UrbanBaby - Soap Opera shituation - need some perspe...

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Soap Opera shituation - need some perspective. Friend had a dd when she was 17yo that she gave up for adoption. Dd has turned into an amazing young woman that my friend is very proud of & she'll graduate from Yale soon. They "met" a while back, got acquainted & my friend adores her. My friend is now married with 2 dc and is a successful atty, married to a hedge fund manager. Her dh is adamant that she not go to this graduation and that she cease all contact with the dd she gave up for adoption. Moreover, he insists that she never tell her dc about this person. He KNEW about this situation before they got married, and knew that when this dd turned 18, my friend intended to contact the girl's parents. Is it even realistic to expect her to hide this episode in her life from her dc? And would telling her dc (ages 7 and 3) about this previous dd do damage?
11 replies
- Toddler
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05.05.08, 08:11 AM [ Flag ]
- dh is an asshole
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  05.05.08, 08:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - ita, he is completely wrong and out of line
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    05.05.08, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- it's wrong to not allow her to go to the graduation or tell her kids about it (maybe when they're a little older and can understand better)
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  05.05.08, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- they should go to counseling. he dh obviously has some fear/anxiety that this relationship will harm their family, cause embarrassment, etc. it is complicated and they need to sort through it.
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  05.05.08, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- what a complete ass, and a control freak. this girl--ivy graduate or junkie--is his wife's child. this would be a deal breaker for me
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  05.05.08, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- it will only hurt her kids if her husband acts like a complete jerk.
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  05.05.08, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Honesty is best policy all around - DH should know that hiding things is detrimental to all
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  05.05.08, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Her dh cannot tell her not to be involved. A) he's a dick and b) he's a dick
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  05.05.08, 08:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- (op) Follow up question: How would you feel if, as an adult, you found out your Mom had a dc she never told you about?
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  05.05.08, 08:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - Depends on how I found out. I would like to think she would tell me the whole story and that I'd be understanding, even happy.
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    05.05.08, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Ita, dh is being an asshole.
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  05.05.08, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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Posted October 3, 2007(37 replies)

dh is an asshole

ita, he is completely wrong and out of line

it's wrong to not allow her to go to the graduation or tell her kids about it (maybe when they're a little older and can understand better)

they should go to counseling. he dh obviously has some fear/anxiety that this relationship will harm their family, cause embarrassment, etc. it is complicated and they need to sort through it.

what a complete ass, and a control freak. this girl--ivy graduate or junkie--is his wife's child. this would be a deal breaker for me

it will only hurt her kids if her husband acts like a complete jerk.

Honesty is best policy all around - DH should know that hiding things is detrimental to all

Her dh cannot tell her not to be involved. A) he's a dick and b) he's a dick

(op) Follow up question: How would you feel if, as an adult, you found out your Mom had a dc she never told you about?

Depends on how I found out. I would like to think she would tell me the whole story and that I'd be understanding, even happy.

Ita, dh is being an asshole.

UrbanBaby Asks...

When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:

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