new post »
see more posts »
since being dinged and wl'ed everywhere i find that i'm really angry with dc. i'm a terrible mother.
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]rather than being angry with dc, be angry at yourself. most likely it was you who was dinged and not the kid.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
That is absolutely true. Sometimes the dc can be off the charts wacko, but usually it's the parents.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
op here, you're probably right. they must have seen something that i'm not aware of.
[ Reply | Options ]I just read over the two things I posted and I want to apologize. I shouldn't have said what I said. There are a lot of ways people respond to trauma, and I shouldn't judge how you're feeling. It troubles me that you are blaming your DC's personality for the result, rather than the schools. Still, it's easy to sit here on my sofa and say what I think is wrong with you. I don't even know you! This process seems to tear people down, and maybe you're just feeling desperate and vulnerable. Sorry that I piled on and probably made you feel worse.
[ Reply | Options ]no need to apologize, because i need to hear the truth somewhere. don't know if psd is telling me the truth, the doas definitely aren't, and i'm too miserable to talk to anyone else about it. i love dc, but i'm having a hard time being around him right now. which makes me feel worse because you're right -- it was probably me and/or dh.
[ Reply | Options ]In all honesty, it might have been dc. These kids have bad days or just don't understand what is expected of them and don't "perform" at the playdates as expected. The schools have too many apps so are looking for a reason to ding. It doesn't mean your dc is a bad kid or not talented but I understand why you'd be upset with him or her. Try to be upset at the process instead. They're just a child and have no clue what this is really all about.
[ Reply | Options ]
^^^ I say this not to be harsh. I think it's unfortunate that you would take your frustration with this process, which is indeed stressful and unfair, and turn it into bitterness and hostility toward your child. This process sucks. Being WListed and rejected sucks. You have to be stronger as a person, and stronger as a family, than it sounds like you're being.
[ Reply | Options ]
-
Not to get all therapeutic on you, but I think it is good you have admitted to yourself that you feel this anger toward your dc. That doesn't mean you're terrible, it just means you're human. Now work on understanding that the anger is unwarranted and unhelpful and that your dc did nothing "wrong." Channel it into useful behavior; figure out the best course now for your dc and work at making it as successful as possible, and appreciate the fact that you (presumably) have a happy and healthy dc.
[ Reply | Options ]FWIW it probably wasn't anything so terrible. The schools have so many people they have to accept and the number of slots for unconnected, non diverse kids is slim. Our school is made of mostly sibs, legs and connected families, some diversity and a small amount of superstars. when you realize how skewed the number of openings there are it is eye opening.
[ Reply | Options ]totally normal. and the fact that you're honest about it, and having mother guilt, also normal and a positive sign, unless it lasts too long. this process is so punishing. the problem with these selective privates is that they are not really looking for a wide range of personalities and a wide range of learners. i'm guessing there is nothing "wrong" with your child's personality, and nothing wrong with you. occasionally a school will take a child with a low erb or an odd personality, but they think it's risky because the schools, ultimately, are judged by how many go to HYP, and it's easier to get a kid there if he scores off the charts and he/she is eager to please and easy to teach. if you have a challenging child, find a way to embrace that.
[ Reply | Options ]-
-
read Malcolm gladwell piece onU Penn vs Penn state...kids who got into both were followed.. GUESS WHAT.. the careers and success of the kids were the SAME... it is really about taking what you have and makeing a life out of it...dont let the school determine your/your childs life... i suspect einstein, gallileo didnt go to tt school...
[ Reply | Options ]Have to tell you in the kindest way possible: challenges are an opportunity for personal growth. Be a strong person. Don't judge yourself, tomorrow is a new day, call the parents league, look at your public options, be nice to your sweet DC. Count your blessings, it's just elementary school, not brain cancer.
[ Reply | Options ]
UrbanBaby Asks...
Are you or your partner ever naked in front of your children?
Already voted? View Results
Flashback
The Kid's Menu
Video: Cooking With Grandma Gigi
Granddaughter Olivia helps make plantation casserole...
Also:Lunchbox Recipes
School Lunch Obsessive (video)
Make your Own Baby Food
Baby Food Taste-Off
Is it wrong to ask minors to mix martinis?
Can you tell a pregnant boozer to stop?
