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Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
- Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really dull and aggravating
- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Do you get annoyed at parents who came from foreign countries (i.e. India, China, Russia), especially in private school circles? Do you find them pushy and out of touch?
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If they weren't pushy, they wouldn't be able to get their kids into the schools they wanted, because contrary to the beliefs on the board re diversity, being a foreigner and understanding the system is a real hardship. Second, they are out of touch with your culture, mannerisms, life, because it is not also theirs.
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Both. I am one of them. We understand that we come from different backround and somewhat probe our way around. We try not to offend anyone. After all our culture is quite different. We do want the best for our children. Just like your parents/grandparents. Is it pushy or competetive that scares you the most though?
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OK, trying hard not to be nasty here, but maybe we have to push hard to have our DCs be able to overcome comments like these.
[ Reply | More ]I need more specifics on what you mean by pushy. We all push hard to give our kids the best. I don't apologize for it. As long as I'm being respectful and appropriate and invading someone's "personal space", I will continue to advocate on my child's behalf. I'm not an immigrant. I think any parent can be pushy. It's not the domain of parents not born in the U.S.
[ Reply | More ]I mostly get annoyed because they act like, because they are foreigners, they DESERVE special privileges. Many times they aren't nice to the non-foreigners.
[ Reply | More ]I have never seen evidence of Chinese, Indian, and Russian immigrants claiming to deserve special privileges. If anything, they forego the "helping hand" programs like ESL/non-english based classes and try to get their dc's to assimilate (academically, not necessarily culturally) as fast as possible. I agree sometimes they can be standoffish, but that is largely due to cultural and language differences, especially feeling uncomfortable that they don't speak fluent English. It changes after a few years of living in the country.
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Do you feel threatened or you just feel that they are lowering your standrad of class? How funny that you didn't mention the snobby French or the stuffy German or the dumb blonde from Sweden. They don't seem to bother you at all. Are you a racist or what?
[ Reply | More ]OP; Ok, fine. I am from one the listed countries. I heard many times that people and admissions in privates think that people from these countries are pushing their dcs too hard academically. I was explicitly advised not to focus on academics for this reason during admission process. I was trying to see if it is true. It seems that what is true that we are way too sensitive and most people don't pay much attention.BTW, I did admit immediately that I am a troll. You didn't notice?
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That's strange that a private school would tell people from India, Asia, or Russia NOT to focus on academics. I'd like to know what school would do this? I'm all for not pushing a kid so hard that they would hurl themselves off the top of NYU. But if you are coming in with "strikes" against you, as that parent, you have to push that kid to work harder and do better and be the best. It's not fair. But hey, life ain't fair.
[ Reply | More ]No, the idea is not that they explicitly ask NOT to. The idea is that these people bring in unhealthy competitiveness (and sometimes lack of style/manner).
[ Reply | More ]Well, I guess the school has to define what is unhealthy. Then the parent has to define what is unhealthy. I say if the kid is handling the competition well, then defer to the parents. If not, then the school can offer up some coping techniques to the child and parent if they are willing to listen. I'm not sure what you mean of lack of style or manner. This is school. Not a beauty pageant. If I'm working an 18 hour day, I'm probably not going to be in the mood for making small talk.
[ Reply | More ]np As an immigrant from one of those countries I get what she's saying. There's a difference in societal interactions and priorities. For example, saying no to requests for weekend playdates because we'd rather spend time together as a family. Not being able to speak fluidly about Europe or the Caribbean islands or Aspen because we are inherently more frugal and spend our vacations at home or visiting other relatives in less glamorous parts of the country. i.e. we have less "culture" as defined in American terms.
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then why do you have to talk about it in the third person? don't you think you would get more honest responses if you talk about your own experience? are you afraid of being flamed?
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Immigrant pushy parents = annoying,; white parents who obsessed endless on UB about preschool admissions = wonderful parents invested in their DC's futures.
[ Reply | More ]Indian and Chinese crowd that one sees in private school circles in NYC is very different from the stereotype "pushy" crowd. Most of that crowd (of 1st gen immigrants) is in NJ. The ones here are generally doing very well professionally, most parents did grad school (not fresh off the boat)in the US and many like us send DCs to privates for a well-rounded quality education. We are aware of the cultural differences and things of that nature, we have studied and worked here for a while before having kids. Not sure what OP is trying to comment on.
[ Reply | More ]Fresh off the boat or not, they do not need to pander to OPs expectations of what Indian/Chinese/Russian immigrants should behave like. I'm assuming she is of European descent, or she mentioned as much. If they are pushy, its because they want more for their kids than what most fresh-of-the-boat people get. Usually they are highly educated or have some other virtue that outweighs the social niceties that OP brings to the table. Doesn't make one better or worse, difference of priorities and cultures.
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