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Moms who have one dc (and not planning to have another). how do you feel having about this decision? Do you find that most families you know have several kids-does that upset you at all? Really want 2 but my age and stres level make it iffy. TIA
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]op: I haven't made my peace one way or another yet. My dd is an angel and my dh will go whichever way I want on this. Just always assumed I'd have 2. 39 and not ready right now though. Feel like clock is ticking if I want #2 but have some health issues to deal with first. Do you ever feel like the odd man out w/one-seems everywhere I look families have at least 2. Wonder if dd would be sad w/out a sib.
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Nope. DH and I came to this decision together. He is an only and I am not very close with my brother. It doesn't upset me at all.
[ Reply | Options ]op: I am not very close with my brother either just want to give my little dd all the best in life!
[ Reply | Options ]I think the first thing you should do is throw away the assumption that by being an only, your DD does not have the best in life. DH is very happy being an only (and is one of the least spoiled people I know), and my brother and I are so different. I love him dearly but we never really hung out with the same crowds or played together.
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I was too old to have a 2nd. I work so our small family works really well for us. I feel like she gets a lot of our time. There is 1 other "only" in her entire preschool class. I would have loved to have a sib but if it is not possible do not beat yourself up over it. Most only adults that I have spoken to loved their childhood and have very close realtionships with their parents.
[ Reply | Options ]op: thanks the part about "onlys" being happy and close to their parents makes me feel better if I decide on having just my dd. She is such a wonderful baby and feel so blessed w/her. i'm 39 now so I feel I do still have a small window of opportunity but feel so much pressure to get going on #2-all self imposed, DH would be ok with 1.
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i worry sometimes about the usual stuff--that dc will be lonely or have to shoulder the burden of taking care of us in our old age. but i know several wonderful, happy onlies, and dc is a very well-adjusted dc, so i try not to let it bother me.
[ Reply | Options ]You should definitely not let it bother you. And having more than one child is no guarantee that one of the children won't be burdened with the majority of care for the parents, because of geographical proximity, personality, etc. My sister is estranged from our parents; so, I will be caring for our parents alone.
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A good book to read on this is "Maybe One" by Bill McKibben. He has one daughter and goes into the whole fallacy that kids need siblings to be happy. Also discusses the environmental reasons behind having only one--I see those more as a backup for nosy people who ask why. I'm pregnant w/ my first (and likely only) at 36.
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