moms with multiple miscarriages - does it get easier with subsequent losses or harder? i just heard i've had my 2nd in a row...feel less bad than last time. but maybe i'm just in shock?
66 replies [ Reply | Options ]I am sorry for you loss. I have had two but in my experience it does not get better and the second one was harder because it was two in a row. First was 13 wks second was only 5 wks but the fact that there was two in a row is really upsetting to me.
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not yet. still trying. No dc yet. Seeing RE now finally. Just refused to admit there was a problem (those two pregnancies were very far apart)
[ Reply | Options ]Where are you being seen? i'm at cornell and have a lot of faith in them. what has RE suggested for you? I wish you success...and soon! for both us us actually.
[ Reply | Options ]I am not in NYC. This cycle I did clomid, estrogen, triggered and IUI yesterday and am about to start progesterone. I got one follicle so I am hoping but RE still said not a huge chance but he thinks within three cycles I should get pg. Then he will follow me closely for the first 12 weeks to watch for signs of impending m/c. What have you been doing? We are going to do at least 3 more IUI cycles before me move on.
[ Reply | Options ]I went straight to IVF and used follistim (RE said this would give us best chance, altho he would have done IUIs if we'd wanted to). got preg first cycle and was closely monitored, but m/c at 9 wks. 2nd cycle didn't work. and then we got pregnant on our own! which was such a surprise b/c we have severe male factor. but then I just found out I lost pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]I am so sorry. I know how rotten it is. Will you wait a few months for your next round? Are you going to do another round later? I guess maybe you are not there yet in your thinking. Do you have an dc yet?
[ Reply | Options ]no. i don't have any dcs yet. will probably start trying "naturally" as soon as OB gives us the all clear. expect we'll go back to ivf if natural hasn't worked by september or october. i don't want to wait too long. am thinking that i'll ask RE to put more back if it seems like most of our embryos are chromosomally abnormal. maybe at least one will be ok. how about you?
[ Reply | Options ]we are in the 2ww and crossing fingers but I don't have too much hope. I guess that is good so there is not a big letdown. Then, I am sure you experience this too, if I do get pg I will just worry to death about every little ache and pain and wonder if I am having an awful m/c again. The first was really traumatic because it was so much further along than the second and I had to have a d&c
[ Reply | Options ]yeah. about to have my second d&c tomorrow and am NOT looking forward to it. The waiting and hoping and worrying (and dreading) is soo soo difficult. at least since you're with an RE you will be monitored constantly. i found that that helped. When is 2ww over for you?
[ Reply | Options ]depends on HCG dose. i believe it drops by half every day or so. if you can spend the $$$, another way you can do it is wait a week and start testing once a day. you'll likely start out positive, go to negative, and then you know that if you get a positive after that that it's for real! a little expensive but foolproof! i tested about four days ahead of the beta test, i believe. got a positive on the cycle when i was preg, and nothing the other time. but as i said it all depends on the hcg dose. do you know what yours was?
[ Reply | Options ]I am 28 (I know, pretty young for UB) but I started ttc when I was 25 because I knew we would have difficulties because of my hormone imbalance. It was horrifying for me when I logged on this afternoon and saw this. I have been here for three years and this was a pretty rough change.
[ Reply | Options ]Sanity is not something I am holding on to very well. I actually started seeing a therapist because it was getting pretty rough for me and drs suggest it but I don't do well there because it is soooo out of the norm for me to just open up and chat. We still have some hope so that is good. Good for you to be able to maintain some hope.
[ Reply | Options ]i started seeing a therapist too after the first m/c. it's helping definitely. altho this time around i don't feel like talking about it to anyone who hasn't been through it. a little bit i feel that my therapist can't fully understand and is just telling me to be positive (which I am in the long-term) but in the short term - like in the last pregnancy, I am not. I am filled with anxiety. and he keeps basically saying "snap out of it". needless to say my anxieties have been super reinforced by this latest loss.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh yeah I can see the reinforcement. Maybe you need a different therapist. My therapist would not push me to "snap out of it". Of course I have a talking problem so getting the issues out is pretty difficult and I have a few other issues I figured while I was there I would try to deal with. You can't just be expected to snap out of it. It is very real and very fresh. You can try to do things to feel better in the short term but even the whole "time will heal" doesn't seem to work that well. I think it will work when I have a live birth but not really before then.
