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8 y.o. is having some friend issues. Nothing big, imo - but the mom of the other girl got majorly involved and the whole thing has been blown out of proportion. I, honestly don't know how much culpability my dd has in the whole thing but I'm looking for ways to address how you should treat friends and be treated by friends in an overall manner - rather than dealing with each situation specifically. Anyone have any books they can recommend?
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seriously. My mom once interfered on my "behalf" and I ended up a social outcast for the next 3 years in my middle school.
[ Reply | Options ]op: yep - i told dh that i think this mom is really setting her dd up for some rough years ahead. but i'm actually having a hard time biting my tongue b/c this mom thinks her dd is innocent and my dd is all to blame since i'm not engaging in the "your child did this to my child" commentary. it's driving me crazy but i'm trying to get through it.
[ Reply | Options ]good luck. Remember that you're taking the high road (unless your child is actually tormenting the other child, which was the case for me).
[ Reply | Options ]op: lol - i truly don't think my dd is bullying hers in any way. i have talked to my dd about what's happening and getting a lot of "she did this and she did that!" and really have to work to get my dd to admit she's also done some mean things. but this mom just takes everything her dd says at face value and calls me to complain. i keep saying "there are two sides to every story and 8 y.o.s need to learn how to work through this stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]yes, I agree with you. Sorry this other mother has such issues. Were your girls friends before this started? It is likely a passing phase.
[ Reply | Options ]that's the thing - they've been best friends for two years. i've always known this mom was ultra sensitive about how others treat her dd and worried that if my dd did one wrong thing this would happen. i just hoped that years of shared history would make her a little more sane. the mom has told me she was really shy and unhappy growing up. i think she's projecting on her child. it's a shame,though. something that could have been over in 24 hrs has persisted for over a week.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm sorry for that. I think I have been there (as the dd of the other mom, my mom sounds like her) - I have a feeling this will blow over. I remember my mother and my bf's mother "fighting" about her treatment of me (one day she did actually tell me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, and i know I cried about it to my mom).
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is there a teacher or another adult who has some insight into this situation who you can talk to? You should find out for sure whether your dd is bullying others.
[ Reply | Options ]op: define bullying. my dd chose not to sit with her dd on the camp bus one day (out of 10.) she also didn't want to do archery and her friend got mad that my dd would not do that activity. according to my dd her friend is calling her names and hitting her.
[ Reply | Options ]sounds like there should have been some teacher/counselor intervention. Also, they're at an age where kids change interests and like to do other things. Did you dd decide not to sit next to her friend on the bus before or after the archery/hitting?
[ Reply | Options ]not exactly sure. she actually said that she only sat with the other girl b/c the other one was not going to be at camp the next week. but she had complained the day before that her friend would not let her talk to anyone else on the bus so i think that had something to do with it. i really believe that none of this is a big deal and would have blown over if the mom hadn't gotten involved and talked to the girls about loyalty and how you ahve to be a friend ALL the time - you can't pick and choose when you're friends. they're 8! are they required to be attached at the hip for two soid weeks of camp?
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np: I have to interrupt here and say that most moms of bullies think their kids are fine and spin a lot of excuses.
[ Reply | Options ]op: well - i don't know what to tell you. i truly don't think my dd is bullying this other child. i'm not saying she's super sweet to her right now either. here is a direct quote from my dd "Mary is trying to make friends at camp by being sassy and I'm trying to make friends by being nice to people. It works better when you're nice." If my dd is actually bullying her friend then she is a master manipulater and I have more to worry about than this specific camp situation.
[ Reply | Options ]np: here's the thing - bullying involves physical and psychological torment. one child deciding they don't want to hang with another child for a day or a week or to choose one friend over another is in no way bullying. it may not be nice but for that to be interpreted as bullying is overdramatic and for a parent to think they need to get involved in that is way over the top.
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American Girl publishes a bunch of books that seem good--dealing with cliques, making friends etc.
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UrbanBaby Asks...
When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:
- Use a carseat
- Buckle him/her in his/her own seat
- Hold him/her on my lap
- I'd never ride in a taxi with my DC, it's much too dangerous!
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