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On the subject of lending nannies money...our nanny of three years, whom we adore, is struggling to send her daughter off to college this fall. I know her daughter worked very hard in high school and was accepted at a great LIC. Daughter got some fin aid, some merit, but still has lots to cover; nanny is helping her but i also know daughter is taking out lots of loans. We would like to help, but is there a non-awkward way to do so? We have the money, our two dcs are both young and in public, and nanny's daughter has worked her butt off all through high school to get where she is. Thoughts?
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i don't think this would have to be awkward. someone i know had a benefactor that put her through a private high school and college. it was an older nun (friend was from a big catholic family). i don't think it was ever awkward. whole family was just very grateful!
[ Reply | Options ]I'm just concerned Nanny will be a. shocked when she sees check and b. refuse to take it. DH and I are thinking $10K and I mean, I know that's a pretty big chunk of change and I would not be surprised if she refused to take it.
[ Reply | Options ]Give it directly to the DD. But make sure she understands its for college, not to go out & party.
[ Reply | Options ]We never really see her and she is definitely not the type of girl to go blowing that on partying.
[ Reply | Options ]NP- I would *not* under any circumstances give it to the daughter directly for several reasons. Mom will find out and might feel undermined, avoid placing daughter in a postion of being tempted to misuse it. I'd just *communicate* your feelings to your nanny as authentically as you are here. Please keep in mind the effect it will have on their FA in future years too. Nanny might be able to set up a 529 which will not ding them financially and can be used to pay school expenses. I don't recall what the gift tax amount is but make sure you stay clear of that. I suppose you could just give her a bonus is you pay her on the books but beware the implications if you don't. Good luck!
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absolutely shouldn't be awkward if she didn't ask and you just want to give a gift. i would give her a card (for her daughter) telling her that she worked so hard and there's so much to pay for in college, you'd like to contribute to her education and give her encouragement. i was one of the people anti-loan in that other thread but in this one, i'm all for it. you're very generous.
[ Reply | Options ]If you adore your nanny then why is it awkward? Do as we did and set up a college fund for Nanny's dc
[ Reply | Options ]I am now having a total duh moment. Why didn't we think of that? Can you give me a little more info on what you did, how you presented it to nanny, etc? Did you just open up a savings account at your own bank and give nanny/dc card, pin, etc?
[ Reply | Options ]We worked with Fidelity and opened a UGMA for our Nanny and her son. Her mariage was unstable at the time ans she wanted to make sure the money was not accessible to her dh. As far as presentation is concerned my mother had just passed away and we gave her the initial gift in my mother's name since they were close.
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From a Nanny and a mother of a dd in college: you are a good hearted human being, call the college and make arrangements to pay them directly. Your goodness will come back to you ten-fold.
[ Reply | Options ]OP--This is also a great idea and perhaps better than a UGMA because it is a tax-free solution. Thanks for suggesting this!
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Do not call the college and pay them directly. If daughter is receiving aid from the school, whatever you pony up will be factored against the aid she is receiving from them. It is best that this be a private exchange between you and recipient. Financial aid is for people who need the money, if she's got money coming her way and the school knows about it, her 'need' on paper will be diminished.
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This is great. I am so happy to see genuine kindness and generosity on this board! I'd left for a while and it's great to have this be the first post I see upon my return. Lovely gesture and it sounds like you have a great way to make it happen now. GL to all of you - lucky nanny and daughter too!
[ Reply | Options ]All I could think when I read this was "God Bless You". Seriously, as a nanny it is wonderful to see posts like this. It's not even about the money. The fact that you love and respect the woman enough, and see her as part of your family to want to help her in that way, gives me hope that there ARE great families to work for out there. It's a wonderful thing you're thinking of doing!
[ Reply | Options ]Friend of the family did the same for me 20 ago; wrote a check for more money than that directly to me ( for college) , handed me a passbook, and told me to put back whatever money I can; whenever I can, 8 years later I was able to pay all the money back (with some extra) , I called the family and told all the money was back, they turned around and gave it to someone else for school. The thing I admired most about it was that they never told a soul, and the responsibility to give back (without the pressure of bank loans or even the legal commitment) was good for me as well. A couple of years ago, their children were remarking about how cheap their parents were and I was able to tell the children this story and watch their jaws drop open - that felt good.
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I run a nanny placement service and I just wanted to say this is most likely the nicest thing I have EVER heard someone want to do. I suppose you could speak to her privately, tell her how much you care about her and how wonderful she has been to you over the years. Then you can mention that you would love to give her the gift of partial tuition and that perhaps she can stay a couple of late nights but, that it's really a 'bonus' for being a wonderful employee for several years.... I'd love to hear how this pans out! MSLK116@yahoo.com
[ Reply | Options ]Okay so to report back to everyone, DCs made a nice little card and DH and I wrote the following in it. "Dear ____, Congratulations on your graduation! We are so proud of you. It has been an honor to watch you grow up into a wonderful young woman and we are very excited to see you take on the world. Love, _____" and then we just folded the check and stuck it in. We gave the envelope to our nanny yesterday. Thank you all for your suggestions!
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