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My dd is in 1st grade. She's a little upset every day about two boys in her class. They say negative things about her printing and drawing, they push her and try to hit her on the playground. She is very sensitive and takes it all seriously. Is this common? They don't seem to be bothering any other girls constantly like this.
44 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]My dd has the same problem with a few of the girls in her ss. There are mean kids everywhere, unfortunately. You'll just have to tell her to ignore and to tell you about what happens so that you can decide whether anything needs to be done.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm going to tell her to ignore it, I told her things to say but she doesn't want to say anything to the boys. So you think it's just a mean kid thing and not too uncommon?
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It's unacceptable. You should talk to the teacher. If it doesn't work, you should talk to the principal. I don't care whether it's public or private, but this kind of behavior should not be tolerated. Children should learn it's not OK to bully anyone. Don't give up. Entire school and parents should work together to teach children to be considerate and to create safe and joyful environment for all children.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, children SHOULD learn that and all of them SHOULD be nice little people--but they're not. There are mean people in the world, and I'm sure they started out as mean kids. When parents go running to teacher and admin, they've got to be VERY careful not to create a situation where their dc is picked on even more than they were.
[ Reply | Options ]If these mean people were raised better, they wouldn't be mean by now. Who knows? At least we can try doing better for the future. We should stop trying to make the world a better place because there are still mean people. If you think about what people did in the past, don't you realize that we eliminated lots of atrocious things people did in the past as normal? I don't believe children are born mean. They are learning how to behavior from their environment. We can't controll their family environment, but at least at school, message should be loud and clear that it's NOT ACCEPTABLE to bully anyone. Entire school should send out the message as to what's accepted and what's absolutely not tolerated.
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I'm going to talk to the teacher again. I think she accepts it though and can't see all the kids and what they do. We should all be working toward making schools joyful environments I agree with you!
[ Reply | Options ]It's not just about your dc and those bullies. It's about your school community. You should all work together to build a nice environment where all children feel safe and respected. That's what they should learn at school. They are in a community and each one of them is responsible for creating a nice community to enjoy together.
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AGREE wholeheartedly! not acceptable. make your voice heard, OP. talk to teacher. also, poster below--these are 1st graders and it is easier for adults to intervene and redirect. and FYI, I was picked on mercilessly in 6th grade by three mean girls who singled me out. I was petrified when my mother said she was going in to school to stop it. I begged her not to. She talked to teacher and principal, and the girls were told that their parents would be notified. behavior was instantly stopped. weirdly, I even became very close friends with one of the girls a few years later.
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Happened to my son and I insisted I have a meeting with the principal and the bullying children's parents. When I was met with the "talk to the hand", I told the principal I was going the precint and file a complaint against the two boys and make it public knowledge at the school(which you can do and they will take your complaint). Suddenly everyone wanted to meet and settle this amicably. I'm old school and so my first instint was to tell my son to beat the sh!t out of them (this is what I did and was never bothered again, tee hee) but I believe in teaching non-violent ways to deal with bullying because I've personally seen how easily hitting can escalate to say shooting.
[ Reply | Options ]Me again. I also, don't think "ignoring the bully" is always a good strategy. Depending on the bully and how many, this actually worsens things for the child under attack. Sure you can ignore name calling and insults, but that in turn, pushes the bully to hitting and it's really hard to ignore hitting. I've also taught my boys, who are now 18 and 19, self defense strategies at a young age. (Not me personally. I took them to a class. I may be ivy-league educated, but I'm mad gangsta if you put your hands on me or my children, tee. hee.)
[ Reply | Options ]She's good at pulling away from physical stuff and running for help. But she crumbles inside when they say mean things to her.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm 36 years old and still remember every ugly word, bullies called me in elementary school. It really crushes your soul. But I didn't have a mom counter-acting those attacks with positive words, but you seem like a mom who let's her child she's one terrific person, and it may not seem like it now but it will go a long way to drowning out the bullies.
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This happened to me at school when I was 8 and I have to say, what was most traumatic was feeling like my parents and the school couldn't (or wouldn't in the case of the school) do anything. I think it's really important for your dd to see that you take it seriously and are her advocate, whatever happens with the school or kids. "Just ignore it" really did not help me.
[ Reply | Options ]I second that. Be your child's advocate. Even if it means you show up everyday at school to voice your concerns and monitor you child during play-time. My mother was never my advocate, so I had to look out for myself from the word go. I had no siblings and that is a very lonely place to be when on a violent playground (P.S. 166 from back in the day). If worse comes to worse, take her out of that school and get loud and down right ugly at the DOE until they place her somewhere safer.
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Doesn't she have a group of girlfriends to hang with so these two boys can't gang up on her? Or is she a complete nerd? It's definitely harder for nerdy or shy kids to be accepted.
[ Reply | Options ]She may indeed have a group she hangs with, but they too could be afraid of these two menances to society, and probably back away when she's being bothered out of fear. It's very rare to have a friend at age 6 or even 36 who has your back and will stand right with you during an altercation.
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UrbanBaby Asks...
When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:
- Use a carseat
- Buckle him/her in his/her own seat
- Hold him/her on my lap
- I'd never ride in a taxi with my DC, it's much too dangerous!
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