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  • taking a break from 4th of july activities and need to vent.... you know what i hate? the fact that my dh is self-esteem downer. he brings down my self-esteem and now he is starting to do it to the kids. HATE IT

    10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    07.04.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag ]

    • The ONLY person responsible for your self esteem is you! You are an adult. No one can take it away unless you let them. So buck up

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      07.04.09, 01:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • you've apparently never lived with someone who does this to you. you can have GREAT esteem but if a person you love and respect starts to nick away at that, it can really hurt.

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        07.04.09, 03:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • np: try therapy then

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          07.04.09, 04:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • i don't have a problem with this, thank you very much. i just have enough empathy and have been able to step outside myself and help some friends who have found themselves in that situation. how sad for you that you can't possibly understand that.

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            07.04.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • new poster: you are right-this is HIS problem, but it is affecting you and the kids. Try as hard as you can to nip this in the bud. Look hard at your marriage, try couples therapy, indiv. therapy for him, maybe he needs to join a hockey or baseball league to get out his own frustration--the frustration he is now taking out on you. Also, I don't know if there is an Al-anon type group for someone like him. Like "Anger-anon" that you could go to and get the tools, support, understanding and help you need to either make this work or start talking about what the real consequences will be. No idle threats.

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              07.04.09, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I lived with a Dh liked this and the best I ever did for myself and my children was to divorce him. He was absolutely determined chisel away at my self-esteem until I was nothing. Don't let him do it to you. I've long since remarried to a terrific guy who is an amazing step-father. What I've learned is that when a person really loves you they are not interested in tearing you down.

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      07.04.09, 04:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • i agree w/this, UNLESS he understands what he's doing and is remorseful and wants to change. otherwise it'll just get worse :(

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        07.04.09, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • You need to get away from him. Do you really want your kids growing up with low self-esteem because daddy picks on them? This little picking away will destroy them and they will end up marrying somebody who does exactly the same or worse is physically abusive. By then they won't have any self-esteem left and think that the deserve it. It's time to get out and the sooner the better, for both your sake and your kids.

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      07.04.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • OP? Is this helping at all......

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      07.04.09, 04:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • My dad is like that, he does this to stay in control...if we make a decision he does not like, he goes totally crazy and will start saying really insulting things. I always back down and only recently I've realized this is a pattern.

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      07.05.09, 08:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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