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  • How normal is it to have an 8 month old, and not want to have sex at all, ever, with DH? We did try a bit after a few months, but I'm just so tired, and not feeling sexy, that the whole thing feels absurd. Last time was January. Once. Of course, the situation is a bit complicated: we're in a 1 bedroom, as DH got laid off and we can't afford to move. So the baby is in our room....

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    05.22.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag ]

    • Not sure how normal, but was also my experience. Also sex was painful for me - ob/gyn said it was bc of bfeeding (did it for a year). Then got pregnant 2 months after ending b'feeding and was uncomfortable so also didn't want sex. Had baby 3 months ago and now also not interested. My poor husband! I'm afraid it'll be painful again - and we're even more tired than w/ 1 dd.... ugh

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      05.22.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • Yes, painful here too. Certainly kills the moment!! Talked to my obgyn about it, and she just said 'use lots of lube.'

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        05.22.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • What ever the reasons are its not because the baby is in your room

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      05.22.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I felt the same way for the first year. I forced myself once in awhile, but only did it for dh. Think it has to be screwed up hormones

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      05.22.09, 02:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Totally understandable. DB co-slept with us until he was 9 mo. We hardly ever had sex during that time. Plus, I just wasn't into it. Took almost a year before I felt like having sex again.

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      05.22.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • are you me? We have a 9 mo, have had sex once since she was born. I'm hoping it will improve when we move to a 2 br in 2 months

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      05.22.09, 03:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • OP here. Thank you all for your posts! I was beginning to think I was the only one who had lost her mojo. Any tips on finding it again from you moms who are back in the saddle (ouch!)

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      05.22.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • This was us too. Db wasn't in our room, but between exhaustion, unsexy feeling from hormones, and pain, we did not have sex the first 8 months and then did it once for the entire year. We've since made up for that, so it's definitely normal and is not forever.

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      05.22.09, 08:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • oh thank god! i thought i was the only crazy woman who never had sex with her husband. DS is almost 13 months, and we've had sex maybe 6 times since he was born. its been getting better the last 3 months - about 1x/month lately. we still co-sleep (we love it!) but have sex in the guest bedroom (2bed apt). my other gf's hint that they have sex like all the time and talk about how important it is that we dont let a baby get in the way of our sex-life...i see their point, but i also think its impossible to not let a baby get in the way.

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      05.22.09, 08:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • Your gfs are not having sex all the time. They are insecure and it feels better to put you on the defensive then be honest with themselves. My OB said women are not having anywhere near the amount of sex they claim to on the playground!

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        05.22.09, 09:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • thanks so much for letting me know. why do some women do this? does it really make themselves feel better?

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          05.22.09, 09:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • I think because they don't have the reassurance from their spouse that all is okay. We followed a very similar pattern as you and we talked about it! We acknowledged that we were tired, feeling unattractive, etc.

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            05.22.09, 09:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Hey, are you me? By 6 months my husband was looking elsewhere for sex, and by 9 months we were getting a divorce. So either take one for the team and save your marriage, or buy a lifetime supply of condoms so you don't pick up any diseases from the women your husband is screwing.

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      05.22.09, 11:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • crudely put, but I think that you have a point. If my dh didn't want to have sex for over a year, I think that it might cause me to look elsewhere. Sex is important to me (although we're doing it less with a baby around), so I understand it being important to guys.

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        05.23.09, 04:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • In my experience, the pain won't go away if you don't have sex. I finally bit the bullet after 4 months of avoiding sex and had sex 2-3 times a week even though it hurt at the beginning. By 3 weeks of that, the pain is gone, though I still have to use lube. I highly recommend a lube that is heating, it makes it feel so much better.

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      05.23.09, 04:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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