UrbanBaby Asks...
Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
- Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really dull and aggravating
- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Feeling sick of NYC, but DH would never, ever consider the burbs. Talk me down, people.
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np: Born and raised in Manhattan. Moved to Montclair about 5 yrs ago. It's a good compromise.
[ Reply | More ]Heard Montclair is one the better burbs. Still, a friend is still moving back and hates it.
[ Reply | More ]Well, it depends on what you're looking for in a burb. Montclair is unique and many people would say it's a terrible burb. Look, the burbs are not the city, they'll never be that. You and your DH should sit down and truly analyze what it is you want for your family. There are pros and cons for each.
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If you can afford to stay in NYC why move out? We need to move out to LI because I don't want to deal with overcrowded public schools, competitive private schools, expensive apartment. You sounds like you need to find another friendlier mellower city to go. Moving to the burbs around NYC won't make you happier.
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Winners include Montclair, Princeton, Manhasset, "somewhere" in Westchester, Sydney or Melbourne Australia, San Francisco (OMG we thought NYC was expensive), and Austin (fantastic town, pity it's in TX).
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We moved to the burbs and it is right for our family, and when reading the insane stuff people in the city have to do for school, it's hard for me to come up with reasons not to move. But the one very clear reason to stay, that I would never argue with, is being able to see your kids more. If moving significantly reduces the amount of time your kids see you or your dh, then it's not worth it.
[ Reply | More ]there are towns in Westchester or LI that requires about 20-30 minutes commute. We are in North Shore LI and I actually love my commute. Agree with you I can actually sleep and not worrying about school. However, I have to admit I miss our old hood in Brooklyn Heights. You just socialize more with your neighbors. I would've met a lot more new moms and playdates if we were still there.
[ Reply | More ]Montclair Mom here. I lived in Brooklyn Heights too and living in Montclair is similar as far as meeting people, we have a few 'town' areas where people walk around, hang out etc...
[ Reply | More ]I know a lot of Park Slope parents move there. How are schools out there? We are in Manhasset. I don't mind it but I don't love it. Miss BH so much!
[ Reply | More ]Manhasset could not be more different than Montclair. Yes, the schools in Manhasset score very high (higher than Montclair) but there is no comparison as far as the kinds of people who live there. Lets just say that Montclair is referred to as 'the Upper West Side of NJ'.
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I guess it really depends on what is important to you and your family. Montclair is a VERY diverse town we have all income levels, races, same-sex couples, interracial couples, everyone feels comfortable with that here. We also have lots of cultural events, restaurants, local shops. In short, we are a VERY liberal town.
[ Reply | More ]Hijack: Just found out that LI is one of the most racially segregated places in the country!
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Rule number 1 about moving to the suburbs is that people will always tell you the commute time is less than it is.
[ Reply | More ]True, there is absolutely no commute from LI that is 20-30 minutes door-to-door. Maybe 20-30 minutes on the LIRR, but must tack on drive time to the station, parking, walking, subway to office (if not near Penn station). It is soul-deadening, honestly.
[ Reply | More ]20-30 minutes on the LIRR limits you to the very Western Edge of Nassau Cty. I grew up in Baldwin and it's a minimum of 40 minutes on at express that stops only in RVC, Jamaica and Penn. Then you have to add 15 minutes to get from home to the train station and however long it will take you to get from Penn to your office. For my Dad, it was 75 minutes each way, on a good day. He left home at 6:30am and got home at 9pm - we never, ever had dinner with him. We live on the UWS, DH works in midtown and has a 25 minute commute - door to door, 3 stops on the subway.
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in a perfect world, without school admissions and living space constraints, I would stay in the city until my kids were in 1st Grade, then I would move. I am now loving that my kids can just run around the neighborhood after school until dinner, but really, that's hard to do until they're 6 or 7.
[ Reply | More ]I understand. After almost 20 years in NYC, I want out. No desire to raise my children here. We've been looking into the burbs for a couple of years, though, and have just come to the conclusion that we cannot be happy in the burbs (at least around NYC) either. So we are looking to relocate completely to a city that is not as big but where we can still live in an urban area.
[ Reply | More ]ok -- Ill give it a shot. Number 1 reason not to move is CAR CULTURE. Yuck. Kids in the burbs do stuff like their homework in the back seat while you are sitting there chauffeuring them around to all the activities in strip malls. ALSO, very little 'pick it up as you are walking by' -- that is: you wanna check out some paint samples, say? No 'Ill just stop into Janovic for a sec.' cos it's right here. Everything is DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE.
[ Reply | More ]and I happen to think that kids in the burbs are more bored and watch more tv. Sure, you get a yard. Then after 10 minutes with sib on a moderately sunny day in the yard, they are bored. There are a lot of empty yards in the burbs. I have friends who have a yard and tend to get in the car and drive 15 minutes to the 'playground' in hopes of running into some other kids. Not like here -- where the park always has at least something going on.
[ Reply | More ]I am in the burbs and my kids are rarely in the car more than 10 minutes a day. It depends on where you are in the burbs. We walk to school, the store. We use the backyard a lot. The only activities we do are baseball, soccer and basketball and they aren't in strip malls. I do take my younger one to a gym class once a week which is next to a grocery store. So I do my grocery shopping then...so it really isn't a lot of driving
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Living in the burbs is so lonely, you can't casually strike up a conversation with your doorman or run into a friend on the street. Uut here there is too much time for sah moms to feel lost or unwanted, or worse, lose their ability to see their self-worth beyond their identities as wife and mom, don't get me wrong, these are huge parts of me but I am my own person and you cannot cultivate a meaningful life out here unless you volunteer at school or some other local club. Time moves slooowly out here so get used to playing a lot of golf or tennis. People ALWAYS fudge the commute time, add extra 30 min. and can I tell you how many times the freaking NJtransit has been delayed??? Kids do not see their father M-F, we had to get skype! Stay in the city, it's better for the environment, you'll see your kids more, and you'll be able to have a life that is yours!
[ Reply | More ]OP: Whew, that car culture reminder may have been what I needed. Still pining for a yard, but maybe I just need a vacation.
[ Reply | More ]you may also want to consider a weekend getaway place. we have a cabin in a lake community 2 hours out of the city. very affordable to buy right now. there is plenty for the kids to do and they can exp a yard, bikes and all that. you get to relax on the deck with a drink.
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OP: yes, which community? Would love to know, as a drink on the deck with DH, and DC playing in the yard, is my mental "happy place" right now.
[ Reply | More ]smallwood, ny, see www.pinetreeproperties-ny.com for more info.
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Hii OP! Im the car culture poster from yesterday and I'm glad it helped! I have the same pangs as you do, mostly about having a house and stepping out into the yard etc. But I am also totally into the idea that we need to live responsibly and that I really don't need to use up all those extra resources -- cars, more stuff stuff stuff -- to live. I know this sounds a little preachy, but embrace NYC! It's a fantastic place to live, and it's actually a priviledge to grow up here, I think. There is so much for our kids to learn and observe that will make them productive, brave citizens of the world.
[ Reply | More ]Op: Thank you very much, UnCarCulture. I'm pretty aware of the urban efficiencies, and I appreciate your post and don't find it preachy at all. I really do embrace NYC most of the time. I know DC is certainly benefiting from it, and so is DH (musician). So am I, honestly, but sometimes I just don't want to be subjected to everyone's sound-leaky iPod earbuds on the subway, rude behavior on the sidewalk or in line somewhere, nowhere just to be away from jerks except inside our just-a-bit-too-small Jr4. I'm already feeling a bit better, this thread really did help. Talk down accomplished!
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