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  • Anyone have a surprise pregnancy here? One that was a huge surprise - bad timing - very life-altering? I am currently the mother of a 20yo dd, 18yo ds and 14yo dd. DH and I have been married for 21 years and the last few years have been a downward spiral - we discussed divorce many times and we felt we should try our best to repair things, atleast until our youngest was in college. We had a good stretch for awhile - thus my being 6 months pregnant - but I cannot see us lasting. I am just really nervous about this pregnancy and what happens from here.

    28 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    06.16.08, 09:09 PM [ Flag ]
    • I had a surprise pregnancy, but different kind of surprise - I was 15.

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      06.16.08, 09:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • oh man, good luck to you - my sister had a pre-divorce baby - she thought perhaps it was going to fix her marriage, but it was the final nail in the coffin, luckily she and her ds are happy and she recently remarried

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      06.16.08, 09:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • what kind of downward spiral? downward as in "i want to go off and live with the monks in thailand" or downward as in "i'm not getting much out of this marriage anymore".

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      06.17.08, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • are you feeling connected to the db at all? would you ever consider giving up for adoption?

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      06.17.08, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • wow... I feel for you... Do you feel sort of trapped now ? or maybe the opposite? empowered to make a change for the better within your marriage or by leaving it ?

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      06.17.08, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • I don't even know - I feel like I should stay in the marriage and that this is telling me to be strong til death do us part, but other days I feel like this child came into my life to tell me to part ways and give him a happier life than I have been able to give my older children the last few years

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        06.17.08, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • do you have someone to talk to / It seems so huge... what does DH say ?

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          06.17.08, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • I talk to two close friends about it, but until now, no one knew about how bad things had gotten

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            06.17.08, 04:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • NP: Exactly how bad are they? details please

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              06.17.08, 04:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • DH and I were completely disconnected, preparing for divorce in the future, practically counting down the days - it reached a point where we didn't even hate each other anymore, we just had no feeling or emotion about anything. We got married extremely young, sometimes I feel like our marriage was based more on sex and physical attraction than actual love. Once we started having kids is when things changed a bit. I was 18 when we married and he was 23 - obviously too young to really know what love is in my opinion. There has just been a lack of marriage/partnership/communication/trust.

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                06.17.08, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • and DH... is he happy or freaked ?

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              06.17.08, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • We haven't even had what I would consider a good, productive conversation about it. I don't feel that he is thrilled about this at all - it is going to be another 18 year commitment tying us together regardless of what path we follow.

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                06.17.08, 04:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • i am so sorry for your bad situation... have the older kids chimed in with their thoughts ? They must know that the marriage is rocky...

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                  06.17.08, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • well currently my oldest daughter is in miami interning for the summer, my son is on a cross country roadtrip with my nephews and my 14yo is just trying to help me by being overly sweet and pretending everything is ok; it is tough having the family all dispersed until the end of july/early august

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                    06.17.08, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • wow... what do your friends say know that you've laid out the issues with them ? Are your parents still alove and do they have any thoughts or support to offer ?

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                      06.17.08, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • My parents are alive - they've been married since they were both 21 and they have the perfect marriage. My friends are in shock over this all, to an extent - they said they knew something was up, but had no idea it was this extreme or developed to this level. I have only given my parents the sugar-coatd version

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                        06.17.08, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • I'm sure... they don't need to know everything. What does your deep-down gut say, "Stay and get moments of happiness when they come," or "If not now, then never. It's time to start this new life with a new life for me too."

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                          06.17.08, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • if only it were that simple

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                          06.17.08, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • I certainly don't mean to imply that it's a simple decision... not at all... I was just wondering if you have a feeling that you are struggling against or if you really are paralyzed - for lack of a better word - with the enormity of this

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                          06.17.08, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • i am just paralyzed - one day i think this is a sign t turn things around and give our marriage a fresh start, and one day i think it is time for us to give ourselves a fresh start, away from each other, maintaining a friendship for the baby

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                          06.17.08, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • are you religious ?

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                          06.17.08, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • not particularly

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                          06.17.08, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • eeeesh

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      06.17.08, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • I just found out I'm pg w/ #4. a little different from you though, I have a 6mo #3.

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      06.17.08, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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