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  • My dh seems to be really getting fed up with my "nagging." I admit I may nag, but the reason is that he is chronically late for things, doesn't get things done around the house, etc. Any tips on coping with these things without nagging? I'm sure I"m not the only one with a dh who is late, doesn't get things done, forgets things.

    24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    05.19.08, 10:08 AM [ Flag ]

    • I don't know. I trying asking nicely-if I don't ask again I find it doesn't get done :(

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      05.19.08, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Are you nagging about things that are really important or things that you just wish he'd do?

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      05.19.08, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I think they're important. Things like getting to work on time, getting to the airport on time, cleaning up his crap.

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        05.19.08, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • Set all the clocks in the house back 15 minutes and don't tell him. As far as cleaning up, I would give him one designated mess area, like his desk or his area of the closet.

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          05.19.08, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • we live in a small apartment, so it's hard to find him a messy place without that isn't out in the open. He has papers galore, so his closet won't cut it.

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            05.19.08, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

            • Have you tried to just explain to him that since he is not the only person living in the apartment you would like him to respect you by not leaving his papers all over the place for you to clean up?

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              05.19.08, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

              • yes, I've tried everything with him. Maybe I'll try to get him a file cabinet or something where he can dump all his crap and close the door.

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                05.19.08, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • Try making deals with him. For instance "Here is the time we need to leave, I am not going to nag you but if you are unable to be ready at the time I tell you then you have to give me a 10 minute massage." This way if he is late you get a massage and he has the control to make the choice to be on time to avoid the nagging.

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      05.19.08, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • You know what I do? I (and this may sound bad but oh well) actually sit down and talk with my dh about it seriously. I don't scold or anything, I just tell him face to face how his behavior affects me and the household and ultimately makes my job as sahm more difficult. Usually he see's my point and tries harder.

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      05.19.08, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

      • I've done this. We've also been to counseling in the past, and he knows how his lateness or other behavior affects me. He seems to be at the point of not caring.

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        05.19.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

        • hmmm. I'd say that you just have to work around it. Plan ahead as much as possible, but you probably already do that...

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          05.19.08, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

          • yeah, I guess I should try to ignore it as much as possible if I want to have a somewhat peaceful marriage. The other problem is that his lateness and procrastination led him to lose his last job. I'm so afraid that it will happen again in his new . So even if I ignore it, his lateness could still affect me and dc.

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            05.19.08, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I laugh a lot, so even when I ask him to do things or he is late, I joke about it. and I don't mind asking dh to do things a couple of times over. it's not worth a fight, and if he's defensive he isn't going to do what I want him to do.

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      05.19.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • I have some similar issues. I am slowly learning that just askin ghim to take care of things nicely if I want help. I am also realizing that he often does not even realize that he should be doing something. I know I have to let the little things go though.

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      05.19.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • it doesn't matter how I ask dh to do something, he hears it as nagging

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      05.19.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

    • DH complains about this sometimes. I've noticed its mostly when we're both tired and the only conversations we have time for are the mundane stuff. If he really doesn't have time or is stressed I try and tone it down a bit.

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      05.19.08, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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