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DH is after me to earn more money. I make a small amount($15k.) a year working p/t and have a 6 and 2 yo. Is he being reasonable? He earns 100k. and we own a home and we live very very simply so no debt other than student loan/mortgage.
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I'm not sure what this means? I'm talking about me, not whether Dh works p/t or full-time. Further, I don't think i can earn enough to cover DS babysitters with much left over. I am not a professional.
[ Reply | Options ]At least attempt to work more hours - I don't think your DH is being unreasonable.
[ Reply | Options ]If the math doesn't work then what is the issue? Does he want you to work on weekends when he is around? Otherwise, when can you put in more hours?
[ Reply | Options ]He wants my parents to watch the kids (they are nearby) while I get another job...it would probably be retail. It just doesn't make much sense to me.
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We live very simply. No new clothes, vacations, etc. DH would like more "stuff" but I don't particularly want to go back to work so he can buy another motorcycle or a bigger house.
[ Reply | Options ]^^ I guess I am surprised that DH is expecting me to make more money instead of thinking about what he can do to earn more himself - he is a lawyer.
[ Reply | Options ]Maybe just doesn't want to be the sole breadwinner anymore? It can be a very stressful role, especially in this market.
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np: How long do you think it would take for you to start earning more money? How many years would you have to invest in career development before you started making some good money?
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you for the thought provoking answer...I have a college degree but until DCs were born I owned a store so my skills are outdated/fairly useless. DH says no money for me to go back to school. So it is unclear what I could even start that would develop into a career.
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Retail can become a decently paid career if you want it to be. With a college degree and experienece (which you have) you SHOULD be able to get a position as an assistant manager. Look at medium-high end stores. If you are good at it, you should be able to progress to a store manager position within a couple of years. There IS career progression in retail - it's not just hourly wage jobs w no benefits.
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How much of the noncompensated work regarding the kids and house and family in general do you do compared to him? Does he realize what the percentage is? Is he willing/able to pick up more? Is it possible that there is a financial glitch that you are unaware of? Is his job not as secure as he would like? I have a friend whose dh was on her to get a ft job but after living it, decided that it wasn't so hot after all. (she had been SAHM since first dc). How much is "enough" is a really personal issue.
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, I agree. DH mows the lawn 2x a month = that is his sole non-financial contribution and that is fine with me because he works hard and supports us financially. There may be financial concerns I am not aware of but I think it is largely due to DH wanting a better standard of living. I think I am unwilling to go back to work f/t to have more stuff but he doesn't agree.
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Plenty of parents work full time while raising their dc. If you and DH need more money, this may be your only option.
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Or saving for a rainy day, saving for retirement, preparing to help elderly parents, etc. We then to think of spending as "immediate needs" like food and rent, and luxuries like vacations. We often ignore the possibility of a large medical bill in our future or of being forced out of the workplace before we are financially ready to retire.
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I have medical insurance. I also paid $14K last year in non-reimbursed medical expenses for emergency surgery. I can appeal to the state (which can take a year or more)...but if I didn't have the cash on hand I would have had to finance the payment. That gets very expensive, very fast. Better to be prepared.
[ Reply | Options ]That is patently false. There is no kind of emergency surgery that isn't covered by insurance unless you opt not to go within your network. Did you need an emergency boob job?
[ Reply | Options ]Opt to go out of network? Are you insane? You think you get a choice in an emergency? Besides, in my case the costs that were not reimbursed were my co-insurance (many plans no longer do copays), the anesthesia (not an in-network anesthesiologist, no opportunity to protest), and the ambulance.
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I had a seizure and was taken to the ER. It turns out I had a brain tumor that was removed the following day.
[ Reply | Options ]You do not need to pay for out of network specialist for an emergency - you may need to pay up front before being reimbursed. While you may have a significant co-pay (of up to $5k.) you will reimbursed for most of what you are claiming. Plus your Flexible Spending account will at least provide you with tax relief for your co-pay.
