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  • DH in a sexless marriage here (it's been 10 months, alot has to do with stress from me being out of work, and DW's grandmother died), any tips on how I can restart it or questions?

    37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]
    05.05.08, 08:21 AM [ Flag ]
    • does dw want to revive her sex life too or do you avoid talking about it

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      05.05.08, 08:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • we haven't talked about it in a while, so I don't know what she is thinking.....I am back at work now and really want to restart it

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        05.05.08, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • i'd say go slow. be willing to be affectionate w/out immediately expecting sex. my dh and i went through a long dryspell and no sex meant no physical contact from him. if i hugged him, he thought "yay! sex!" and wanted to get right to it. so annoying to me. i felt like we kind of needed to start over, go slow and all that. i wanted to get comfortable being physical in general before we actually had sex.

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          05.05.08, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • 5 years for me.

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      05.05.08, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • np: you and dh/dw haven't had sex for 5 years??? Medical reasons?? How's your marriage holding up?

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        05.05.08, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • We are very happy, shockingly. I put on 30lbs after my 5yo was born and am taking steriods for a medical problem so I can't lose it. He's just not attracted to chubby women although he compliments me daily. Strange but when I lose weight, it'll be bett

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          05.05.08, 08:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • That shouldn't be the deciding factor.

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            05.05.08, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • I know but he's aways been very visual and honestly wouldn't be able to perform. He's great in every other aspect and would never cheat.

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              05.05.08, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • You are kidding yourself. 5 yrs is absurd. I think you are not seeing the problems with a man who only will have sex with you if you are perfect for his eyes.

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                05.05.08, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • It goes both ways. He has a low sex drive to begin with. Lost his virginity at 23 and did not masturbate until he was 20. I am also not that interested. It;s okay, really. We are very close and loving

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                  05.05.08, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • How was your sex life when you started dating and as newlyweds? He say why he waited so long on both things?

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                    05.05.08, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • We had a short burst of frequent sex in the beginning and it was very infrequent after that. He's always been a late bloomer. It's just not a priority for either of us. He loves snuggling and so do I. I think his dad is the same way from hints I've hea from my MIL.

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                      05.05.08, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                      • did you mind when it became infrequent early on? he say why he was a late bloomer? what was he like as a sexual performer when you had sex?

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                        05.05.08, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                        • He was awkward but very excited. I think it takes a lot out of him physically. He gets very tired after. I never was a hugely sexual person so I don't mind. He's never been interested in porn or strip clubs but definitely has a type of body that he like

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                          05.05.08, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • what's teh most you've done in 5 years

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        05.05.08, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • We snuggle and hold hands and that's about it

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          05.05.08, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • have you done anything in a state of undress? have you tried to do anything while cuddling?

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            05.05.08, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • I'm not happy with my body so I never let him see me undressed. I was always very thin so I feel like an alien in my own body

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              05.05.08, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • Here's an idea.....spoon him, with you behind, in the dark, under the covers and start reaching for his manhood and start rubbing and let it go from there

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                05.05.08, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • This would not fit into my idea of a healthy, happy life.

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        05.05.08, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • go out and have a good time. drink, party, come home and have sex. there is not much to it

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      05.05.08, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • just get going. sex begets sex. and wine helps.

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      05.05.08, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • Is it your stress or hers? How about talk to you and really make an effort

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      05.05.08, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      • A lot of it was my own stress......and I couldn't sleep and to be honest had trouble keeping an erection or had no interest....worries, etc. with her grandmother, DW was just upset about that

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        05.05.08, 08:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        • Well, was your sex life good berfore that? Tell her you miss that. Does porn help you maintain?

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          05.05.08, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
          • It was very good before, usually twice a week, sometimes more.....porn is helping now....there was a period where to be honest, nothing could help, I would lose it within seconds of getting it

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            05.05.08, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
            • Ok, so maybe tell her this and ask her to share the porn with you maybe. She probably misses it a lot too and wants to feel desirable.

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              05.05.08, 08:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
              • i will tell her this.....i don't think she'll have a problem with sharing the porn....to be honest, at one point a few months ago, she actually bought me a bunch of porn magazines in an attempt to help me

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                05.05.08, 08:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                • Ok, she sounds very open and cool. Tell her and talk to her bc it sounds like she misses it!

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                  05.05.08, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • I will, I am going to try the alone thing to start and after we get this started up, I am thinking maybe a weekend away, and yes she does miss it too!

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                    05.05.08, 08:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                  • OP: I was surprised when she did, just seemed out of character for her, I mentiond it to my best friend and he was literally shocked

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                    05.05.08, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
                    • Sounds like she is willing to do what it takes so take her up on it and enjoy. When I'm stressed I need to have sex more!

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                      05.05.08, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    • start by having some time alone. Get a sitter and go to dinner, start talking to each other again. once you are relaxed with each other, it is a lot easier

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      05.05.08, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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