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How has having kids affected your self esteem? Do you feel more or less attractive, more or less successful in your work, more or less happy in your life?
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]My self esteem has grown steadily as I got have got older (I had little as a child). I feel the same attractiveness wise. I was lucky and lost weight while pg which has stayed off! I used to work and loved it I now don't work and love that even more. I am very happy with my life right now. I was happy before I had dcs though too.
[ Reply | Options ]having kids had a bad effect on my self confidence. miscarriage actually had a good effect on my self confidence, especially in a social context. i think age has had a worse effect on my attractiveness than dc did. my career, which i was never really into anyway has been derailed but has picked up on another track and we'll see where it goes. definitely more happy, both in terms of the fundamentals and in the day to day aspects.
[ Reply | Options ]In 1991 I was a model w/ Ford in New York. I spent the next 12 years flitting around the world as an "overpaid clothes hanger". Now, I'm a married mother of two w/ bad hair colour, saggy boobs, dimply thighs, wrinkles and my scale seems to be stuck at a number that I just can't compute. I was ecstatic to read this article as it completely validated my self-hatred and feelings of ugliness. I've recently spent a couple hundred dollars on "miracle creams" that claim to make me look 10 years younger in 5 minutes, but I think I look worse and like the author, I not-so-jokingly threaten my husband w/ my impending face-lift. I'm 36 years old....a little young for this kind of insanity, no?
[ Reply | Options ]i love that you just wrote all that...and no, it's not insanity! enjoy your kids and your life and let us know about those miracle creams. once i have my 2nd dc i've made a vow to get back to my college weight...we'll see how that goes. maybe the Wii Fit will help me.
[ Reply | Options ]np That Olay Regenerist stuff in the red jar works very well, fyi. I buy it outside the city at BJs. Two jars for 30 something $.
[ Reply | Options ]really? i've been wondering about those. i'm 37 and have had good luck w/my skin so far, but i do think i need to start putting something on my skin other than alpha hydroxy/spf 15.
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:D No, no, I am insane w/ the creams. I currently use Kinerase MIXED w/ Dr. Perricone on my face, some new eye-cream (forgot the name) MIXED w/ Strivectin on my eyes, and then I mix Peter Thomas Roth moisturizer w/ whatever samples I can get @ Sephora. I swear, I blame my parents for not getting me that chemistry set when I was 8. I keep telling myself that when my youngest starts pre-k in the fall I'm going back to the gym. In the meantime, I go to Starbucks every morning for my double tall skinny capu and apple fritter and then wonder why I can't get back to my old model weight (which, btw, is FORTY lbs less than what it is now. Le sigh). Oh hell, who am I kidding, I'd be happy to get back into a size 8 at this point.
[ Reply | Options ]if it makes you feel any better, i probably shouldn't have eaten all those handfuls of chocolate chips i keep around for "baking". i'm pregnant and that's no excuse, but there it is. i'm sure you still look fab and when you have more time to exercise and care for yourself - rather than take great care of your dcs - you'll drop all the weight you want.
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I look pretty damn good after 3 kids and no one ever guesses my real age correctly-- always 10 to 12 years lower. But I will admit that my career is in the toilet, it has affected my self esteem and I hope by some miracle I can still salvage it and move ahead in my chose profession. In general I'm happy with my life and happy to make a honest living even if it's not my dream job.
[ Reply | Options ]Was completely blown away by the article in Cookie "More Than Skin Deep" http://www.cookiemag.com/style/2009/07/postpregnancy-beauty. The author put into words everything I have been struggling with. I am the mother of 4, ranging in age from 4mo. to 9yrs. I have always prided myself in being able to "retain me", but with this last pregnancy and child, I feel I have lost everything that once was me. I perseverate on a daily basis the pregnancy weight I have not lost, the clumps of hair that wash down the drain with the shampoo, the dull, spot marked skin, the mood swings, the feeling of being a hamster on the wheel. I just want to get off. I want to scream at those people who say "but you JUST had a baby..". No I didn't. I had a baby four months ago. I want my life back, but the daunting aspect to that statement is, what "is" my life? I wish I could feel a sense of purpose, instead of the slave. I wish I could feel successful in this full time career, but I don't. You don't get quarterly accolades in motherhood. Then I wish I didn't feel so awful for wishing all these things. I know I am incredibly fortunate to have four healthy, beautiful children when friends all around me struggle with infertility. I wish I could get my head around that.
[ Reply | Options ]Wow, thank you for your honesty, every word you wrote I can relate. I have 2 kids, and am 34.I always took for granted the natural beauty I was fortunate enough to inherit. Now, I look in the mirror and do not even recognize the face staring back at me. I am proactive as well, eat heatlhy, exercise, good skin care, hell I am a yoga teacher for christ sakes. Yet, I will never go back to the ease of my beauty routine, now I feel I have to put soo much effort!! But, I am happy with the choices I have made, with age does come an amazing amount of wisdom I would not change for anything. But what happened to feeling comfortable in your skin in your 30s?
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Wow! I am surprised to see such a positive reaction to this article. While I see nothing wrong in recognizing a change in one's beauty after having children, I particularly found the conclusion of this article repulsive. (By the way, some women feel and are just as beautiful or even more beautiful after children). "You shouldn't be that person who says, 'I've given everything to my children,' because you may not get anything in return." Are you kidding? You ALWAYS get a huge return on giving to your children. I see absolutely no value in this statement and certainly nothing worthy of making it a mantra!!! I totally cannot relate. Yuck.
[ Reply | Options ]I responded to this question from a link on the Cookie Magazine website. I should have clarified that. I did not realize that not everyone responding to this question would have read the article. "More Than Skin Deep" http://www.cookiemag.com/style/2009/07/postpregnancy-beauty
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Honestly? I feel a lot less happy. I love DD. I am a confident mother who has a strong sense of how I would like motherhood and parenthood to unfold. But as a woman, it blows. I am no longer as attractive, I'm 10 lbs fatter than I was before birth, two years later, and since between work and taking care of my daughter, I have very little time for myself, the only comfort and joy I seem to find for myself is in food and drink. Not meaning that I overindulge in ice cream to make myself feel better, but I am a lot more inclined to cook nice food, have a glass of wine, enjoy my meal, which often leads to too many calories for the amount of exercise I don't have time or energy to do. I feel a lot of pressure at work because I can no longer have the emotional security of saying I can run away and teach in Africa is all fails, now I feel like the golden shackles have been tied on securely. Finally, since my friends all have children, we see each other less, everyone's equally busy, so my social life is severely stunted. It's been FUN!
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UrbanBaby Asks...
Are you expecting something special from your dh for Valentine's Day?
- Yes, and he's in big trouble if he forgets.
- Yes, but it's not something I care about.
- No, thank goodness.
- No, and I'm already fuming. He's so unromantic!
- Don't know...
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Posted September 13, 2007(191 replies)
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