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i told my son that " i can't believe i raised such a spoiled brat and sometimes i wish you weren't my child" He is only 8 and I know I hurt him deeply. How can I live with saying such terrible things? He will probably remember that for the rest of his life.
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I did apologize to him. But down deep I really feel that way sometimes. He is a very difficult self centered child and can be very frustrating day in and day out. He is an outcast with his friends because of it and it stressful to for him as well as me to always be dealing with that.
[ Reply | Options ]can you give some examples, because I just can't imagine feeling that way. I mean, I get frustrated as hell with each of my kids at times, but not to that point. i think you need to seek counseling to learn how to parent better.
[ Reply | Options ]i know it is hard to imagine. i have another one and it is a completely different story. my 8 year old is in social skills group and has needed social intervention almost from the beginning. He is very impulsive and has great difficulty in
[ Reply | Options ]being empathetic to others. he cannot see things from another's point of view. He is highly intelligent on an intellectual level and extremely immature on an emotional level. He is always defiant and oppisitional. I honestly think it would be difficult for any parent to handle. But i only make it worse by venting to him.
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I hate to say it but I feel the same way about my 4yo at times, and have only just managed to avoid saying things like that to her. It's very hard, and you have my sympathy; all you can do is try your best, and some days your best will be better than others.
[ Reply | Options ]this post has stuck with me and bothered me since last night. if you are in family therapy, it is not enough. i can not think of a worse thing to say to your own child. have you seen an attachment specialist? Because from what you write here both of you seem to have an attachment disorder.
[ Reply | Options ]You've got to cut that out. That kind of statement really stays with a child. Take a deep breath and control what comes out of your mouth.
[ Reply | Options ]couple of issues here and i really feel for you. but it's important for you to separate your child's behavior from your own sense of accomplishment. you are taking his behaviors personally, as if they are being done to you or they somehow reflect on you. that's very dangerous thinking for a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]i think you are partially right. it is certainly more difficult when we are in a social setting and other parents are around. I become extremely embarrassed and imagine other parents judging him as well as me.
[ Reply | Options ]i think you need to be very honest with yourself. i think that that's a bigger problem here than the fact that you lost it a little and said things to your ds that you shouldn't have. I also know from my own experience that the worst times i've had with my dcs were teh times when i was taking their behavior personally. either as a reflection of my parenting or that they owed me better behavior than they were showing. once i was able to take my own ego out of the picture, i was better able to deal with (or at least accept) their behavior.
[ Reply | Options ]but that is very hard to do when I see him sabotaging the relationships he is trying to make by acting in a selfish and aggressive manner. It seems so simple and obvious to me and yet he just doesn't get it. It is so awkward for me at school, camp ect. Parents judge, teachers are perplexed and i don't think he will ever get it.
[ Reply | Options ]it sounds like a hard situation. do you think it's a kind of asperger's behavior? i'm not trying to diagnose him but i'm trying ot think of places where you might get tips for how to help him. and not to beat a dead horse here, but remember that it's really two separate issues: he has his problems, but your feelings about his problems are something you need to address with yourself. good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]Thank you for your thoughts. I think you are very observant and get right to the point. He does have asperger like qualities. He lives in the grey zone of these types of labels but a neuropsych has diagnosed tendencies consistent with aspergers, non verbal learning disorder and impulsivity.
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