[ Reply | Options ]How do you know the details of my HMO so well? I've had two attorneys and the benefits director of my employer working on this...but I'm sure you know better. What makes your think my Out Of Pocket is maxed out at $5K? My plan maxes out at $25K per person. My only option right now is an appeal to the State Insurance Commission. I had already exhausted by Flex Spending for the year when this happened.
[ Reply | Options ]Why would you involve attorneys in this matter? I am sorry but it sounds like there is some odd decisions being made here. Including bothering to pay a substantial monthly co-pay for what you purport to be a max benefit cap of $25k. Even the most minimal HMO offers a catastrophic plan that goes to $250k.
[ Reply | Options ]I hired attorneys because my HMO originally refused to pay for any of the surgery or ongoing treatment. They helped to get me this far. Remember, I was VERY VERY sick and could not do this myself. I don't have a max benefit of $250K. My maximum out of pocket is $25K. In other words, when treatment is covered, my co-insurance may be as high as $25K per family member, per year.
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Doesn't sound like they NEED more money. Sounds like DH WANTS more money to spend on stuff
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Raise your children - tell your husband that is your job. You husband is buying into the bullshit idea that everyone has to make money for the family. Ir is better for you to be available to your children, so you really must sweetly refuse and say that his children need you. He will get over it. Read him Dr. Laura's book "The Care and Feeding of Marriage" if you need help getting him there.
[ Reply | Options ]vomiting in mouth thinking of Dr. Laura...you know she's no doctor right? Not a doctor, not a psychologist, not a counselor, not a spiritual counselor, in now way qualified or licensed to provide counseling...
[ Reply | Options ]Rather a self-serving POV, no? Maybe DH just doesn't want to be the ONLY person making money for the family? Or actually wants some time away from the office to be "available to his children" also? And Dr. Laura was a WOHM, so take everything she says on this point with a BIG grain of salt.
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I don’t mean to brag, but my Dh is wonderful in that respect. If I could I would loan him to you to talk to your dh. I used to work ft until dc#1 was 1 yo. I worked in banking, got paid well, but after all the expenses there wasn’t that much left. We both worked very long hours, so we both decided that I should either go pt or stay home. I leave in NJ and the only pt work I could find close to home would be either admin or retail, and having a college degree I didn’t want to do that and I totally understand why you don’t want to do it. To make the long story short, I went back to school to get my Masters in education. That might be a good alternative for you. I know you said that dh doesn’t want to spend money on school, but as my dh says, it is an investment into OUR future. As a teacher I will have my kids hours and very good benefits that will come handy when we are retired. Besides, you don’t have to get Masters right away, you can start by getting teaching certificate which is short and cheap (and there are ways of getting it financed) and start working. Again, as my dh says he doesn’t have to think about anything at home because I take care of it and that is priceless for him (actually I think SAHM’s labor is valued at about 130K per year)
[ Reply | Options ]This is a good point. If he says there is no money for your education, it sounds like he is thinking short term. if you get a masters in education, when your youngest is in school you can get a f/t job teaching and work the hours your kids are in school and, in the long run, earn a lot more money than you would working retail.
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you need to sit down with him and talk about what the money would be going to. If he wants more money to buy stuff that you feel you don't need, then he can get a better paying job. If he wants you to earn money to put in savings in case he loses his job or for retirement, then he has a point.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. Be careful following the advice in this thread as if being the sole earner is a real issue for dh then it's an issue for your marriage that should be address through real communication...with one another. Don't know if it's as easy as dh wants to be more toys or if he has real concerns given today's economy or maybe he is not comfortable with his assigned solo financial role. Either way, an earnest conversation is warranted.
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UrbanBaby Asks...
When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:
- Use a carseat
- Buckle him/her in his/her own seat
- Hold him/her on my lap
- I'd never ride in a taxi with my DC, it's much too dangerous!
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