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please help me deal...so sick of DH whining...he is at a small law firm for the last 5 years, loves law, hates the people there, works 70-80 hrs a week. he is depressed and emotionally absent from me & dcs. he is not motivated to network or send resumes ("has no time") I would do anything so he would be happy, move out of state, go back to work FT...how can I help him to sh&t or get off the pot?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]^^^ I said it seems like he's in the middle of a lake drowning. He kept spinning around, looking at the different shore lines, but still flailing. I told him, pick the shore you want to get to (not just swim away from shores he doesn't like) but pick the one he really wants to get to, and I'll pick him up in a boat.
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Being an associate is brutal. You have no autonomy and you might not be acknowledged for good work, only corrected or humiliated for mistakes. Have you told him that you understand how tough things are for him. Try (even though he whines) to let him describe his experience to you. Show you understand. Maybe if he feels understood you can tell him what your experience is (absent dad, lonely, etc). Maybe he will be motivated to make changes. Don't be too critical--he probably gets that all 70 hours a week! GL
[ Reply | Options ]OP: You hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what he described to me and there is slim to no chance of him becoming a partner here.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel for you. It is very hard being married to someone who is working all the time and who feels abused and underappreciated. Don't let his bad work sitn. drive you farther apart. It ain't easy, but try to talk to him and make nice and break the negativity. If he feels closer to you and understood he may let you make suggestions about different jobs, etc. My husband hated a certain situation years back and it was hell. He eventually moved and is happier. If your husband has good skills he will be marketable. I am no 50's housewife, but cook him his favorite meal (surprise), give him a glass of wine, and make him feel good. When he is less stressed, maybe you can talk. I hope this is helpful!
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Is this the only place he's ever practiced? Law is such a brutal industry. I was at a firm for 7+ years, and hated it, but was always reluctant to make a change because everywhere else seemed just as bad or worse. I ultimately went in-house and honestly think I was just lucky ending up with a group at is lower-key and good to work with. If quality of life is your main concern, it's really, really hard to assess that in an interview.
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NP: About a week ago, a poster flipped out on her DH and called him a loser b/c he was playing Wii on the weekend when she thought he should be "networking". You sound much too reasonable to be her, but it's worth finding the post for entertainment value and an illustration of how not to handle this situation.
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UrbanBaby Asks...
Are you expecting something special from your dh for Valentine's Day?
- Yes, and he's in big trouble if he forgets.
- Yes, but it's not something I care about.
- No, thank goodness.
- No, and I'm already fuming. He's so unromantic!
- Don't know...
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UB Like it's 1776!
Posted September 13, 2007(191 replies)
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