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  • Is anyone having marital problems directly tied to financial difficulties? This is so scary. I'd never thought we'd be here.

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    07.28.08, 12:32 PM [ Flag ]
    • What are the problems?

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      07.28.08, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • we had that. i honestly never realized how stressful money problems are until i went through them.

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      07.28.08, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • op-- you always hear that money is a big factor in divorce. I don't think we are near that yet but I just feel a lot of anger and resentment because of very poor choices my dh has made and now we are in a bind. I don't feel attracted to him which is a first. Did it get better?

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        07.28.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • yes. i know i am wrong but here it is: i resent my dh for not making enough money so that i can just work part time instead of full time. really have to stop myself from feeling angry and thinking of him as a loser. i know i am wrong and am working on it. :-(

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      07.28.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • np: i can understand that. the only thing stopping me from feeling like that is that dh is more upset about it than i am. i am starting to wish he'd just get a grip and be happy with what he has.

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        07.28.08, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • see, that is what makes me feel even guiltier. my dh is just as unhappy about things as i am. however, unlike me, he is grown up enough to just do what he has to do and work to make things better while trying to keep a smile on his face.

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          07.28.08, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I feel the same way. Primary wage earner mom. I am so resentful. One DC has SN and I want to be home. Just not an option. Has had real impact on us. We live a very low key life, just having an SN kid really adds to finacial needs. I feel so trapped and resentful

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        07.28.08, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • op--I'm glad you said it because a part of me feels the same. We've always done well and I guess I feel resentful that now we are in such trouble. I'm also very scared. I know we have options, more than most but it's so scary right now.

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        07.28.08, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • hang in there. right now i am working full time at ajob i do not love while my kids are home doing not much for the summer (they are 15 and 12). i just keep going forward b/c we need the money and we are paying down debt and it won't be this way forever. same for you too :-) gl

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          07.28.08, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • that sucks. i love dh and he is my favorite person in the world but i would not have married him if i weren't reasonably certain that he'd make enough money so that i would not have to work. a lot of people would say that sounds "wrong" but i just think it's part of the whole deal of trying to find someone you can live with.

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        07.28.08, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • good for you. ick.

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          07.28.08, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • np - aren't you a little self-satisfied. i do not think she is admitting anything horrible. if it was agreed that you'd raise your kids and he'd support that financially and then all of a sudden you are leaving them alone b/c he can't keep up his end of the deal, then you'd be pissed, too. of course, that doesn't apply to everyone, but don't be so superior

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            07.28.08, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • not being superior at all. if you read that into my post that's a reflection of you, not of me.

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              07.28.08, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • What if it turns out that your judgement was wrong and he can't no longer provide enough money for you to continue to live that? Would you leave him?

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          07.28.08, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • yes, my DH didn't have a jo for ten months. He has a job now, but I'm not sure what will happen to us. I am thinking about all options.

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      07.28.08, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • OMG, yes. It is so, so, so hard.

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      07.28.08, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Yes. I am breadwinner, and luckily earn a very good living, but I am resentful. DH has had to declare personal bankruptcy and I had to cover his biz debts. It was awful. I guess if we got thru that we'll get thru anything, and at least he has a job after a year of unemployment, but I still resent it. We have a beautiful apt. and beach house and DC goes to private school, but I pay 90% of it and worry constantly that my biz will turn to s#@t.

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      07.28.08, 01:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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