[ Reply | More ];o) i've been thinking about this and i think the reason why people assume that asians they see must be chinese is because of the influence of chinese culture on our own. not saying they should make such assumptions, but i really don't think it's malicious. think of how ubiquitous chinese food is (although korean food is actually one of my fave foods), or how the fortune cookies always encourage you to Speak Chinese! and then have a phrase or two on there. I really do think people are just trying to be friendly.
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So we have to be sensitive and inclusive of some cultures and blind to others. Holy Shit. But not for everyone... just for some. Maybe it would be easier if everyone wore a tee shirt announcing this. "Hi, my name is Jane. My people were Irish, English and French. I respond only to English (and a tiny bit of Spanish from when I worked in a restaurant.)"
[ Reply | More ]guy was just trying to hit on you, obviously a jerk, don't freak out about it. i am trying to teach my kids not to talk to strangers at all.
[ Reply | More ]Yeah, it's a little presumptuous not only to assume that you're Chinese but also to assume that you speak the language, which you might not if you're a couple generations in. That said, those people are just being nice, trying to find bonds between themselves and people they meet. It's harmless. A little annoying, but harmless.
[ Reply | More ]I think it is harmless, too, which is why my original post just said I was annoyed, because that's all I am. I don't know why people can't understand why I am annoyed.
[ Reply | More ]people do understand. they're just saying glass half empty/glass half full -- use it as a way to be friendly and build bridges rather than getting your back up.
[ Reply | More ]Because everything "we" do is wrong. "We" here is the majority. The white anglo-saxons. We are wrong when we don't try and recognize your cultural/ethnic ancestry/differences and now (according to you) we are wrong when we do.
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Last summer I was staying at a friend's vacation home with my friend and another family. The parents expressed awe that I didn't have an accent at dinner, and after dinner the 11 yo asked when I came to this country and how did I fit everything on a boat.
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I'm American. A Black American. I do not say hello in another language when I encounter someone of a different race. Call my crass, but I say Hello in english and depending on the situation. I'll say Hello, may name is Claire Huxtable. Nice to meet you. I'm in New York, I assume most people speak English. I know. I know. How rude of me. If I meet another person who speaks very little english, they will tell me. I put they ball in their court. Most of the time the conversation is fun. I speak English they speak in a bit of say Korean, we try to figure out what each other is saying. Have a good laugh and we both made a new friend. What the guy did in OP's scenario is obtuse and rude but in the grand scheme of things ultimately harmless.
[ Reply | More ]^^^^ I also like to add that these faux post-racial political correctness on UB in ridiculous. How many times have teachers assumed all the Asian students in class where of the same ethnicity and background? This annoyed my Vietnamese American friend to now end. How many times did a teacher assume all kids with Latino backgrounds were the same? And these are TEACHERS. Most people do only see race or ethnicity. But it doesn't mean they have ill intentions in every scenario.
[ Reply | More ]np - for that matter, even black. i'm from the caribbean, but we get lumped in with african and aa.
[ Reply | More ]I'm AA. In all honesty I don't mind being mistaken for African and it's usually by people from Africa. I kinda gives a little sense of history. My family has been here for generation, but we can never really trace our roots except back to this plantation in North Carolina. Beyond that...it's a mystery.
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In college I was waiting to see a professor and I overheard a conversation he was having with a TA. How it started I'm not sure, but it ended with him saying, "Yes, the Asian people are very hard working." College professor, people.
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You're lucky the guy is even trying to say Ni Hao to you. This is US. Do you have any idea how south Asians workers are treated in Korea? Or, how the majority of Vietnamese(or from other poor countries) brides who married poor and old Korean guys are treated in Korea?
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Because people are at least saying Hello trying to be friendly which OP took it completely wrong way. OP is being so picky about what this inane Hello from Americans, but she has to look how people are where she is in the country of her (or her parents) origin. I'm wondering if OP's reaction has anything to do with the horrible mistreatment of foreigners (except whites from developed countries) by Koreans in Korea.
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If an American named John goes to Korea, Koreans will say "Oh, that's how Americans do this and that." for whatever John does. You don't look like the majority of Americans and it's normal some people will approach you with general stereotypes. That happens to everyone. The question is why it's such a problem for you. It's your insecurity.
[ Reply | More ]Based on some anonymous thread, you're saying I'm reacting negatively (BTW, I don't recall saying that I bashed the guy in the head or kicked him in the nuts, merely that I was annoyed, so I don't know where you're getting the idea that I was rude) because I am Korean. How are you any different?
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okay, if you want to bash Koreans in Korea manners start your own friggin' thread... preferably on a K
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when i was a 16yo blond girl who had already waived college calculus, helping my ditsy friend with her algebra 1 homework, a guy came up and in a very patronizing and condescending way started to explain algebra to me. it was similarly annoying. people making wrong assumptions is very irritating. it actually happened a lot in other forms, blond girl = dumb.
[ Reply | More ]exactly...this happens in such a wide variety of ways. i grew up in miami and my name is eastern european (but sounds like what could be latin) and latin american women who would meet me would immediately start speaking spanish to me. big wup.
[ Reply | More ]Of course it happens in a variety of ways, I was just sharing mine. I didn't jump up and scream "Racist!" on the train. I just found it annoying. On my day off, with DH out with DS, I'm killing some time paying bills and posting on UB. I'm not trying to start anything. Everything was going so well this morning.
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I can't believe this fucking thread. An idiot assumes a Korean-American is Chinese and SHE needs to get over it??? Wow, how nice to be white and expect the world to conform to their stupidity and humor them.
[ Reply | More ]ok so i was reading the "dh here ask me anything" thread and saw a response that was interesting. along the lines of what we're discussing - making racial or cultural assumptions about someone - is this ok? "I live on the UES too and I always assume the dads seen on weekdays were laid off. They usually look like preppy-ish bankers to me." see, i find that to be a rude and judgmental assumption, but not one person responded.
[ Reply | More ]OP. I'm a white chick married to an asian dude (his folks are Korean, mine are Euro). I try to be sensitive to racial identity, but it's been a journey to learn what is annoying to people and what is acceptable (and, everyone is has different issues). My parents, in the attempt at making small talk and goodwill, are exactly like the person that annoyed you. They'll tell ANY asian about their Korean SonInLaw and fully expect them to care (they do other even more heinous things too). As much as it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up I realize that their intent is the COMPLETE opposite of wanting to annoy. Anyway, I get where you are coming from and I cringe WITH you, but I hope that you can read intent and try not to let things get to you. Maybe you can also remember a time where you may have been guilty of the same crime? I know I've often been of both sides of that coin.
[ Reply | More ]I get it, thanks. Wow, what a great way to waste a day off, ladies! FWIW, I hear what everyone has said and with the exception of the couple of racist loonies, thanks for letting me vent. Let me state for the record I am not angry at all, and any aggressive posts were not done by me -- I swear I'm not looney!
[ Reply | More ]np; since we are all venting here, fwiw, I am Chinese and I get Korean people talking to me in Korean all the time whether it was in a Korean store or restaurant and sometimes I was just out and about on the street. Based on your rational, maybe I should get annoyed by it too? Can't Asian people tell apart Chinese from Korean?
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