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Been with potential dh for 4 years, engaged for 6 months. Our sexual relationship is quite weak and we're talking about going to couples therapy over other disagreements. Other than that he's the stereotypically perfect guy. Should I be marry a man with whom I need couseling a year before the wedding date?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Do you like him enough to spend the rest of your life with him? Has your sex always been weak? What are your other disagreements? why are you marrying him?
[ Reply | Options ]i'll admit sex was never a 10. I am marrying him because i love him and i feel like i can't live without him. but how important is sex? i mean i feel like it's semi-important now because i'm 25 but will i care later when i have kids and he's an amazing father? my gut feeling is not good. but i don't want to pass up an amazing guy over stupid things.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel a little worried for you when I read that you're only 25. Sex is pretty important. Less important, in my opinion, when you get into your late 30s and early 40s (where I am now). I would definitely broach this issue with a therapist. If you want to be with him as badly as you say, it may be worth the work! But i would certainly work at it, and feel fortunate and hopeful if he's willing to work on it as well. Have you ever had great sex with someone? IN other words, might this have less to do with him than you (and absolutely no judgment there. just hoping that it's not just him.)
[ Reply | Options ]i have had much better sex with other men. but never the emotional/mental connection. i just feel like i get so much attention from other men, but hardly any attention from him anymore. tons of emotional attention, but no real sexual attention. he says he's "too stressed" over work and other things. but he's been this way for years. i love being in a committed relationship, but i sort of need to be paid attention to. isn't that what your 20's are for? or is that me being selfish and stupid? i'm scared that if i leave him i'll hurt him and end up with regrets.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't stay with him because you're afraid of hurting him. you're so young. you can love someone who is still not the one for you to spend your life with. the fact that he's denying the chronic nature of his (lack of) sexuality is sort of troubling. I'd say if he's willing to work on that issue and you're willing to see if things can be addressed, then do so. Unfortunately, no one but you can answer whether or not sacrificing a decent sex life is worth it. I don't think he needs to be the best lover that you've ever had, but he certainly needs to be ready to learn how to improve. Most of all, and did i say this already: you are young! There's no rush! He needs to show you what you need and be willing to work on your sex life. check out the gottman books.
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