advertisement
Click Here
On The Insider: More "Hairspray"?
Sign up | Log in
new post » see more posts »

  • a day in a life with a teen: dd was stressing this morning about a vocal performance that she has to present before 3 teachers in order to pass to the next level next year. I said, "You shouldn't worry. You have one of the most beautiful voices in your class." Her response: "How could you possibly know that?" This continue back and forth with me trying to shore up her confidence and her tearing apart what I said. Finally, I gave up and was silent. After a moment, she looked at me and said, "You can continue telling me how good I am." I had to smile...and continued

    45 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    06.03.08, 06:57 AM [ Flag ]

    • not flaming - your daughter is right to call you on that first compliment. kids can smell insincerity a mile away, and if you don't know the voices of every other kid in her class, you shouldn't say something like "you have one of the MOST beautiful voices in your class." Sorry to be so judgy sounding, but i find that sincere meaningful compliments are the only ones worth giving or receivng.

      [ Reply | Options ]
      06.03.08, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • ita

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • OMG.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • ugh, you are annoying.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • no, you and your needy, princessy daughter are

          [ Reply | Options ]
          06.03.08, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • np, I agree that that was an incredibly annoying response. In OP's mind, her DD DOES have one of the most beautiful voices.

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • How does OP know if she hasn't heard the other kids? OP sounds like one of those moms who always tells her kids they are the BEST, SMARTEST, PRETTIEST people in the whole wide world, yes they are!

              [ Reply | Options ]
              06.03.08, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • Um, that's a Mom's job.

                [ Reply | Options ]
                06.03.08, 07:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                • it is not a parent's job to give their kid an over inflated ego. you praise them realistically and encourage them constantly; you don't tell them that they are better than everyone else.

                  [ Reply | Options ]
                  06.03.08, 07:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                  • LOL.

                    [ Reply | Options ]
                    06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                  • wow. you are really old school, aren't you?

                    [ Reply | Options ]
                    06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                    • i take that as a compliment. my children are aware of their strengths and develop them. they work on their weaknesses, as well. they do not say, "i am so great." to themselves in the mirror 1000 times a day

                      [ Reply | Options ]
                      06.03.08, 07:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                      • You do understand that it is possible to bolster your child's confidence without giving them the huge ego you're so afraid of?

                        [ Reply | Options ]
                        06.03.08, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • yes, by giving them honest, sincere meaningul compliments. not you are the BEST every second of the day

                          [ Reply | Options ]
                          06.03.08, 07:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • you really are reaching to assume this scenario based on one example that might very well be true

                          [ Reply | Options ]
                          06.03.08, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                        • Who, in this thread, has said anything about telling their kids that they are the BEST every second of the day? Where are you getting this?

                          [ Reply | Options ]
                          06.03.08, 07:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                      • I disagree with you. I am very sure your kids one day will look back and tell you that they wished you would have told them at least once or twice how great they were. You don't have to say they are the best all the time but there is definitely a balance you can strike.

                        [ Reply | Options ]
                        06.03.08, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • that was not me, signed OP

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • sorry, then. just so you know, i think you sound like a nice mom and what you said was probably something i would say even though i stand by my opinion that it is probably better to encourage than to offer overly effusive praise

              [ Reply | Options ]
              06.03.08, 07:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • yeah. unfortunately, we don't always stop and analyze everything we say before we say it. at least I don't.

                [ Reply | Options ]
                06.03.08, 07:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I know this anecdotally from what she has told me herself other classmates have told her, that's what I was referring to and I explained that to her. Also her voice teacher told me in parent/teacher conference that she could always count on dd to hit the high note when others couldn't. So I think ONE of the most is not hyperbole and certainly not insincere on my part. She was just being argumentative

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • Do people find it difficult to be around you? It would be so hard for me not to wince when I had to spend time with you. I am glad we are not friends.

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • why? because i refuse to raise children who think the sun shines out of their ass? i cannot stand this mentality where you constantly have to artificially bolster your children. maybe you enjoy being sucked up to by two faced sycophants who really think you are mediocre, but i do not.

          [ Reply | Options ]
          06.03.08, 07:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • You are just itching for a fight, aren't you? OP provided backup for her statement. You have no idea whether OP artificially praises everything her DD does.

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • I am quite certain your children think very little of themselves. It must be very difficult to think anything positive in your presence.

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • i am quite certain your children are unjustiably conceited. it must be very difficult for others to think anything positive in their presence. congratulations for raising the next generation of paris hiltons

              [ Reply | Options ]
              06.03.08, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • how on earth do you get all this from one statement? forget your meds?

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • Nicely put.

          [ Reply | Options ]
          06.03.08, 07:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • ITA. This isn't really a meaningful compliment unless you've heard all the other kids sing. Tell her something she knows to be true: either that she's worked so hard, or rehearsed so much, or that she sounds so much like X (some singer that she admires).

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • LOL - classic scenario. ignore the troll. (i hate it when i post something precious and it gets attacked... don't know why people feel compelled to do this.)

      [ Reply | Options ]
      06.03.08, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • yeah. I was just amused by the back and forth. didn't pick a very good example, I guess

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • perhaps because we are the people who have to interact with you and your "perfect" children on a daily basis and it is aggravating to have to pretend that mediocrity is greatness. btw, the post was not "precious"

        [ Reply | Options ]
        06.03.08, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • Get.Over.Yourself.

          [ Reply | Options ]
          06.03.08, 07:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • you get over yourself. you posted this non-sequitor because you know i am right and you have no cogent response

            [ Reply | Options ]
            06.03.08, 07:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • I have plenty of cogent responses, but you've proven yourself to be inflexible and judgmental so I see no reason to waste them on you.

              [ Reply | Options ]
              06.03.08, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • feh. go tell your dsaughther how "specisl she is

                [ Reply | Options ]
                06.03.08, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

                • Thanks, I will. I tell her how wonderful she is all the time. I also encourage her to work hard at what she's not good at, without telling her she's the best at everything, believe it or not.

                  [ Reply | Options ]
                  06.03.08, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • sweet story! I am amazed by the nasty tone of some replies. While it is valid to think about why your daughter might have rejected your compliments at first, it doesn't justify the sharp replies.

      [ Reply | Options ]
      06.03.08, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
advertisement
advertisement
Click Here

UrbanBaby Asks...

What are your Thanksgiving travel plans?

Already voted? View Results

See previous polls »

Boards Help

Abbreviations
More Boards Help

Site Feedback Thank you for your feedback about the new site. We are paying close attention to your comments and we will incorporate them as we make improvements to the site. Please continue to report problems and offer feedback on the Site Feedback Board and visit our Site Talk blog for answers to some of your questions and updates on specific issues.

Flashback