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how many dc do you have? i have 1 dc and dh and i are very happy that way. however i feel like i'm depriving dc of a sibling. what are people's thoughts on only children?
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]We have 3 and I really think siblings are important for kids, both from a social perspective, and to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. Watching my kids play together/care for each other/take care of one another is one of my biggest joys in life. And as we age, having others to help worry about your parents is such a blessing. I don't know where I'd be personally without my siblings - who help me watch out for/visit/help our parents who have had illnesses as they've gotten older. Of course, I also know many only children who are great, well behaved, grounded kids. BUT they are always after their parents for siblings. I think this tells you something. And the ones who don't want siblings probably are too selfish to share their parents time/resources/attention.
[ Reply | Options ]I gotta tell you, I really find this argument faulty. I am an only child and I am perfectly aware that the world does not revolve around me. I find this argument against onlies really insulting.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. That is about parenting. Know plenty of people with sibs who think that the world revolves around them b/c their parents thought that.
[ Reply | Options ]agree. i am one of three and am pretty darn selfish actually, if i'm being honest. my dd is an only (our choice) and she is really one of the selfless kids i know -- and also the most accomodating of friends' younger sibs and her younger cousins. she's got great innate patience and is very kind. she's not a little one anymore either, so i doubt this will change about her. she's just hardwired this way. she's also perfectly happy being an only (she claims), though when she was about 4-6 years old, she did ask for a sib.
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I kind of agree with that. The singletons I know are much more on the bratty and spoiled side of things than the kids with siblings. There is nothing wrong with that per se but having siblings makes it easier to learn that you cannot have everything and anything anytime you want.
[ Reply | Options ]Everyone I know that has siblings is resentful of something that happens or the other sibiling. My best friend is jealous because she's not married and her sister has everything. My husband is the youngest of 5 and was basically neglected. My 2 cousins are over 40 (brother and sister) and still live at home with their parents! My mom is 1 of 3 and fights with her siblings constantly over my grandparents estate. My dad is 1 of 4 and hasnt spoken to his 3 sisters in 35 years. So spare me that singletons are bratty and spoiled. Only children have stronger survival skills than multiples because they have no one to blame and cannot rely on siblings to pave the way for them. They only have themselves to rely on and that is a skill that will carry a singleton on throughout life. That is why singletons are more successful.
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Or - just throwing it out there as a wild suggestion - you could act like a parent and teach your child that you cannot have everything you want when you want it. This goes for parents with one child or 20. Maybe it's easier teaching that with 20 kids, but since when is parenting about doing what's easiest?
[ Reply | Options ]I have absolutely no problem telling my only that he cannot have everything and anything anytime he wants it. In fact, I give in to him less often as I'm not handling other kids, and maybe easier to not take the path of least resistance. I'm not knocking sibs at all -- sometimes I wish my dc had them and so does he -- but enough of this superiority game. There are benefits on both sides.
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I'm 37 and LOVED being an only child. My friends have always been like family with my closest girlfriends feeling just like sisters. I enjoy an incredibly close relationship with both of my parents. Don't succumb to the stereoptypes of loneliness. Children are actively socializing at school and on weekends..none of my only children friends every felt resentful..moreso, lucky.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. I never felt lonely. I learned how to play by myself, quite easily and effortlessly. I never wanted a sibling growing up.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree. I'm 35 and I LOVED being an only child. I had tons of friends, never felt lonely. Although my parents did spoil me, it was due to good grades and behavior. I went to an ivy league college and masters and am very successful. My husband is the youngest of 5 and was basically neglected - so which is better quality or quantity?
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I think the reason to have more than one db is because YOU want them, not because it's "better" for the kids. A happy loving household is way, way more important than the number of sibs.
[ Reply | Options ]I have an only child and I don't feel like I am depriving my dc at all. First of all, my dc never asked for a sibling and as a mom, I can do so much more for my dc-- and not feel guilty about spending enough time with one or the other.
[ Reply | Options ]I am an only myself. I did not really miss siblings as a child, but I miss them very much now. It's incredibly lonely.
[ Reply | Options ]why isn't anyone addressing the child's temperament as a factor? for every kid who feels he's just "one of the crowd" in a large family, there's a kid who feels stifled by too much attention as an only child. there are really too many factors to say that one way is better than the other.
[ Reply | Options ]as a mom of an only thanks to all the happy onlies that replied. it wasn't my choice originally but i am looking at the bright side now!
[ Reply | Options ]This is another problem I have with the singleton bashers. I chose to have one child, but I realize others are not as fortunate as me to be able to make that choice. Implying that there is something wrong with singletons means that people who have no choice in the matter should feel badly about their one child.
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one or more dcs are perfectly fine, but having a sister i'm VERY close to (and my dh has a brother he's BFs with) giving our dd a sibling was very important to us. i guess it's not about trying to avoid a negative - supposedly "depriving" an only child - as it is trying to give them a playmate and lifelong friend.
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this is interesting -- our dd is 8 and we always thought we'd have more than 1. but after she was born, life changed so much for the better in so many ways -- she was a really easy baby, and has grown into a wonderful kid. we love dd so much we really never thought about loving another!
[ Reply | Options ]i'm expecting #2 now and dd is almost 2. i will say that it's getting SO much easier with dd now that if i had waited just 6 more months, there's probably no way i would've tried for another. going back to newborn/diapers now is both exciting, we're very happy but i'm exhausted just THINKING about that first year. help!
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Since studies show only children tend to be more intelligent, more successful and have better relationships with their parents, it seems like more of a trade off than deprivation. In our case we are able to travel with our dd, spend more one on one time with her and I am positive that our marriage is better because we only have one.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm an only child and even I think that's a load of crap. More intellligent? Please.
[ Reply | Options ]studies show that onlies exhibit the same traits as oldest sibs -- more likely to be type A personalities and very industrious and mature -- qualities that tend to lead to outperformance in school.
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We had our first in late thirties. Always wanted more but now we both think we are perfect the way we are. Would love for daughter to have a sibling, but also have had so many friends lately who have had kids with different disabilities at advanced maternal age that I can't argue with myself that it would be better for daughter to have sibling if there was a chance that that sibling would have challenges that would require more of our attention.
[ Reply | Options ]This is a really interesting post. I was an only child, and we have on ds who is almost 5. Due to complications after his birth, I needed a hysterectomy and can't carry another child. I am driving myself mad with desire for another child, mostly bc I adore my son and feel we have enough love for another, but also bc as an only you are forever carrying around this label as a self-centered neurotic and I didn't want my child to grow saddled with that. I am realizing he will be fine either way, it's really about my desire and experience as an only that is going to shape how much or how little I enjoy raising one.
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