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What is the most difficult issue you are dealing with in your life right now?
113 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Worrying that my high-paying job is taking a toll on my mental and physical health and disqualifying me from ever receiving financial aid for dc's for private school or college, and yet still not enough to be able to comfortably pay for those things without scrimping on family vacations and other treats.
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be thankful then. you have a highpaying job (why you would worry about financial aid in that case is beyond me)and you still take family vacations and "treats".
[ Reply | Options ]I'm saying I will no longer be able to afford these treats. What good is a high-paying salary if it's causing me stress and I don't even get to keep most of the money?
[ Reply | Options ]high paying jobs with high level of pressure and stress incurs higher level of expenses in your personal life (eating out constantly cuz too exhausted to cook, need to purchase expensive clothing for work, lack of time to shop around for best deal on anything, etc...) in the end, it all seems to zero out doesn't it?
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Oh yes, you are correct. You should be entitled to purchase the best schools for your dc to attend. You are also entitled to have the most fabulous family vacations you desire. You are also entitled to have every treat you want, and make sure your dc has everything his or her heart desires, because you work hard. Well, it's all your fault because your job doesn't pay enough. Get a higher paying job.
[ Reply | Options ]uh, my job DOES pay enough. that's my point. however in just a few months (days) i won't be receiving the benefits. you will though, so congrats.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, I won't, since we're at the highest tax bracket. NO, your job doesn't pay enough, just like you complain that people working 16/hours day at minimum wage should get a higher paying job. It's all your fault, and given that you got a tax break for the last 8 years so we could get into this mess should have meant you saved more, but you spent it on stupid luxuries. We didn't, so we are happy to pay the added taxes.
[ Reply | Options ]WTF are you talking about? You are happy to pay the added taxes in the midst of the oncoming depression. Real Estate is falling, investments are down 50%, automakers are going down... and it is just the beginning. Seriously, you are not paying additional taxes. You are looking a redistribution of wealth to line your pockets.
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loss of my job, inability to find a new one, running out of money to pay the bills
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My husband's unemployment. I don't think he is ever going to be able to get another job again. Seriously.
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Bingo. He was an equities trader. Never made crazy amounts of money. A liveable wage for NYC. His skill set is so small. Very hard to go into an entry level position when we have 2 small kids. The answer has been for me to go back to work and him be a stay at home dad. I was hoping it was temporary but now I am not so sure. He is going back to school at night fwiw.
[ Reply | Options ]Good. I am a trader myself, and no offense to your husband, but I also see a certain lack of skillset among some desks (I'm guessing he was a cash/"flow" trader). What classes is he taking? Hopefully he can get back to work, perhaps as a financial advisor or consultant or accountant.
[ Reply | Options ]So he IS being picky. Has he even entertained the notion of re-inventing himself as a welder or electrician? Maybe a plumber? Bricklayer? I'm guessing not. These white collar pansies who are afraid to do anything that gets their hands dirty disgust me.
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Trying to figure out why I'm addicted to a this site when there are so many mean people on it.
[ Reply | Options ]My hard-headed 19 year old son. He's making bad choices and I can't do anything about it. I guess I can be there to pick up the pieces.
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My weight and PCOS. I had stomach stapled, lost 115 lbs (was over 310lbs before that- do not flame!!) had 2 dcs, now 40lbs heavier than I should be. I have PCOS ( polycystic ovarian syndrome) and cannot lose weight. Exercise, working with nutritonist. Nothing is working. No more reg periods, feeling like I am losing everything I gained. Wanna crawl in a hole somewhere. Petrified I will gain ALL the weight back and not be able to take care of my family.
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Are you working with a RE or other specialists? Have your tried metformin or any other medication? (I had success with Metformin, but am lucky my symptoms pretty much disappeared after I had DB#1. My sister also has PCOS and is seeing a specialist in Chicago who has her taking some kind of anti-androgen drug (not met) and she's doing very well with that.)
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np: My 18 mo old may have a serious disease, my 4 yr old was just diagnosed with asthma, and I may have a blood clot in my lung. ALL THIS HAPPENED THIS WEEK :(
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Have you been in touch with Compassionate Friends? I know many people find comfort there. [It wasn't at all helpful for my goddaughter's mom, but another friend said they saved her life.]
[ Reply | Options ]no, but it was suggested by a friend of mine. An acquitance asked me about a month ago if I was OK and I said "I will never be the same"
[ Reply | Options ]No, you certainly won't. I've been walking my best friend through this for almost three years now. [She lost her only daughter, age 18, after a 20 month battle with cancer.] Just yesterday, she said there is a wall that exists between people who have lost children, and the rest of the world. She described it as a curtain of water that you could see through, but not quite, and the sound of the water would drown out everything at times.
[ Reply | Options ]She added that what was more amazing -- to her, anyway -- is that no one on my side of the curtain (which is to say, those of us who haven't lost children) even knows the curtain exists. Yet anytime she talks to any of the other moms from the cancer ward, they instantly know what she's talking about.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel like it defines me - people avoid/pity me because I am the woman that lost a dc.
[ Reply | Options ]I always worry about that actually. This happened to a very good friend of mine and I am very concerned that she is experiencing this and I am far away. This also happened to parents of a very good friend of mine who died in her 20's. Even my parents who were there friends made an effort in the beginning to always include them but just fell off from the friendship. My mother feels guilty and yet...
[ Reply | Options ]Or people are afraid to be around you because you are the embodiment of their worst fear, and proof that we really have so little control over things that can happen. My friend's therapist told her, "Death rewrites your address book." There is a massive shift that occurs because people no longer know how to talk to you. For the first six months, I was the only one who continued to make jokes around her. The jokes sometimes made her cry because she would become acutely aware that no one treated her as a person anymore. I desperately hope that you have a friend who provides whatever comfort you're able to receive.
[ Reply | Options ]You sound like a very good person and it sounds like you really took the time to understand what your friend was going through and be a true friend through her trials and a continued friend. What a good person you are.
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you. Sincerely. But... No, I'm not a good person. In fact, many people would tell you that I'm tactless and an asshole. It just so happens that I was -- am -- what she needed. She's standing in a minefield, and everyone is standing at the edge of the field wondering what approach to take, terrified of stepping on a mine. I couldn't stand the idea of losing my best friend, so I had no choice but to walk through, get blown up a few times, and just keep walking. In some ways, everything I've done I've done out of self-preservation. I can't lose my friend. And I refuse to accept that she's lost to me.
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Did you post this because you want to talk about it? If so, I'm here, happy to listen in silence or respond as needed.
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This is such a sad thread and yet it's so honest and brings a lot of things into perspective. I just want to give you all big hugs.
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