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  • Please tell me if I am justified in thinking dh is a bastard. He has had multiple affairs (reason enough). But he just said that the reason he had them was because we weren't having sex enough. Second affair started when I was hospitalized with a placental abruption and almost lost our db! He also asked me to give him a date for when I would have sex with him again, because he can't wait that long for me to get over the affairs. Right now I hate him.

    21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    08.27.08, 04:07 PM [ Flag ]

    • he is just cruel, which is why you should leave him.

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      08.27.08, 04:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Any college freshman knows affairs are not about sex. They are about ego, selfishness and immaturity. Has he even considered therapy?

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      08.27.08, 04:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • We went to therapy for nearly one year. He lies and smiles and plays perfect dh.

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        08.27.08, 04:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • But surely he acknowledges the affairs?

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          08.27.08, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • Yes, at least two affairs. One long-term, one short-term and two emotional affairs that he was hoping would become more.

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            08.27.08, 04:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • So how did this not get addressed in therapy?

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              08.27.08, 04:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • Oh, it was all about how I needed to put more energy into him and less on the children. How I gained weight and that caused me to want to have sex less. It was all about how I caused it to happen.

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                08.27.08, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                • It also rarely came up that he has a drinking problem. Therapist blamed it all on dh's ADHD.

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                  08.27.08, 04:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                  • was he like this before you married him?

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                    08.27.08, 04:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                    • No. Happened about 6 years in.

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                      08.27.08, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                      • was it because he started drinking more?

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                        08.27.08, 04:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • Maybe. Not sure. He's been hiding his drinking for so long. It's actually gotten worse since I discovered the affairs.

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                          08.27.08, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • It sounds so awful, I'm so sorry. You should join a support group and think about leaving. These things rarely get better unless something drastic happens. Was he always this spoiled, even before the drinking? What changed?

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                          08.27.08, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • I don't know. I supported him while he changed careers. We bought a house. I think he just decided that he didn't want to grow up.

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                          08.27.08, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • thank you might want to think about leaving. he needs a wake-up call and needs to earn his way back into your trust. and you deserve a man who loves and respects you. gl!

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                          08.27.08, 04:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • Thank you. Trying to figure out the leaving thing as I am a SAHM.

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                          08.27.08, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • do you have family you can turn to? how many dcs?

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                          08.27.08, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • 2 dcs and no family that can help.

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                          08.27.08, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • np have you thought about calling a battered women's shelter? This is not physical abuse, but it is emotional abuse. They may have some resources that could help you. GL

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                          08.27.08, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                  • np then you had a crappy therapist. DH needs to either take responsibility for his actions, or you need to leave him. Period.

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                    08.27.08, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • who the heck was this therapist? go get yourself your own therapist - a good one - who can help you gain the strength to hopefully leave him

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      08.27.08, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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