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first holiday since dh and i decided we are divorcing and it is much tougher than i thought - i still haven't told many people what is going on, and most that i have do not know why we are getting divorced; i thought i wouldn't let him ruin the holiday for me but he is bringing me down
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I am sorry. When I see men with their young second wives or girlfreinds I take satisfaction in the fact that karma is a bitch.
[ Reply | Options ]wow, you are so judgemental. I'm the product of a 2nd younger wife (20 years but she had nothing to do with breaking up my dad's first marriage) and my parents have been happily married for nearly 40 years. How can you judge without know the situation?
[ Reply | Options ]Ummm because she said she was sleeping with her husband for a long time. With others I judge it when I know the first wife. Now, turn down the venom.
[ Reply | Options ]np; sorry but when a woman knowingly sleeps with a married man, she's got issues. I don't care what you say, a mistress is a mistress at any age. They are both to blame. The woman doesn't get away from the affair clean.
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dh and I are close to calling it a day too. he took kids to spend weekend with his family who live very far away. I'm here alone. I miss my kids and I'm pretty sad too. Hang in there.
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I might go spend a night at my mom's house. I might go see SATC with a friend tomorrow night. I'm just depressed and really don't have the energy to do anything. My marriage is a mess - my life is unravelling - well, you know what I mean.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh Honey... See the movie. Can you do something just great for yourself tonight ? Buy a great bottle of wine and take a long bath or read a book you've wanted to read or go out with a friend ? I know that feeling of everything caving in, but it is just the ebb and flow of life... The pendulum will swing the other way.
[ Reply | Options ]When? My marriage just keeps getting worse. Now we can barely stand to be in the same room together. I was suppose to go away with dh and kids this weekend, but then he told me that he thought it would be best if I didn't go. THEN..... he's like, so what should we tell my mom? I'm like, um, how about the truth - and then he says, you know she'll be a wreck. OK, is that my problem??? My mom has been a wreck for a long time...
[ Reply | Options ]I was in a class this Am and the instructor read a passage from a book about getting OK with uncertainty. It sounds very touchy-feely and all that, but the gist of it was this is a continuum and the crap is part of the process and while it sucks and we're sad, you just trudge through it to the other side. I wouldn't give a care about his mother and would tell him so. I also wouldn't give a care about how he chose to tell her or not. Your priority - IMHO - should be you and DC and ONLY you and DC. Do you have someone you can talk to ? a shrink ? a friend who's a great listener ?
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, I have my sister, who is so great, and a few very, very good friend. I'm lucky in that sense. I know his family is going to be upset. That is not my problem and I told him so. He wanted to tell them that I was sick. I was like, o.k., and you don't think the kids are going to say something - and, if I were THAT sick, why are you all going - and, don't you think you mom might call me. Finally, I said, tell her what you want but I'm not coughing into any phone. I know things are always changing, and I keep praying that he will see the light some day, and that things will get better. Unfortunately, they just keep getting worse. My sit is also complicated by the fact that he suffers from mental illness.
[ Reply | Options ]Well that's a HUGE complication. Is he being treated or is he in denial ? And do you feel guilty about a divorce because you feel responsible for him since he has this issue ? You haven't said if it is major or minor. Anyway, I hope you do something to make yourself feel happy this weekend.
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you'll be ok, i know you probably worry about your kids but i assure you they will be fine - you are overthinking it, they are so youing and innocent they probably won't realize how different things are w/o their dad on the fourth - and if you are very concerned, is there anyway you would be willing to allow dh to be there, if there are many people then you could probably avoid him enough
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