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It seems like the current generation of parents parent more intentionally than we were raised. I mean, my mom didn't moniter my tv watching. Is Hannah Montana or whatever is popular now really that much worse that the reruns of Gilligan's Island, Gidget, or Brady Bunch that I watched? And are all these alternative schools really turning out better kids than the traditional circle time, nap time, lunch time? Are we, as parents really making a difference or just stressing ourselves and our kids out?
53 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]We are now trying the latter approach. Kids and I are both much happier, and I find the time we do spend with crafts or reading is done with much more enthusiasm and excitement now.
[ Reply | Options ]what do you consider the latter approach? are you sending your kids to an alternative type school? homeschooling?
[ Reply | Options ]I'm an idiot - we are trying the former approach, because I think the latter result is true (we are stressing ourselves out).
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Yes, I'm sure it is. Though I have to admit we aren't watching more TV than before - it's more that we pulled back from all the structured activities. Now the kids just play in the yard, roll in the dirt, play with their toys in non-educational ways. In fact, I'm not sure what they do some of the time, I leave them alone a whole lot more now.
[ Reply | Options ]There is actually an article on the NPR website about how this is so much better for kids in the longrun. There's something called Executive Function that doesn't develop in kids if every min of their days are accounted for. I was so happy to read this b/c I often tell my kids to go upstairs and figure out what to do. Now I don't feel guilty about that.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I'm with you. I think there is way too much adult interaction w/ kids playtime these days. I had a horrible playdate where the mom had to be there--my 5 y.o. DS and hers. She was inserting herself in their play at every turn. It was wacked. I let my two kids play on their own as much as possible--I don't try to step in and "enrich" them or make them get along or play a certain way. When they squabble I put them alone in their rooms for a few minutes then send them to the bathroom and tell them to work it out and not to come out until they're ready to cooperate.
[ Reply | Options ]That's a good idea. I have a larger age gap (4 years), and while they are playing together more now there is also more arguing now.
[ Reply | Options ]Mine are 3.5 apart (DS is 6 now), so pretty close to yours. This summer their relationship has really developed. My oldest is the kind of kid who always wants to be involved with someone--if not me then DD will do. And my younger is really verbal and can do imaginary play and talk things out very well (for a 2.5 y.o.) so somehow it's working. I grew up as an only but spent all my time w/ my best friend from next door. We were inside, outside, making up our play, getting into big fights, resolving them. I don't remember having the parents involved all that much. I'd like for my kids to be pretty independent and not think and adult has work everything out for them.
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times change, 8 yr olds weren't the same when I was 8yr old (I'm 40) and my parents didn't really restrict what I watched or when I went to sleep. They were wrong and should have. I was exposed to lots of adult TV at such a young age and I only allow my dds watch age appropriate things. As for schools..traditional isn't best for every dc. Every dc has their own way of learning and a progressive enviornment is better for some. I went to a traditional private school and found myself bored and unable to use my imagination. I think if I had a chance for something diff. in school, I may have done better
[ Reply | Options ]op: i guess that's my question. how would you have done better? i just think it's so easy to stress out about the minutae of parenting that sometimes we forget how small each issue is. i have my own ideas about what is essential to good parenting but i think so many parents think EVERYTHING must be done in a specific way. i just don't think there are many areas of parenting that are black or white.
[ Reply | Options ]The very best thing you can do as a parent is have a life that does not include or evolve around your dc.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: i don't necessarily agree with that. maybe b/c my life revolves around my kids right now? i think it's more about a mindset. my kids are young and it's necessary to be centered on them right now. that doesn't mean they run my life. but i stay home b/c of them. but i still have my own interests and know i will return to work when the time is right. i can't articulate it but we have a very family centered household - not a child centered household. (i realize this prob makes no sense.)
