UrbanBaby - why am i so bothered by this? am in the...

new post » see more posts »

why am i so bothered by this? am in the process of distancing myself with a friend, and am taking it to the extreme of avoiding all contact with her. she didn't do anything wrong, really. she is just...annoying, asking many questions about what i am doing every day, who i am doing it with, and truthfully, i can't even remember what i did yesterday. she asks, "are you happy, is dh happy" in a way that doesn't feel like just making conversation or caring about me. it feels like she's trying to suck the life out of me or something. my point is i'm having an extreme reaction and i feel bad for her because, aside from being annoying, she has done nothing to me. i tried to tell her once that being peppered with questions about how i spend my time bothered me and she said she would stop but just changed the questions. in any case, why am i so bothered by this? it seems like maybe it would just be easier to go back to being friends.
7 replies
- General Topics
[ Reply | Watch | Options ]
06.06.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag ]
- many of us are programmed to feel guilt, but you're doing the right thing. Be tactful but honest. Say you don't have time to talk but hope she's doing great. Some poeple are just toxic. If you feel like she's sucking the life out of you, she is. She'll find other friends.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  06.06.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Does she have any other friends? I had a friend like that and she was very clingy. Very very curious to a point that I felt she was living through me. Single, never saw other people, never had other normal relationships and just saw me and asked me a bunch of questions and wanted to spend a whole lot of time with me. I did cut her off by moving away, but if I had stayed closer, I would have continued to be flippant in my remarks, or ignore with 'oh enough about me. Tell me about the XYZ thing that you attended last month". As it is, I got nothing out of the friendship as it was one sided in that she was getting something other than companionship from me, and I'm not sure what it was.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  06.06.09, 11:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - she has lots of friends, or at least seems to talk to/spend time with many people. my single friends aren't curious at all-- they know that as a mom my life is way more boring than theirs!
    [ Reply | Options ]
    06.06.09, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- You are right to distance yourself. Sounds like she is obsessed with your life...doesn't sound/feel right. Not easy to do but you have to do it. Maybe it will force her to get some help and deal with some personal issues that she must be having.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  06.06.09, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- At least she's not "family" like your SIL or MIL! I wish I could distance myself from them. "Are you happy? Is dh happy?" with the furrowed brow, slightly open mouth, head tilted--I can see it now...and if you say yes, they ask that same question another time. LOL.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  06.06.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- i'm way too much of a private person to have someone prodding me like that. i have lots of friends but they're all pretty tactful and we only get into really personal questions after we've known each other a long time. maybe you can answer once or twice "i'm a bit uncomfortable answering that, i hope that's ok"? or something to that effect?
  [ Reply | Options ]
  06.06.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - i guess you nailed it-- i really am a private person and i've always known that. i guess i gave it a try when i told her that i didn't like being peppered with questions about where i've been etc. and after that i gave up. thanks to everyone for answering and being supportive. for some reason i thought i'd be headed toward flames.
    [ Reply | Options ]
    06.06.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]