[ Reply | Options ]do you have any friends that have been through this? I personally don't but I also don't talk about this in my real life. My friends don't know that dh and I are going to RE or really ttc. The first pg we told a week before the loss. We had healthy growth, hb, hit 12 wk mark thought we could tell then a week later I lost it. Since then people ask if we are ttc and I just say if it happens it happens. I don't know why I can't talk about it but I really don't want to tell people I am pg when I get pg until I hit 15 weeks or something. Dh agrees with me on this because of our history.
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mine were very different circumstances, and first one hit me much harder. fwiw, i got pg with dd two cycles after 2nd loss, and just had #2 2 mos ago. hey, a real post to respond to! GL with everything - you'll get past it, although you won't forget.
[ Reply | Options ]i also had 2 in a row. i am so sorry. i think the answer is both, some times i felt better, some times worse. if that makes any sense. i think that with the second i set my expectations lower and had not really accepted that i was pregnant.
[ Reply | Options ]Number 2 almost killed me emotionally. Number one was a fluke but number 2 was not. I got tested and had a blood disorder. I have 2 healthy dds now!
[ Reply | Options ]congrats! what was the blood disorder? like a clotting problem? did you take luvenox?
[ Reply | Options ]OR: Yes, I did take Lovenox. I had MTHFR, Antithrombin III and protein C def. YUCK! BUt, Lovenox is a miracle drug.
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OR: The first 2 times I almost threw up I was so scared. BUT, after that it was like an ant bite. NO big deal at all!
[ Reply | Options ]i take it you hadn't done ivf before? i did ivf twice and have unfortunately gotten way too used to lots of needles. is the lovenox an IM or subcutaneous injection? I HATE the IMs.
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i completely agree. i could do subqs for the rest of my life if i have to. but i used to cry when my dh would give me the progesterone. the other night, he tugged my pajama bottoms down a bit to kiss me on my hip, and I completely cringed, expecting a shot. Like one of pavlov's dogs! i'd become so conditioned! even though we haven't done ivf in a few months. i told him and he was so bummed.
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I think the first one hit me hard because I didn't think it would happen to me. I was so naive. The second was hard because I was far along and had been told everything looked good. the third was hard just because at that point, I was ready to give up. Have your drs. figured out your problem?
[ Reply | Options ]how far along were you? yeah the naiviete is just gone after the first time, isn't it? my first was due to two chrom abs. they think that's what caused the second one too but the testing isn't back yet. don't know that there's anything i can do about chrom problems...and i'm only 36 - a spring chicken by manhattan standards!
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OP here: thanks everybody for finding this post and writing in! this new design is a mess - makes it hard to communicate with each other, so i really appreciate you all finding this and sticking around to reply. it's really been a help.
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I had 4 miscarriages, of IVF pregnancies (severe male factor), before having my now-15-year-old son (perfectly healthy). After the third, I was diagnosed by Dr. Joseph Hill, then in Boston, with a very rare autoimmune condition. This was successfully treated by progesterone suppositories, and my fourth pregnancy went well until I miscarried in 2nd trimester - Down syndrome. Fifth IVF pregnancy worked, normal pregnancy, easy delivery, healthy boy, now 15. Advanced age, thought more impossible. 5 years later, spontaneous pregnancy, healthy now-9-year old boy. I was very depressed during that awful period, but the reality of dealing with two normal boys has made the experience fade. I wish you the same! Best of luck.
[ Reply | Options ]The first is always the hardest because you just never thought it could happen to you and it is the death of all you innocent hopes & dreams as well a baby. I had three and neither of the other two affected me as much just because I steeled myself against believing in them too much. But the first - that was devastating. FYI, I now have two beautiful twin girls after donor egg IVF.
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