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I think we can only do the best we can. We have our goals and ideas as how we want to parent and that's all we can do. My parents were good parents but they did lots of knucklehead things (like allow me to watch really inappropropriate things, smoked in front of me, fought in front of me, ect) but they did teach me how to be a good kid, empathetic to others, ect. I take those good lessons and pass them on (and add my own views). I take the not so good lessons and just tweak them to how I think it should be done.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I think my parents did a really great job in almost every way but one--they had a lot of conflict during the time I was at home and they put me in the middle of it. My mom is a very needy, anxious person. She is a great mom, and a great SAHM (awesome cook, gardner, super nurturing) but I was the baby and the last one at home for a long time, and I feel like she used me as a confidant/friend in a way that was not good for her relationship with my dad, and not good for her relationship with me. I am very conscious of not doing that with my kids and of making sure DH and I have our own thing going, not just as parents but as husband and wife.
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Sorry I don't buy this. There were 3 channels when we were growing up and there was no "adult" t.v. unless you mean Laverne and Shirley
[ Reply | Options ]you don't buy it? I saw Laugh-in, Midnight blue, ect. Cable came on in 1976 when I was 8 yr old..and I saw lots of tits and ass when I shouldn't. Don't buy it..but I have no reason to lie.
[ Reply | Options ]You are contradicting yourself - a traditional private school was too constricting for you but you were scarred by Laugh in and some naked boobs?
[ Reply | Options ]you are nuts. Where does a traditional learning enviornment have anything to do with what's appropriate for a 8yr old to see? You are speaking of apples and oranges. The way a dc learns is individual and the dc should be placed in the best learning enviornment. As for what's appropriate, sexual talk, seeing sex on tv is NOT appropriate for an 8yr old. You may allow your dc to watch this but I wouldn't allow my 8yr old to
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OP: I agree that there is more media in general these days to shelter your kids from. Got my kids a BK kids meal on a roadtrip last week and was surpised to see the toy was from Incredible Hulk movie - which I think is PG13. So, there IS more to be conscientious about. I do think there is a lot of overthinking and judgement of people doing things differently than you do going on these days, though.
[ Reply | Options ]I think ppl should be allowed to parent they way they want BUT with that said, the parents need to respect others views on parenting. Many free hippie style parents think old school parenting is weird and wrong. What's good for one isn't always good for all.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Right. Funny, the whole reason I started this post is that my 8 y.o. got a CD as a party favor that had the Apple Bottom Jeans song on it. I was pretty horrified that the parents thought a song about a girl looking sexy at a nightclub was appropriate for 8 y.o.s. But then I laugh at parents who freak out about Hannah Montana. It's all so subjective - and I wonder how much even matters in the end. (Though - my dd still isn't getting that CD back.)
[ Reply | Options ]Apple bottom jeans? I think it's safe to agree to disagree on this but know that you have raised a skeptical eyebrow this day. That said, look into ska, it's happy music, it'll more likely than not give him an appreciation for more complex and musical genres and groups, and the vast majority of it is clean (streetlight manifesto is one of the better groups, but a few of the concepts are a little more mature, eg, futility, violence (associated with futility) and a mildly pessimistic view on the affairs of man, but at teh same time they promote a good "so what" attitude towards it.
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np: did she say xrated? no she said adult tv..so anything past 8pm wasn't for small kids even back in the 70's. Would you let your 8 yr old watch tv past 8pm these days? or worst, past 10pm where the sex scenes are like soft porn? I wouldn't
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I've always thought I wasn't close to my parents because they were selfish. So I spent the last 18 years fine-tuning that "parent as a verb" shtick. Every minute, every dollar, every decision was for/about the kids. Guess what. They don't appreciate it - in fact - resent it, and want nothing to do with their parents. All that work to get the same result my parents did.
[ Reply | Options ]my parents were pretty "intentional," but i didn't really know it until they talked to me about what they had in mind raising me. and it didn't mean watching me every second. FWIW, i also went to "alternative" schools or was in alternative classrooms for most of elementary school. that's not a new idea.
[ Reply | Options ]I think the sexualization of TWEENS is a problem and it's pretty much subversive but what really bugs me is the lippy attitude in the cartoons and tween shows, etc. I feel while the humor in in the 70s and 80s shows was adult-at least it was smart and witty, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]We have to keep in mind that television has changed by a vast amount in the last 15 years. Before, television was used for entertainment only. Now, various companies will try to glamorize certain things (such as appearances, performance talent, yadah yadah) and sell their product to your children through shows like Hannah Montana, and the like.
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