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I think my DH hates me. Or, doesn't love me anymore. What do I do?
47 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]he says he feels like I put the kids before him and he's always so snappy with all of us. he talks down to all of us (never used to) and says he does it to the kids because his anger at me is dripping over to them. this makes me defend the kids and the cycle continues.
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i think we need this desperately, but we have no one we can trust to stay with the kids that long. and money is a little tight now -- we could do it but it would be a stretch.
[ Reply | Options ]Try to figure something out. I don't mean to sound financially irresponsible, but flying in your parents to watch the kids will be a whole lot cheaper than a divorce next year.
[ Reply | Options ]np- it sounds like a lot is going on her and I'm not sure a weekend away is going to solve the problem. No matter how angry he is at you is doesn't justify his behavior towards the kid. He is an adult they are children. He needs to grow up on that score. As for your relationship, you need to come up with a repair plan together. You need to set aside time for one another. Therapy is one option. Finding a reliable sitter for date night, picking one night a week, and really going. Even just opening a bottle of wine and ordering in after the kids go to bed can work.
[ Reply | Options ]^^ also if your dh hated you he would be out the door. He sounds hurt which means he still cares so there is hope.
[ Reply | Options ]That isn't always true. Divorce is a long time coming. Most people don't just pop up, out the door - espeically when you have children.
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for example, last night he yelled so disrespectfully at 5 yo for doing something annoying, but ultimately not a big deal (squirting a bunch of toothpaste in the sink) then told 8 yo she was acting like a baby (again, the tone was terrible) then chided me when I couldn't find the checkbook fast enough for him. it's like everything he says to everyone is dripping with hatred and he didn't used to be like this.
[ Reply | Options ]sounds like he's having issues outside of the home that need to be addressed. Will he go to therapy?
[ Reply | Options ]np, OP, I am your dh. I don't love my spouse, therapy isn't going to change that. People fall out of love and that is the reason we divorce. So, while others may paint a nice picture for you - consider divorce as an option too.
[ Reply | Options ]It doesn't sound like her dh doesn't love her, it sounds like he is angry and stressed and has other issues he needs to work through
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you have the opposite side of a different relationship - you can't know or assume that her dh hates her from what she has written. I'm sorry you no longer love you dh and you're divorcing but dont' assume that is best for everyone, especially without trying therapy first
[ Reply | Options ]?? i dind't assume anything, I gave OP another view. Nothing different than any of the other responders did - shared what could be going on, it just rubs people the wrong way - people tend to be hopeful and say - he loves you! try therapy. When, in reality 50% of marriages end in divorce.
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No, you want to make it like that (society gets so weird about divorce). It isn't painful. As a matter of fact, the way we knew it was time was that there was NO hurt, no pain, no regret and we can both leave freely. So, while I understand that someone posting about divorce as an option gets people rattled - don't project feelings and experiences that simply are not there.
[ Reply | Options ]Society gets "weird" about divorce? Yeah, I guess it's tough to see that 50% of people that get married are liars. (Remember the whole "I promise" thing?) Marriage is a choice. You decide to make it work or to take the easy road and get out to f** others (or f** them over). You don't care about what your decisions do to anyone but yourselves. Divorce hurts. Unless you are completely self-absorbed, you know this. And while the adults in the situation may not care, the kids will always have issues with abandonment and fear that their own spouses/sig others will someday leave them.
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