06.26.09, 06:50 AM 13 replies
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My DH has a bad temper, and when we have our differences he gets so crazed about me not seeing things his way. Twice before, he called the cops and claimed I was mentally imbalanced and needed to be locked up. The cops sent me to the psych ER, the docs of course said there was nothing wrong with me and released me. After two of these episodes, I told him that if he ever did this again, I would press charges. He did it again this past weekend, injured my foot in the process of trying to keep me from leaving the apt, and when the cops arrived in response to his call, they asked me if I wanted to sed charges. I said yes, but now, the reality of having pressed charges has set in. The cops have a temporary protection order in place and he is not allowed in the home. I don't know what to tell the kids. He promises to get counseling and work to repair the marriage. I don't have a particular queustion but would appreciate words of wisdom from those who have been here.

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06.26.09, 06:50 AM Flag ]
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  • My DH has a bad temper, and when we have our differences he gets so crazed about me not seeing things his way. Twice before, he called the cops and claimed I was mentally imbalanced and needed to be locked up. The cops sent me to the psych ER, the docs of course said there was nothing wrong with me and released me. After two of these episodes, I told him that if he ever did this again, I would press charges. He did it again this past weekend, injured my foot in the process of trying to keep me from leaving the apt, and when the cops arrived in response to his call, they asked me if I wanted to sed charges. I said yes, but now, the reality of having pressed charges has set in. The cops have a temporary protection order in place and he is not allowed in the home. I don't know what to tell the kids. He promises to get counseling and work to repair the marriage. I don't have a particular queustion but would appreciate words of wisdom from those who have been here.

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    06.26.09, 06:50 AM Flag ]
    • to say DH has a bad temper is quite an understatement. Your DH is likely mentally unbalanced. THis is not about counselling or working on your marriage. THis is about you keeping him away from you and the children for as long as you are able. Keep those restraining orders in place. set up video cameras in your house. keep notes. have people over as often as you can. YOU get counseling for abuse. tell the kids daddy isn't feeling well.

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      06.26.09, 06:57 AM Flag
    • Not btdt but I am sorry you have ended up in such a bad situation. I can't give any advice as I can't imagine ever being treated by someone I cared about in such a disrespectful way. I wish you all the best and hope that you can get to a happier way of life. GL

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      06.26.09, 07:02 AM Flag
    • he follows the classic pattern of domestic abuse; esp. the promises, promises, things will change, i won't do it again, etc. etc. he needs the counseling but he must see a psychiatrist as well to be evaluated for illness; he does sound quite unbalanced. medication for impulse control management sounds advisable. you are 100% right in getting the restraining order. if he's ever in the house, carry your phone with you so you can call 911. and have an audio tape running as well. i'm sorry about the kids but they are safer as are you, with the restraining order and like the poster said, say he's sick right now. you may need to be thinking about a lawyer too. stay safe.

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      06.26.09, 07:17 AM Flag
    • not judging, but where are your kids when this kind of stuff happens? do you have family close by or friends who can help you right now?

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      06.26.09, 07:18 AM Flag
      • no -- I do not have family in the area and I don't want to involve friends since most friends are mutually friends of both me and DH; i do hold out hope that things can migrate to a healthier state and I don't want to have all of this dirty laundry aired with friends, since it will make everything harder to move forward.

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        06.26.09, 11:52 AM Flag
      • the kids WERE asleep when this started, although the noise did wake them up and they saw some horrible stuff.

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        06.26.09, 11:53 AM Flag
    • honey, that's not a bad temper.

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      06.26.09, 07:28 AM Flag
      • true. question to OP: who do you react during these argument?

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        06.26.09, 07:55 AM Flag
        • I meant 'how' do you react when you argue with dh?

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          06.26.09, 07:57 AM Flag
          • I do get angry, I do raise my voice, and that usually leads me to want both physical and emotional distance. When I try to create physical and/or emotional distance, such as by going out for a walk, things escalate very abruptly.

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            06.26.09, 11:54 AM Flag
    • OMG, do you have dc? that's crazy if you do. dh and I had a fight (about wedding planning - that sounds familiar!) and he said "you are making me violent". Since he was oushing me to a corner earlier, as soon as I heard that I called the police. I tell you, everything after that during that night was not pretty. We have neighbors looking over from the rooftop watching me talking to the police and filling out form. I just cannot imagine going through this right now with my ds. Your dh needs help with anger management.

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      06.26.09, 07:52 AM Flag
    • Make him go through all counseling followed by cooling off period of several weeks or month before you will consider taking him back. Get counseling yourself so you understand both his and your behavior. His behavior is NOT in any way acceptable. I would not give him another chance. He sounds like a ticking time bomb, and you and DC need safety as well as respect. Kudos to the police.

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      06.26.09, 08:38 AM Flag
      • NP: The OP ended up in the psych ward TWICE before the police figured out her DH was the issue and not her. I'm not sure they earned any kudos here.

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        06.26.09, 08:41 AM Flag
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