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Suggest some private school admission season etiquette for the total newbie - to avoid faux pas and hurt feelings.
66 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Don't brag, don't assume everyone wants to hear about the admissions process, and don't insult other people's choices/options/philosophies
[ Reply | Options ]This is good, especially last part - most people have very strong convictions (or lack them completely, making them overly sensitive and seemingly most strongly opinionated) about how/why their children should be educated a certain way. Don't let other people get to you and do what you think best for your family.
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Never offer your dc's erb score (or SB). Never ask another dc's erb score. Don't ask where they're applying to. Don't offer where your dc is applying to.
[ Reply | Options ]why on earth wouldn't you ask where people are applying? everyone applies to the same schools anyway. hardly telling or competive. people have lost their minds. now you can't even discuss the schools.
[ Reply | Options ]Well, you would think that but it's actually annoying to be asked where we're applying to - could be indicative of how dc did on ERB (if full of TTs or only 4th tiers). For whatever reason, people find it a sensitive topic.
[ Reply | Options ]but the truth is, most people apply broadly. I would not read anything into it. but it is true that people are extremely sensitive...often for very little reason. it has gotten very weird.
[ Reply | Options ]But if half the schools or more are TTs, you know it's telling. Also, if you are applying to all the same schools, for the same gender dc's, it could create a competitive feeling. In my experience, I was more relaxed around parents of dc's of opposite gender.
[ Reply | Options ]maybe in the past, but most people do apply broadly. if I say to someone we are only applying to coeds, I am not disparaging their choice to apply to ss. we can always talk about the coeds if they are applying to those as well. seriously, people are way too on edge. no one is trying to harm them. its a difficult process, with many unknowns. people like to discuss this to alleviate anxiety or commiserate. to behave so artificially is weird to me.
[ Reply | Options ]np We didn't apply broadly. And people asked where we were applying. No one knew my kid's erbs (which were 99x3) and they all said dc would "get in everywhere" because, even at 4, he was exceptionally bright. Getting in "everywhere" was an exaggeration, but dc did well. I think--unless a kid is connected--it's pretty clear who's going to end up at tt.
[ Reply | Options ]it always amazes me how people take their example of one and generalize. I know several kids who were not outstanding in any way, who got top spots. I know others who were outstanding but did so so. there are many factors, and the fact that you did well in the process probably was the result of some of these factors. It really isn't rocket science, but blanket statements like yours, generalizing from your personal experience are useless.
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well, if you read the recent posts on this board, never mention the school you get into, especially if TT or anderson. You will be thought of as a terrible, competetive woman whose entire identity is invested in her dc's school. the school will be bashed, and you will be discussed on UB for the transgression.
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Sometimes you don't know that until you apply. We applied to a school that I thought based on reputation & because many of the parents "seemed" to have similar values to us. I could not run away fast enough from that school, but didn't figure that out until after play date/tour/etc.
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Oh please. I saw several people taking notes and I didn't think they were nutjobs. I got too lazy to do the same but after all the tours, I couldn't remember who said what and what each school was like (including the names of people you have to send TY notes). So, I think they were pretty smart to write it all down.
[ Reply | Options ]Some people are not in it to make themselves look cool or graceful. Some people are notetakers and schools don't think you're nutjob.
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A few schools will encourage you to take notes and offer paper. If they do this, then it's fine. Otherwise, it really does make you look like a PITA. As soon as you get home from the tour, write down everything you can think of. You'll still remember the key things and it's incredibly valuable to have these notes to refer to for interviews, thank you notes at the end of the process, etc.
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get a babysitter for your kids during tours, etc. where kids aren't welcome. if a playdate, only take the dc who is applying to the school.
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Really? We applied to 13 schools & toured more and never saw this. I cannot believe someone would have the nerve to do that - I guess I can believe it because I think you are telling the truth, but, wow.
[ Reply | Options ]the only school where I saw this was at the School at Columbia. There were numerous professor types who looked like they just rolled out of bed, grabbed their toddler and baby and came on over. I was surprised by how ungroomed many were, and how they seemed to have no regard for others by bringing their screaming sib babies along. knew it wasn't for us.
[ Reply | Options ]OMG, this makes me feel good about having gone public, where it doesn't matter how well groomed we are or if we bring screaming sibs on tours. I have an only, and he was never a screamer, but I'd totally understand if a mom brought a younger sib on a tour. It's a school tour, not a job interview. If DC gets accepted, you pay THEM 30K/yr, more than most New Yorkers earn in a year.
[ Reply | Options ]^^ I should clarify that any school (public or private) that offers tours and specifically states that children are not welcome is a different story. But unless a school specifically says "please, no children on tours," they should be prepared to welcome children, or at least not make them feel unwelcome. These are SCHOOLS after all, they exist to serve children.
[ Reply | Options ]well, gee. guess you did not learn that adult school tours exist to educate the adults about the school. I found it very distracting and disruptive to have a couple of sleepy eyed, screaming kids in footy PJs there. I think the parents showed no respect for the other people on the tour, or for the school personnel trying to run the event. the schools may exist to serve kids, but in order to do that well, they must inform their parents. guess you would have fit well there.
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This is nuts. We are in public and siblings are not allowed on tours. Tours go through classrooms while school is in session and who wants the constant disruption for the kids who are trying to learn. Open house at night is one thing, but kids or siblings don't belong on tours, in public or private.
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I don't care about grooming aspect. Who cares? But what's relevant here is that the tours require you to walk up and down the stairs and in and out of classrooms. If you have a db in a Bugaboo, there is no way you can move with the group. Tour groups don't take the elevator and when you go into classrooms, you have to be quiet not to disturb the kids.
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Write a thank you note. I believe the general rule of thumb is after you have completed the process (tour, interview, playdate), but I think you can also do it after the interview. Doesn't matter if it's typed or handwritten.
[ Reply | Options ]np After interview--even if playdate is later (you mention that you're looking forward to bringing kid to the school). We did our thank yous ASAP after the interview--a few that day, some a week. As soon as we could get to them. Once you've had that one on one (or two, I guess) contact, it's best to get that note in while you're still a fresh memory.
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Tour guide mom here: turn off your phone, don't check your blackberry 19,000 times during a tour (if it's that important, go to work), don't insult or argue with the tour guide (you can't imagine), don't compare the school you are on to other schools you've seen during the tour (for better or for worse), please don't bring your baby (even in a bjorn), be polite and pleasant, and please pay attention. Thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]Why can't I bring my baby in a Bjorn? He'll be sleeping anyway. What is it? It doesn't *look* good?
[ Reply | Options ]np LOL. I had an infant when #1 went through process. NEVER dawned on me to bring her on tours or to interviews. PSD didn't mention a thing; it's COMMON SENSE not to bring a baby. You're there to focus on the school (as are other parents--not to mention current students!) and bringing a child is just, well, stupid--especially if you have to feed him/her or change a diaper.
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Either find a friend you can share with or go to UB. Don't bore the rest of us with all of your neurosis and fears. We didn't apply to privates, so I think some of my friends felt more comfortable talking with me since I didn't have a dog in that fight. I wished them well but after a while it is just boring to an outsider.
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