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I've become more pro-choice than ever since having a child; I can't imagine this kind of a responsibility/life change/sacrifice (sometimes) without really really wanting it.
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I have always been Pro-life. How hard is it to sacrifice nine months of your life and give the baby up for adoption?
[ Reply | Options ]I agree. I worry also about the child also who may grow up in the foster care system if they don't have the "desirables" or being abused by the woman who is suppose to care for him or her. Ugh. No easy solutions. Which is why I'm big on promoting birth control. I may be tilting at windmills but so be it.
[ Reply | Options ]honestly, little babies get adopted right away in this country (even the minorities). Everyone wants babies, it's the kids who are put up for adoption later that have a hard time getting adopted. I'm pro-choice, and am the poster above who said it would be hard in my book, but this isn't a very compelling reason.
[ Reply | Options ]That is so not true and many, many, many minority babies and toddlers are languishing in foster care in this country.
[ Reply | Options ]of course they are. while people are travelling across the hemisphere to get a child that looks like them. hypocrites.
[ Reply | Options ]ummm, they also travel to Ethiopia to get babies (many who have been taken away from their parents without full disclosure)
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I'm not the pro-life loon, I'm pro-choice, but I think that you are wrong. Most babies in this country who get given up immediately after birth get adopted. In my area it is nearly impossible to even become a foster parent for these babies because there is so much competition (assuming no other serious health issues like addiction).
[ Reply | Options ]I don't agree. If you said White babies or Latino babies who look White, maybe some validity.
[ Reply | Options ]I have a friend going through the process, and she is on an extremely long waiting list and is willing to take any baby.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, that's not entirely true. The resistance actually has come from black caseworkers who believe that black children would be better off in black homes. So this has made it more difficult and this is why so many people have found it "easier" to go overseas. I am black, btw.
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that would be anti choice, and it is hard. also, people act as if folks are out there clamoring for babies, but statistics show otherwise.
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ITA. it scares the hell out of me that people who don't want babies would be charged with carrying them around for 9 months and perhaps parenting them for the rest of their lives. i definitely give mad props to the women who are willing and able to carry babies for 9 months and give them up for adoption. but i recognize that this is not for everyone, and it is DEFINITELY not in the best interests of a child to have a woman who doesn't want this responsibility determining his/her lifelong health. parenting, and even pregnancy, requires major sacrifice.
[ Reply | Options ]I had two babies 1 at 16 the other at 18. I often think about what I would do if I could relive the moment I had unprotected sex or the moment I found out I was pregnant. I actually thought about putting my baby up for adoption. I confided in a nurse at St. Luke's hospital. You know what she said, a Black baby boy will never get adopted. This was in 1988. To be honest, if I could go back knowing all the struggles, I would have had an abortion. Things worked out alright. I put myself through NYU & Princeton, got remarried to a great guy and have a kid at Cornel and one at American. But there were a few exhausting horrific moments along the way.
[ Reply | Options ]Ugh. Pro lifer here (as in anti abortion in all but the most desperate medical circumstances, even then, I'm iffy). The fact that you referred to said child as an "it" said it all for me and how you view the lives of the helpless.
[ Reply | Options ]not OP but I think the "it" at the end of the sentence referred to responsibility, not child.
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Even if she did mean child, that's hardly unusual. Haven't you ever heard anyone say "it's a boy" or "it's a girl"? Do they also lack respect for the "lives of the helpless"?
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Funny. Every time my throat gets heavy when I see that heart beating at the first u/s I feel less and less ok with it.
[ Reply | Options ]You are obviously in the minority. Pro choicers only seem to feel this way when the child is wanted. Otherwise, it's a clump of cells.
[ Reply | Options ]np: ITA. I'm pro-choice and will remain pro-choice since it's not MY choice to decide what other women should do with their bodies BUT, I feel the same way. The relief and attachment and protectiveness I felt seeing the HB at 6wks made me less easy to say it's just "a clump of cells". We all need to work together to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
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was pro-choice before, am now after one dd and one on the way. i AM uncomfortable about the fact that i do believe life begins at conception, and after seeing that little heart beat at 8 weeks. but the implications of having a society which forbids abortion are worse. i do wish we had tougher restrictions but that's a different story.
[ Reply | Options ]Odd since I had me dd I have become more pro-life. There are tons of people out there wanting to adopt right now so why not have the babies and let them be adopted instead of killing them.
[ Reply | Options ]what about the huge problems that many of the babies have for their entire lives, because the women who carried them didn't want to be pregnant? babies addicted to drugs, babies crippled because of prenatal deficiencies, babies with fetal alcohol syndrome? these babies have a very hard time finding stable homes. even terribly committed and loving foster parents are often unable to handle caring for them for long periods of time.
