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Dating Advice needed! About two weeks ago I had my first "date" with a guy i've been friends with for two years. he found out i was single and asked me to dinner at his apt- he cooked, and we had an amazing time. he wrote the next day to say he wanted to see me the following weekend but then didn't contact me again till saturday when he called me and asked if I was free that night. i met him after dinner (i had plans with friends) and we had another amazing night. just kissing. i left apt at 5 am and we chatted about getting together the following weekend but now it's tuesday and no word from him. i dont' want to hold my weekend open but i have a feeling he's going to do the same thing- call friday or sat to make plans- and So I'm debating whether i should a) wait around till he calls and keep myself fairly free so I can see him (bec I want to see him)- but I don't want to be free yet again when he calls or b) send him another email this time being more direct- i was thinking something humorous but yet straightforward: If you would like to get together this weekend, let me know asap as my dance card is filling fast" or is that too forward/desperate? maybe give him one more night and then send the email tomorrow?
81 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]ITA!! If he doesn't ask by Wed. then he is SOL. And whatever you do, DON'T email him and say you are waiting for him to ask you out. Make plans and forget about him. If he likes you, he'll get the picture.
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call him to see if he wants to do anything at all b/c you are thinking about visiting your friend out of town
[ Reply | Options ]My really great husband of 17 years was like that, don't let that put you off to a good guy.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: you mean it was hard for him to make plans? yes, he is a great guy and he has told me that he always leaves everything till the last minute. i know he is very into me- know this from mutual friends. so that's why i thought asking him in a friendly funny way whether he wanted to get together would be a good little nudge.
[ Reply | Options ]so the guy isn't very organized. Figure out a way to let him know you need more warning. It's not a reason to cause problems, but you can't just be available for his vague plans.
[ Reply | Options ]exactly. that's exactly what i'm trying to figure out- the last thing i want is to wait until the weekend and get another call- i know i will get that call- i know from his friends that he wants to date me- that's why i was thinking something humorous but yet straightforward: If you would like to get together this weekend, let me know asap as my dance card is filling fast"- is that ok?
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My response, "Oh, I wish you had called earlier. I've already made plans". If he gets the message he gets it, if he doesn't, no great loss. You do want to be a priority with the man you fall in love with, right?
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Don't do this because he will think you are playing him. Call him now to see if you would like to see you because you would like to have a plan in place for the weekend as it appears that you are free.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: what is this that would make him think I'm playing him? I completely agree with those of you who say I should just contact him- in fact it would be weird if i didn't and then went ahead and made other plans- it's just the right tone/note to strike that i'm searching for . . .
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Why can't you call and say, "hey -- I was thinking about seeing The Taking of Pelham 123 this weekend -- you wanna join me?" Honestly, I can't believe you have to wait for the guy to call you. Especially if you've been friends a while.
[ Reply | Options ]See above - you wait b/c you want to be his priority. If you don't start out that way, you'll never end up that way.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't think this way, you WILL be his priority because he loves you not because you played games with him.
[ Reply | Options ]np: If he is not a planner she is not going to change him. This is a grown man with children not a college student. Either she can handle him as he is, or she needs to look for someone else.
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This is simple: Do you want to be his last minute thing or do you want to be a priority in his week? You decide.
[ Reply | Options ]Personally, I would be insulted with a Saturday call for a Saturday date. I would make other plans and stick to them. You won't die if you miss a date with this guy one weekend.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't mean to sound like a prude but you were there until 5 am and you are claiming that all you guys did was kiss?
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My dh is also very very bad about making plans. Even now with kids, he seems to think that we can still be spontaneous. It's a very normal guy thing, and since it's obviously not a booty call, may just be his way of doing things. I'd say go ahead and make plans if something you want to do comes up, and then if he does call, just ask if he wants to join you.
[ Reply | Options ]If you have an invitation to do something else that you would ordinarily accept, I would do so. If he calls you and you've made other plans you can always make plans with him for another day. Or maybe you can invite him along. Of course if you really want to see him who says you can't suggest getting together rather than putting the onus on him to do so. If you email him I would suggest a specific plan, like a movie or an exhibit you want to see, rather than asking him to ask you out.
[ Reply | Options ]look, if you don't want to "play games" and say you're busy when he calls at the last minute, actually BE busy. by wednesday or thursday make your plans for friday and saturday night and stick to them. that means YOU time as well, so if you're home and you want time alone he'll have to wait.
[ Reply | Options ]i think it sends the wrong message to make your weekend plans revolve around him, and especially to let him know that you are doing that. go ahead and plan whatever you were going to plan and when/if he calls, you can say you're so sorry, you already made plans, how about something for the following week/weekend? that way, he'll get the message about planning early, and you can lock in a plan about when to get together. but don't turn your life upside down for him, which is a turnoff in its own way. gl!
[ Reply | Options ]Call or email him. Say - "I had fun last weekend, wanna meet up Saturday? Lemme know." You really don't need to worry about the exact wording - keep it light and breezy. When I was dating my DH I was the one who instigated the first few dates, he was totally into me but was soooo shy and had no idea howo plan things. Now he's always suggesting we go out after 6 years of marriage and with a baby on the way! Don't worry - just go ahead and contact him if you think he's worth it.
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