UrbanBaby - Marriage Therapist mom on - how goesit ...

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Marriage Therapist mom on - how goesit today?
37 replies
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05.08.08, 10:41 AM [ Flag ]
- selling our house cuz dh doesn't make enuff $. i've been breadwinner for over a decade. feeling very bitter towards him. not sure i can forgive him for our predicament.
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  05.08.08, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - you are angry because he makes a certain salary? has he had the opportunity to make more and declined?
    [ Reply | Options ]
    05.08.08, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - he's never really made any kind of decent salary
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      05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - were you making more when you married him?
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        05.08.08, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        slightly more but never expected this to go on and on to the point where he's making what i made post-college
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        05.08.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        ^^and now i'm extremely resentful because we have to move (again) and our lives can't just be stable
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        05.08.08, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- are you a phd?
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  05.08.08, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - yes.
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    05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - So, you need that to do marriage counseling? Just curious about different paths. Is there any family or marriage counseling that doesn't require a phd?
      [ Reply | Options ]
      05.08.08, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - yes, but it is what your state requires for licensure.
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        05.08.08, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- dh and i are having sex much more often and he is much happier
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  05.08.08, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - are you?
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    05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - np: in what?
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      05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - your marriage now that you are having more sex
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        05.08.08, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- is it normal to love dh more after sex than before it?
  [ Reply | Options ]
  05.08.08, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - maybe like a lot - I tend to think the true emotion of love doesn't change too much in short verses
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    05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- dh coming home from a trip. looking forward to seeing him. it's been a very rocky year but i think we're going to get thru it. scared of having an argument this weekend, tho
  [ Reply | Options ]
  05.08.08, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - if you feel yourself or see him getting flustered - smile, and give him a hug then walk away for a moment
    [ Reply | Options ]
    05.08.08, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - np: How do you work anything out then?
      [ Reply | Options ]
      05.08.08, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- what's your training?
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  05.08.08, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - other than education, internships, and working under another more established psychologist before heading out on my own? I also stay abreast of current thoeries and lines of studies with conferences and things of that nature.
    [ Reply | Options ]
    05.08.08, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Db is hard on a marriage, huh?
  [ Reply | Options ]
  05.08.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - they are often a bit of a hardship on some marriages, yes
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    05.08.08, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- why don't I want to have sex with dh?
  [ Reply | Options ]
  05.08.08, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - could be a slew of reasons. did you have a baby recently? stress? drastic change in physical form - either or both of you? depression?
    [ Reply | Options ]
    05.08.08, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Is it normal to have contempt towards DH once in awhile?
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  05.08.08, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - my goodness, YES
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    05.08.08, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - thank you. makes me feel much better!
      [ Reply | Options ]
      05.08.08, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- how can I help dh's self esteem? he has weight issues, and while I think he looks great, he doesn't
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  05.08.08, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - YOU can't. you can support him in therapy and exercise, healthy eating etc, but you should not become an enabler. those that they enable end up blaming the enabler for things.
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    05.08.08, 10:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - How do I stop from being an enabler? I honestly think he's sexy as hell, but he hates the way he looks and our intimacy suffers because of it. I just want him to feel good about himself
      [ Reply | Options ]
      05.08.08, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - he needs therapy, really.
        [ Reply | Options ]
        05.08.08, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- How do people regain trust in their spouse after being really hurt by them? I caught my dh in a very flirtatious text-message exchange with a woman he went out to dinner with when he was on a business trip. I ruminate and am trying to move forward. He is remorseful though he is starting to lose patience with my endless rehashing.
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  05.08.08, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - therapy. it really resides with what is acceptable to you. punishing people only works for so long, then it's time to move on - either apart or together
    [ Reply | Options ]
    05.08.08, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - we are both in individual therapy. so we should add couple's therapy as well?
      [ Reply | Options ]
      05.08.08, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - absolutemundo.
        [ Reply | Options ]
        05.08.08, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Is it normal for a couple to have nonstop sex for a few months and then barely any for a few more? This seems to be our cycle.
  [ Reply | Options ]
  05.08.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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Posted October 3, 2007(37 replies)

Marriage Therapist mom on - how goesit today?

selling our house cuz dh doesn't make enuff $. i've been breadwinner for over a decade. feeling very bitter towards him. not sure i can forgive him for our predicament.

you are angry because he makes a certain salary? has he had the opportunity to make more and declined?

he's never really made any kind of decent salary

were you making more when you married him?

slightly more but never expected this to go on and on to the point where he's making what i made post-college

^^and now i'm extremely resentful because we have to move (again) and our lives can't just be stable

are you a phd?

yes.

So, you need that to do marriage counseling? Just curious about different paths. Is there any family or marriage counseling that doesn't require a phd?

yes, but it is what your state requires for licensure.

dh and i are having sex much more often and he is much happier

are you?

np: in what?

your marriage now that you are having more sex

is it normal to love dh more after sex than before it?

maybe like a lot - I tend to think the true emotion of love doesn't change too much in short verses

dh coming home from a trip. looking forward to seeing him. it's been a very rocky year but i think we're going to get thru it. scared of having an argument this weekend, tho

if you feel yourself or see him getting flustered - smile, and give him a hug then walk away for a moment

np: How do you work anything out then?

what's your training?

other than education, internships, and working under another more established psychologist before heading out on my own? I also stay abreast of current thoeries and lines of studies with conferences and things of that nature.

Db is hard on a marriage, huh?

they are often a bit of a hardship on some marriages, yes

why don't I want to have sex with dh?

could be a slew of reasons. did you have a baby recently? stress? drastic change in physical form - either or both of you? depression?

Is it normal to have contempt towards DH once in awhile?

my goodness, YES

thank you. makes me feel much better!

how can I help dh's self esteem? he has weight issues, and while I think he looks great, he doesn't

YOU can't. you can support him in therapy and exercise, healthy eating etc, but you should not become an enabler. those that they enable end up blaming the enabler for things.

How do I stop from being an enabler? I honestly think he's sexy as hell, but he hates the way he looks and our intimacy suffers because of it. I just want him to feel good about himself

he needs therapy, really.

therapy. it really resides with what is acceptable to you. punishing people only works for so long, then it's time to move on - either apart or together

we are both in individual therapy. so we should add couple's therapy as well?

absolutemundo.

Is it normal for a couple to have nonstop sex for a few months and then barely any for a few more? This seems to be our cycle.

UrbanBaby Asks...

When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:

Boards Help

Regrets