How do you politely and kindly tell a single child-free friend that when you pay for a baby-sitter and take the rare night off, your first choice is not to go to her apartment for dinner? Does this just seem rude? And on the weekend, we really would rather hang with the kids after a work week and not go out at all, unless the kids are included -- or go to a movie, which is rare for us. I understand how she feels but I am also sick of feeling pressured to do this every time we speak about making a plan. We have invited her over, but this means our kids are around until we put them to bed, which is not what she is always looking for, and also I think she just loves having people over and cooking for them. I just want to get out when we get out, though I know she is being nice. (Plus she lives far for us, adding cab fare and an extra hour of sitter to our night out; petty since she is cooking, but we bring wine etc.)

• New York City