[ Reply | Options ]have you actually researched the number of kids available for adoption that cannot be placed? it sounds like you are talking about healthy babies. many of the kids up for adoption are not healthy and have a terrible time being placed. women with unplanned pregnancies are much more likely to give birth to children with serious health problems.
[ Reply | Options ]according to the latest stats, 130,000 kids in the U.S. foster care system are waiting to be adopted. only 50,000 are adopted per year. most unwanted kids are not adopted. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/trends.htm
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I've always been pro-choice. It rules! Luv, Jenny ;-) p.s. Pro-lifer whack-jobs are nutty as a fruit-cake. They talk about saving babies but then shoot Doctors! ICK!
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Right, only women are supposed to involuntarily or unwillingly put their lives at risk (people still die of complications of childbirth and labor), vomit unremittingly for 3 months, get heartburn, get fat, be split in two during labor, yadda, yadda... If men got pregnant, Big Pharma would make a pill to stop this horrible disease! Oh right, THEY ALREADY HAVE ONE BUT THE FREAKING PRO-LIFERS MAKE ACCESSING IT A HUGE FREAKING PROBLEM!!!!!!!
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I was vehemently pro-choice, former member of NOW and even marched in Washington, but after having my children I became much more pro-life. I still think it's a woman's right to choose but I wish that abortion would be limited to the first trimester, except in very limited circumstances. A woman in my mommy group just had an abortion at 18 weeks because she couldn't make up her mind. Things like this need to be stopped. Flame away if you must, but most of us knew the sex of our babies by that time and here she is thinking should she or shouldn't she? Makes me very sad.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm vehemently pro-choice AND I'm sad, conflicted, and disgusted. When I would speak to teenage girls who were knocked up and were in total denial or just plane wishy-washy, I would want to shake them and want to scream out there are 62 forms of birth control you can get for FREE, YOU IDIOT. Ugh. They just don't understand that it's better to make the decision early. But most are ashamed and really think "it will just go away". Ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]where do you get bc for free? Not flaming at all--I really do wish people in this country were more frank with themselves and with their teen kids about bc, pregnancy, etc. We have an insane number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. I am another reluctant and conflicted pro-choicer--just wish pro-lifers were more pro-active about tackling the problem at the source, i.e. before it happens.
[ Reply | Options ]I New York City lots of places mostly ran by the government. The Ryan Center is a great place for sexually active teens to go for protection. But in a smaller town probably not many places. The biggest problem use to be, you got knocked up or you got some girl knocked up, but now with HIV and certain drug resistant STDs , I really want teens to make smarter choices but man is it an uphill battle.
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Me three... pro-choice, but much sadder about abortion now that I have children. I can't imagine going around 8 months pregnant, carrying a child I wouldn't or couldn't take care of, especially if it were not the child of a man who would make a good father. On the other hand, the sound of that tiny heartbeat is so beloved and precious. It just firms up my conviction that sex education, birth control, childcare education for young parents, and support for pregnant mothers and infants have to be ubiquitous and free. Also that there should be more access to affordable, quality early childcare so that there is no economic reason to terminate a pregnancy.
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More pro-choice now for a different reason. Ultrasound for my second showed a problem. By the time I went for the more detailed ultrasound it was so late I would have to travel to another city and go to a special doctor to abort if the ultrasound confirmed what we feared, that the baby wouldn't survive after delivery. Thank goodness everything was ok - but I was facing the possibility of the choice of carrying a baby I knew was going to die, when it was also a risky pregnancy for me so my first daughter could end up losing her mom, or ending up with a late term abortion, with all the stigma attached and the fear of attack by pro-lifers. It was horrible to contemplate. I am more strongly in the camp that people should leave moms alone to make their own decisions.
[ Reply | Options ]thank you for sharing your story. i don't think a lot of people consider cases like yours when they are making up their minds about where they stand in this debate. i am so happy that your child was OK!
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks! We are so happy she is ok, my concerns about our kids school choices, weaning, sleeping through the night, thumb-sucking, and whether or not I stay at home all are just not stress-causing. Our kids are alive, healthy, happy, and nice people. Every day since she turned about a year old and we were sure she was going to be as ok as any other kid I have been joyful.
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np: that's true... the two cases of abortion that I personally know of were both in women who had been struggling with infertility for years and were desperate for a child. In one, the embryo got stuck at the 6 or 8 week point of development but would not progress or die, so at 10 or 12 weeks she couldn't take it any more and had it terminated
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