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two of my good friends had babies recently. i recently had a miscarriage. as far as i know, neither one knew i was expecting. I'm very happy for them. but here's what's bothering me. i usually would offer to make supper for them. but i sort of resent having their babies intrude into my home which has become an oasis for me. does that make sense to anyone else?
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it's hard for me to explain. i'm having a pretty hard time since my miscarriage. a lot of up and downs but i'm handling it. i can go and smile and be happy for them. but somehow, making dinner for them in my own home feels intrusive. it's like it's not enough that i have to smile and say "congrats", it's making it be much more personal. so hard for me to explain.
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op: that's just what we usually end up doing for each other. it didn't even occur to me to buy a baby gift in lieu of sending over dinner. now that you pointed it out, that is such a simple solution.
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why do you feel obligated to make food for them? do you suspect they expect you to?
[ Reply | Options ]that's usually what the people in my neighborhood do. usually people on the block plus other friends send over meals for a week or two. i think they'd be surprised if i didn't send it. and in theory, i want to send it. i'm just surprised at how it's turning out that i really don't want to.
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no, it doesn't make sense to me. just don't bring them dinner if you are going to be bitter about it, which it sounds like you are.
[ Reply | Options ]I feel for you. However, it is not fair to do something they did not ASK you to do or expect from you and then RESENT them for it. If you are not down with helping out this way then DON'T...and don't feel bad about it. You need not play martyr here...just do what you are comfortable with
[ Reply | Options ]thank you. i really just wanted to talk it over with someone who could understand where i'm coming from. i thought i was fine. i went to the bris and it was fine. so i was taken aback at how much i don't want to do this. then i feel selfish. and also, the fact that they don't know i miscarried means they won't even think that i was having a hard time and that's why i didn't do it.
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